The-Once-In-A-While-Blogger

The End..

2011-02-14T20:36:00.002+08:00

Dear readers, to who ever it may concern,
Thank you so much for visiting this blog..

Its 2011 now, 4 years since I deleted the old contents in my blog,
and restarted my archive of memories..

From the start till now, its been a rather bumpy ride, but yet an enriching one,
as I see myself growing up and learning more about myself and the world..

The ups and downs in my life, are surely, and definitely a part of me..
Its my memories, my experiences, my life lessons..

And as much as I cherish such memories, its time I move on..
The time has come for me, to let my past go, and embrace my future..

My past, is supposed to educate me, and give me the knowledge I need, to wield my future..

It is not supposed to be my chains, that hold me back in a prison, I built around my heart..

As such, I'm thankful, for my wonderful friends that have been my pillar of support, you guys know more about me than I do myself..

I'm also thankful, for my parents and families, for bringing me up and giving me the freedom to let me walk my own path.. You son, I, might have strayed from the right path, time to time.. But I'm glad you didn't let a short detour hindered your trust for me..

To all my ex, which some of you I hate, some of you I'm sorry towards, some of you I don't have anything for you, but then again, I'm thankful for the relationship we shared.. Because it is with you girls, that I was able to experience what it feels like to be in a relationship.. What it feels like to be responsible as a man.. What it feels like, to have to think about someone else, to cry for someone else, to miss someone else.. Be it bad or good memories, I would take them with me, as life experience.. But understand that it does not means I'm ready to be friends with you all.. If I didn't contact you at all to try and be friends again, it means I don't want to be friends.. So please just let me move on and we should just be leading our own lives.. No offense there.. But I meant what I said..

To those other special people in my life, like the really close friends that I share everything about with.. And to those few girls that helped me step out slowly from my last relationship and accepting my mistake for who I'm.. I would be lying to say I'm not feeling indignant about it, because if I did, then it means I didn't really have feelings for you all.. But as much as I'm feeling that little bit of regret, I know its better that we remain as friends because after all, I realized my world is really different from everyone else..

I was dumb, I was stupid, but I grew up, and I matured..
And this was my life, and everything I did..
I might be break my chains but I'm gonna take them with me..

Thanks again for reading all the way down,
this is MxFate, signing off for the very last time in this blog..
And so I'm off..

Just so you know

2011-01-30T22:17:00.003+08:00

Been out with my sec school friends for a whole day on sat..
Went to barrage to fly kites, and then marina square for dinner and cake..
And shopping, for me and gx gift..

Though it rained a little here and there,
I guess it didnt really damper my mood..
Since its was raining inside too..

And although it was raining both inside out,
I tried to enjoy myself a little..
But sometimes, I just don't feel like being an actor..

Anyway, I'm really grateful for spending the day out with me,
grateful for the lunch, the gift and the cake as well..
Thanks all who were there..

And for those who are wondering wad song I was listening all this while,
this is the song that was being put on repeat..
over and over again:

Jesse McCartney: Just So You Know
I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know
How to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know
How to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

It's gettin' hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other away

And I don't know
How to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know
How to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

This emptiness is killin' me
And I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long
Lookin' back I realize it was always there
Just never spoken

I'm waitin' here
Been waitin' here

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
Just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know, just so you know

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
Just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know, just so you know

Just in case I forget

2011-01-29T00:31:00.002+08:00

THANKS EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! JUST IN CASE I MISSED IT OR SOMETHING.. I JUST WANNA SAY i'M GRATEFUL AND THANKFUL! =D

I post this on twitter as well.. Just in case I accidentally missed out any names, I wanna let you know it wasnt intentional, and that I'm really still grateful and thankful..

Had a great day today, finished my fyp presentation smoothly,
and had a great shopping time and dinner at sakae with polyfriends..
They didnt bought me a gift so they ended up paying for a cake and the meal..
Honestly, for this year,
receiving a present or not doesnt really matters..
I only have one wish..
And its not something they can grant me..
But at least, by spending time with me,
they keep me occupied and away from thinking too much..

Thanks to you guys once again..

In the end..

2011-01-29T00:28:00.001+08:00

My wish would be denied.. This feeling of emptiness.. When is it going to be filled up..

I wish

2011-01-28T00:02:00.001+08:00

that she would be there on sat..

but I'm hoping she won't get to read this.. because it might just make her more stress..

I'm not gonna ask her too.. I'm just gonna leave it to fate..

But I'm not gonna stop wishing, that she would be there on sat..
Thats the only wish I have for this year January 28th..

Had a busy, busy week, rushing for my fyp report and presentation slides..
But in the end, there's just some stuff I can't stop thinking about..

Am I always such a deep thinker.. And can I only remain as a dreamer?
After all, nothing's changed for me..

Anyway, presentation is gonna start in less than 24 hours time..
Yet my slides doesn't seems to be ready yet..
But rest assured, I'll get it done, and deliver my best speech tomorrow..

Well, other than fyp presentation, and sat, there aren't much to look forward to..
Oh, maybe dinner with my poly friends tomorrow?
Hmmm.. At least I wont be spending it alone..

This is MxFate, once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off for the first time at age 20..

Determination, Commitment..

2011-01-24T01:53:00.002+08:00

I'm not looking back again..

And I have decided that if I want to achieve something,
I have to change my mindset first..
I won't worry so much anymore,
and I'll put more of my thoughts in to action..

Gradation is a month away,
I'm going complete it,
and with it I'll aim for my best poly results ever..
So that I would have a greater change of going UNI..

Love came and pass by my door step,
but I'm gonna let it leave just like that..
I know you are unsure of yourself,
You might think its just a crush..
But for me, its definitely not..

We will remain as friends for now,
And I'm going to continue working hard in life..
So that one day, I can prove my worth to you,
and with it my love..

This is my determination.. I hope you wont feel stressed out by it..
I'm still waiting to see you get you second class honors!!

A goal to work towards..

2011-01-21T21:20:00.002+08:00

A simple walk at night

2011-01-20T22:26:00.005+08:00

Scroll down for what I almost wanted to post, until my dad send me on a simple errand to deliver some fruits to our friends, living next block. I left the house with a heavy heart.. But I returned, with a smile.. Because I saw that I gave someone else a smile.. Just by me bringing some fruits over.. Some how, it gave me the energy and assurance to know that I can go on..

Initially, I though it was hassle.. I had so much work to complete.. In so little time left..

I have so much to think about.. Yet so little that I could do..

Everything good that happen at the start of this year, seems to turn bad within days..

I know not how to react.. And I sink back to the part of me, that only seems to rely on myself.. that seems to constantly remind myself to stay strong.. that seems to keep telling myself I can go on.. that seems to keep telling myself that I shouldn't be sad, because there are sadder people out there, because my situation isn't worth being sad for..

But a part of me, keep screaming out.. Why? Why can't you be sad? Why can't you tell the world you are sad? Why must you force yourself to think that everything happens for a reason and that you should move on with life even if something bad happen, just because you know its not something you can change.. Why must you force yourself to think maturely? And take in all the unlucky things that happen to you as part and parcel of life?

And then I always answer myself at this point.. Because, it is part and parcel of life.. And then I sink back.. Fully aware that there's nothing I could do, to change fate.. Fully aware that even if I whined and complained, nothing's going to change.. Because I know fully, that the world continues moving, even if I don't..

I thought that one day, I'm just going to stop.. And just let the world continue moving on.. For all I care.. But then I see that smile.. And then I realize, I just need to smile too.. I just need someone to tell me that its okay, if you're tired, I'll share a little energy with you, and lets carry on in this race call life.. And then I gain strength.. What I'm thinking about now, can wait.. What I should forget now, should go.. What I need to focus on now, should be done..

Life is a pain in the ass, I know.. Then sit on a cushion then..

I hope that makes someone smile, and carry on with their life=D Cheers..

Almost became my post:

"for how long more.. can I tell myself, can I ask myself, can I force myself..

to stay strong..

I know not..

With so much happening, in such a short time..

My emotions don't even have time to react."

I guess I haven't really explain why I'm so emo.. Well, for one, my officer, who just told me days ago that the school is offering me an opportunity to go Outward Bound Taiwan, just told me a few days later that the director cancelled it.. Well.. I guess wont feel so sad.. If I didn't have it in the first place.. I guess this is the kind of feeling I'm feeling now.. Everything seems to be like that for me.. Am I not cherishing what I have now? so much so that god needa let me experience such a feeling to remind me? I guess I'm thinking too much.. Maybe I'm just too preoccupied with work.. FYP.. Almost at the end of this lap of the race.. I guess I will just keep going..

p.s sorry for the disorganized thoughts.. there's some stuff I stuff I wanna say, but I cant directly convey.. I dont wanna risk anything.. but I don't wanna keep quite all the way too.. This seems to be my only source of venting out my thoughts.. so ya, its okay if you dont understand.. this is me afterall..

p.p.s This is MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off.. cheers everyone..

Its been a while..

2011-01-11T23:53:00.005+08:00

Yea, its truly been a while.. The last time I posted was October 28th.. And the last time I checked in was 7th December.. Both in 2010.. So thats considered last year.. I didn't check in on new year day, nor on the eve, and on Christmas and its eve as well.. I guess I was just busy.. And things were just flying by me so fast.. I didn't even have time to recollect my thoughts and log them down.. Anyway, lets just start with the brief updates of my life (the most boring part)..

School: Well, nothing much to say about school now.. Same old pattern, nothing's changed.. Still rushing for work till the last minutes.. or even seconds.. FYP is gonna be due pretty soon.. First the report, then the presentation.. Honestly, I don't really care anymore.. I just wanna get it done and over with already.. Same goes for all the other assignment.. Not like working hard now at this moment is gonna improve my grades by a lot.. Tsk.. Just hope to graduate peacefully and get a move on..

SPA: Well, since I'm nearing my graduation date, of course I'm nearing the end of my term as President too.. Honestly, it hasn't really been a great year.. I feel like I could have done more but didn't. I feel like I didn't improve the club at all.. I feel like.. I didn't do my job well.. But whatever the reason, I'm grateful.. Because at the end of the 3 years, after we leave, the club will leave a stronger impression on us that we will on them.. And the lessons and experience we take away, is something we can't have it else where.. I love my time here.. And I would say its one of my best time in poly.. Cheers.. Cya peeps at GC, the last final camp for this year upgraders..

Shadows: Tsk, many things happen within us.. But I would first like to start by apologizing.. I've spent too much time playing.. so much so that work has finally caught up to me.. And as such, I haven't been able to play soccer as much as I would like to.. Well, I guess I would make it all up for it after graduation.. Nothing else in my brain now but graduation.. And then there is Daryl.. Well, I hope you take it easy man.. I know its hard.. So I won't say much.. and then there is the other one, I would rather not say it until its confirmed.. But I'm honestly, wishing from the bottom of my heart that you guys turn out well.. Like seriously.. And for Alan and WeiYing, I know not the happenings.. But I wish you guys happiness too.. Less squabble, and make more loving memories =D

I speak like I'm leaving for some where far like that.. LOL..

NS: Anyway, my enlistment letter hasn't arrived.. And as mentioned in the earlier post, I got a Gold award.. (Finally) Also, I went for the medical checkup and got a Pes A.. Well, I aint hoping for anything much.. Just wanna go in then and rough up a bit.. Just hope that my body can take it.. =D

Further education: Well, currently the plans goes: 1st, take a degree in sociology/social work/psychology.. Depending on how far I wanna stretch myself, and how far my grades could bring me.. But I'm not stopping there, after my degree, I'm going to go NIE and apply for teacher.. And then take a bond for another 6 years... Thats basically how I'm going to spend the next 10-20 years of my education life..

Future life: Well, education is only gonna make a part of it.. Because the focus, will still be on my religion.. As promised.. I set out, 1-2 years ago with this plan.. I finished the better part of the deal, and pretty soon, I'm going to have to serve the more bitter part of the deal.. But thats okay, there's nothing bitter about it.. So long as I still believe that I'm doing the right thing.. I guess I would still be able to take it.. But then again, I'm going to throw away adventure.. Its gonna be an integral part of my life.. There are still places, I would like to go.. Island hoping in a kayak, natural climbing at great places, mountain hiking and if time allows, maybe some Ice climbing too.. I don't know.. I just wanna go out, and see the world.. Singapore is just so small.. And no matter how great we are in Singapore, we're still in our own world.. Like the frog in the well.. I don't wanna live like the frog.. Anyway, the for the early part of my adulthood.. More education, work a little, provide more service at my religion side, and then adventure more!

Love: Well.. I wanna avoid this part cause even though I know my blog is not a big hit, I still know that people who knows me still come and check in once in a while.. Anyway, its not like I'm taking a big step.. Its not like there's this girl that I would love with all my life.. Although I do admit.. there's someone that I've been thinking of more oftenly.. But along with thinking about her, I think about alot more, as usual.. Honestly, I don't mind going all out to win a girl heart.. But the problem is with what comes after.. After putting in so much effort, in the end, will my effort by worth it? I once though that love would conquer all, but that foolish thought has long since vanquished.. I guess, being a vegetarian makes me special, and it takes alot to love a special person.. My thoughts are disorganized now.. I know I long for support.. For will my moment of weakness caused me yet another heartbreak and friendship? I know not.. God.. Give me the answer.. As much as I'm prepared to give up for this girl, can she at least try to live the life of a vegetarian, along side me.. Urgh.. I'm really hoping she won't get to read this.. yet..

Anyway, I'm gonna end the post here now.. Time, to grab some sleep.. Nitez world.. This is Mxfate, once again being played around by fate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off.. Cheers..

Thinking About Life..

2010-10-28T23:18:00.002+08:00

Okay, before I move on to the title topic, lets provide a little update on my life..

First up is school.. I'm officially entering the last day, of the second week in a few minutes..

Lesson is pretty much fine up till now, should be manageable..

Its the projects that are killers.. FYP and PDPE..

Also, practicals are gonna start soon and so, reports are gonna stream in..

Well, its my last final sem, I just hope to pass without any glitch..

Thats my target..

Okay, next up is 3 star assessment on the 24th of October, 2010..

Well, its been a long journey, but its definitely not the end..

Many have thought I would reach this check point earlier,

but I'm really sorry to say, everyone just have different priorities..

Anyway, what matters most is I'm here now, and I'm definitely gonna move on..

L1 coach up next.. Gonna save up and pay 1 last time for a course..

Before money's gonna start streaming in..

After all, I've been trying to survive without income for more than half a year now..

And its really hard.. Consider I've so much expedition and courses to take..

Plus now I'm aiming to go Thailand and Austrilia. Hola!!

Okay, other than passing my 3 star assessment,

I also took my NAPFA and receive my first ever Gold Award..

I don't care what others people thing and say,

I just wanna say I'm god dammed happy because I finally got a gold award..

You don't know how much it means to someone who have never receive it..

Just because he was always short of a few cm in standing board jump..

Although this year the you could say the person cheated a little for me,

I knew jolly well I coulda jump well over 232cm.. Thats not a lie..

Anyway, I got my Gold, and my Crumpler pouch.. Thats all that matters!

Anyway, recently a close friend of mine brought me some really interesting news,

and although I would really like to say/do something to help,

I still think that letting nature takes its course would be for the best..

For those who think they know wad I'm refering to, and you think its you, and you think you might wanna talk to me to clarify anything or ask for advice or just to talk or anything, you know I'm always on.. Hoho.. Hope I got this hidden message across.. And hope its not too direct..

Anyway, all the best.. You have my support..

Okay, with updates done, lets move on to my own life.. This has really become a long post..

Basically, I've been thinking much about what I wanna do..

Maybe I shoulda done it earlier, but as I've said, we all have our own priorities..

I chose not to plan early ahead because I rather use that time to play then..

Those past 19 years werent live in vain because I know,

I've definitely played to my fullest.. That was my priorities..

For now, I need a plan for ny future.. Not just one, but a few, just in case..

For starters, I'm trying to start to be active in WV now,

because I know this is a lifestyle I'm not gonna discard..

Kayaking has been one of the only few sports, that I've managed to stay interested in..

But I need think bigger, about what I wanna do..

I've thought about going to uni.. But for starters, I'm neither interested in Business (at all) and Sciences (complex) now.. I might seems like I could be a Science guy when I was in pri and sec school, but its getting really difficult for me to stay interested in Science.. I rather do something more practical.. Something like Social Work.. Ha! Look at all your damm faces.. That shock and astonish faces.. Well, its not like I'm being random or anything but, I AM, really interested in Social Work.. Particularly in helping small kids who faces family problems.. I just wanna give them a chance, to experience childhood, the ordinary way.. But thats just something I thought I wanna do, so I cant really be sure yet..

Next up, through a friend who was trying to convince me to go uni, he told me that I could trying getting into NIE so I could be a PE teacher.. It didnt really cross my mind back then but recently, I've been giving it more thoughts.. As a PE teacher, I can learn skills to teach more effectively.. This would definitely helps in my coaching career in kayaking.. And further more, I can help spread this sports to more youngster, expending this community.. And even best, I just have to study hard so as to not drop out, and I will be receiving money while studying.. Aint that great? Previously, I was really against the idea of going into uni because I thought I wasn't interested in studies anymore, and that I dont really have that kinda money.. But this definitely solves the money problem, and it gives me a chance, to discover if I still wanna study, or not.. With my first step into uni through NIE, I might reconsider my decision, and further my studies, heading for a masters or something..

Well, both ideas seems really okay but I havent really decided yet.. In the end, I've decided I will save up capital and in the end, switch to a full time coach or open up a small eatery, or both.. Being a chef was one of my dreams and if I could successfully open my own eatery, I would be both a chef and a boss.. Its still kinda still a dream now but this serves as a pretty good target for now.. At least now I know for the next 30 years of my life, I know what to aim for.. Anyway, relationship is the least of my concern now.. Since I cant seems to get those I like, and there's no one who like me, just let me stay single for a while longer bah.. Maybe my Miss right will appear soon.. hoho..

Well, this pretty sums up wad I've been thinking about my life.. But regardless, I still hav 2 years to think though carefully while in there.. Maybe I might just change what I wanna do.. But thats all future tense.. For now, lets let MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger sign off, and grab some sleep.. Hola! Nitez!!

The Last Few Days

2010-10-15T10:22:00.003+08:00

Well, this would be the last Friday that we are gonna have before school reopens..

We've been through it countless times but I just cant shake this feeling off..

The feeling of dread..

Hmmm, sickening as it may be, its unavoidable, undeniable..

We just have to force ourselves to get used to it.. Hola..

Anyway, here's a quick update on Sea-X..

Great Job, for my junior com, I think the whole thing went rather well..

Great Job, for my upgraders, its not easy, but you guys survived, in one piece..

For the senior com, it was more of a farewell expedition or something..

This might just be the last time, for some of us to come to hantu..

And its probably the last time we're planning the expedition to hantu with SPA..

For 3 whole year, we've been visiting this place once every year, like an anniversary or

something.

It sure brings back memories.. Be it painful, or happy..

Remember the first year we came to hantu, as upgraders..

Hellish.. All sort of non-sense..

But we went back Stronger.. As a person, as a team..

Remember the second year we came to hantu, as Junior com..

Different, and Enriching..

I never thought there was that much we have to know and take into consideration when on an expedition, until Jacob taught me what he knows..

And this third year we came to hantu, as Senior com..

Personally my best..

I felt that, there was a kinda balance between the old method, and the new method of training..

We know that the old kinda method is effective in forming team with strong bonds, because it worked for us, and for all the past batch..

But we also know that the world is changing, and each generation is much more different from the next..

We didnt know what else we could have taught or let them experience..

But now we got all the necessary skills to plan a better expedition..

And this year, its all about striking the perfect balance..

There must be hellish training, but they must know what it is for..

There must also be learning experience, so that they dont go back empty handed..

And in my point of view, I think our objectives were pretty much met..

And thats a success..

I know, this was quite the long winded post, and that most people probable wont care to read, but as I mentioned, this is a dairy.. For myself.. Lest my memories fails me..

thus, once again, this is mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off..

p.s. some photos of me.. actually, there was only just a few..

LOL..

Updates on holidays

2010-10-06T23:34:00.008+08:00

OH YA, this part is actually edited in last but i wanna share a dish I cooked by myself without and recipe.. Just trying it out based on gut feeling: SWEET AND SOUR PORK (Vegan)

Ingredients: Mock Meat, Carrot, Mushroom, Long beans. Sauce: Tomato sauce, Squeezed Lime, and Brown Sugar (y)

I think it was really nice, but my family didnt give me much feedback.. Guess my mom is really too good a chef.. LOL..

Okay, basically this is a quick and short updates for the holidays..

Well, we were supposed to have a 6 weeks break but because of YOG, it has now become four weeks break.. Saddening..

And this four weeks seems really short because there was just too much stuff to do..

In this 2 1/2 weeks that have passed, most of my days are directed to FYP and PDPE..

I spend my Sundays teaching tuition, for a full day at BXB, and that equates to no afternoon nap which i usually takes on Sundays afternoon..

I went down to dairy farm to have my job "sharing" interview with my SPA mates..

I got back my results for this sem:

IS1005 - 8 - B
CP5038 - 3 - A
LC0214 - 2 - DIST
CP5006 - 4 - B
CP5023 - 3 - B
CP5041 - 4 - B+
CP5017 - 4 - C+

SEMESTER GPA: 3.179
CUMULATIVE GPA: 3.244

Great, I think I did good enough.. (y)

Anyway, my friend PeiJie aka Xiao Bian who went aussie is back with us for a short while, during her break.. Me and Shao Quan actually went to pick her up at the airport, but instead we were all picked up by her uncle who sent everyone back to cck.. After that, we had a dinner, just the three of us, at pasta.. Deciding it was not enough just to meet her once, we ask her out again today, and had dinner at pizza.. LOL.. Next time, please please please go to a coffee shop.. I'm a broke man.. Anyway, after dinner, we went chillax at NorthVale, before heading home around 11.. Well, its supposed to be hard studying alone overseas, so I'm hoping all these memories could help her in anyway possible=D JiaYou Xiao Bian!

Next up is SPA stuff, well, finally had our 5th Mc meeting, which was delayed time and again due to different reasons.. SEA-X is this friday till sunday.. Hoping to make the most out of it for the Upgraders.. With one term over as President, I'm slowly entering retirement mode as its about time to prepare the next president.. But who.. Who can I pass over the baton and responsibility to.. Honestly, I know not yet.. I guess I just have to observe for a bit longer.. And that land training, it really was my mistake.. I had the foresight to plan ahead and set a longer training period for poly 50, but I made the mistake of not following through.. Ended up, this year we had the least bonded team ever.. I don't blame the upgrading ICs.. Because I should have exercise more pressure on them.. Had I put in more effort and concern to trainings, it wont have reach this stage as it is today.. Haiz.

Next up is life, curse it.. The previous post was meant to be a shadow post for myself but end up, it actually had like the most number of views out of all my posts.. Cuz everyone was coming to talk to me asking me what the hell was it about.. omg.. Anyway, I'm still trying my best to curb my bad habit, I wont say I've become a saint overnight but I definitely tried.. (2) would be the number of times, since that day but well, its a improvement.. at least I'm not thinking about it so often now..

Okay, time for me to end here and stop.. Needa grab some rest.. Nitez peeps.. This is mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off (y)

Realization, Confession, Determination

2010-09-12T00:18:00.002+08:00

Do I have what it takes.. To deserve to be who I am..

I'm not sure if I've posted something similar before, or was it just a random thought, that keep appearing within my head.. Whatever the case, I've decided to post it up yet again..

I've initially typed alot, but I had them all deleted and replaced with lesser words..

Basically, this post is about me. As a failure.

For all I know, I've been either drifting aimlessly or running from all my troubles all my life..

I spent my younger years, not working hard in studies, because I gave myself the excuse that everything is gonna end one day so why bother working hard.. I still got good grades, but that only serve as a greater downfall in my future..

I made many dumb decision in life, and gave myself crappy excuses, saying that I've not regretted making them.. Heck, I'm still feeling the effects from now, and I've to live a constant lie-life just to keep myself going..

So why this sudden post.. Because today, I've been given yet another wake up call.. A, very heavy wake up call.. For those who didn't know, I took my second practical assessment for PPCDL again today, and I failed again.. I'm not afraid of failure, I'm not afraid of shame, I'm just weight down by my own guilt, because I know I've definitely not tried hard enough.. I know I wanted the license, I know I needed it, but yet, I was complacent thinking that I would get by without preparing and studying.. Well, it was proven to me yet again that sheer luck, would not get me anywhere.. And when I pondered about it, I realized something bigger.. When have I tried hard enough, to prove myself, to earn something..

There were some good efforts I made here and there, but if you put all my bads and goods on a scale, it would have been overwhelming on the bads.. I confess, yet again, I started watching porn at primary 4.. And I first stopped it when I was in secondary 2 or 3.. Because I decided I would change for a girl.. Which I wasn't together with in the end.. Heck, by the end of sec 4, I picked up porn again, this time, with as an even heavier addiction. I started watching only porns video, and I learned to masturbate, through a way which I would have rather not.. I made a wrong decision in life, and I lied to myself, saying its every man instinct.. I ran from the consequence.. And continued on this tainted path.. Until I got in contact with the girl again.. This time, I managed to confess, and I made my second good, by quiting porn for good.. But I've never seems to be able to quit masturbation.. I'm addicted.. Like smoking and drugs.. Like a beast wearing a man skins.. In the end, god decided I'm not good enough for the girl, and she choses someone else.. And I lied to myself again, saying that its better for her to leave because we have different paths to take.. She wanted security of a future for me, but I, who have never had a goal, never worked hard for anything, could not provide her with even a little tiny bit of security.. I'm just a sore loser.. A failure.. Heck, even for this practical, I made a promise to myself that I wont masturbate till I passed it, but I broke it immediately a few days after. And this definitely wasn't the only time I've broke such a promise for myself.. I'm ran away from it every single time.. But I can't take it anymore..

I want to change.. I need to change.. I have dreams now, goals I need to fulfill, duties I'm bounded to, but am I deserving enough? For someone, who can't even quit vulgarities after thinking about changing for so many years.. As usual, I gave myself some crap excuses, and ran away from reality.. I need to stop now..

Today, I failed my practical.. Because I didn't work hard enough, and I promise I will put in all my effort for the next test. I've regretted it twice now, and I don't want to regret it a third time.

Today, I will stop masturbating, and move on from this obsession for good.. And I know it gonna be hard but I need to have the determination to change.. I've to make a difference in my life..

Today, I will start looking at my goals seriously, and work harder for everything, and stop running away from my own problems..

Today, is a day I need to constantly remind myself.. So that I will not forget what I promise..

* This leads me back to a the quote I chose for my A-X.. Something I've chosen for good reason, but yet something I've started to forget..

"The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it." (Elaine Agather)

For me, this quote have far greater meaning that what it seems to the eye.. Like the leadership instinct, I was born with alot of stuff and achieve alot of stuff like its a part of me.. But I never did have the will and determination, like the wishbone, to support all that I was born with.. For me, the quote soundec more like:

I was born with alot of good things, but If I don't have the will and determination to use and nature those good things, I will only fall deep into a hole.

With that, I would like to end my blog post.. For people who might be reading this, I would like to apologize because I'm not who you think I am.. I just a pathetic loser.. But I change, I will try to change.. And hopefully, I will learn from today lessons.. And take things more seriously..

Good nitez peeps, this is MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off..

Vlog Entry 1 (28/01/2010)

2010-08-31T15:49:00.002+08:00

Okay people, I'm gonna be trying this out.. See if it works for me..

Rather then always typing in long post now and then.. I'm gonna be posting these "vlogs" instead..

They will be very random, but it will be mainly about my life.. =D

I'll try to capture every bits of my memory in film,

with my current phone.. The samsung, I don't know.. LOL..

Anyway, enjoy!

This is mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, vlogging off.. =D

Izzit just me?

2010-08-25T01:04:00.002+08:00

Its been a while since I last updated.. And here I come with a pretty lame post..

Well, its not exactly lame but well, its just that I've been pondering on this question for some time now..

Doesn't the two Idol on top look alike?

The one on the left is Chinese Idol - Ou Di while the one on the right is Korean Idol - Big Bang Daesung.

And honestly, I find them pretty alike.. Or izzit just me? Hmmm.. Do leave me some comments in the tagbox, if you happen to see my blog post that is.. Lol..

Anyway, updates.. Its all about the holidays.. Basically, slacked at home for most of the time.

Went Berkelah Falls.. Once again.. Had a great time there..

Had a mini gathering with some secondary school friends..

Visited my chef and friends at my old workplace..

Watched a few movies here and there.. Salt.. Step up 3..

Went sea training and got myself dark once again.. Really love it now..

Erm, what else are you guys interested? I'm just summarizing stuff cause I'm forgetting them..

I mean I've forgotten most of what happened.. lol..

Oh yea, having a test ~~tml~~. No, actually its later on.. So ya, I'm supposed to be sleeping now..

But just wanna post something since I haven't been doing it for quite some time now..

Anyway, to add on.. I'm having a presentation right after the test.. Hola..

I think I should stop crapping here.. Already..

So ya, nitez people.. Once again, its me, MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger signing off! Hola!

True to my blog nickname

2010-08-10T21:40:00.002+08:00

Hola, I bet you peeps out there miss me! No?

C'mon, just give me some face and say yes.. I know did down inside you peeps do.. Right?

Haha.. Okay, enough of the nonsense, back here after a while for a quick update..

Anyway, life is pretty much okay..

Failed my ppcdl practical, due to some small mistake.. I'm not gonna fail the next one and I swear, I'm gonna try my hardest next time.. Man, can't imagine how big the hole my pocket is gonna get if I fail again.. Well, tentatively, my next assessment is on the 11th of Sept.. Please give me the support peeps, I love you all..

Next up, I finally met my FYP supervisor.. Great guy, some Dr. Noel.. Really helped us alot by giving us a direction for our FYP.. At least now we know we have task we needa complete and not just blindly doing experiments which even be wrong to start with.. Anyway, now is the time to step up our FYP progress.. Get it done and over with so we can graduate happily.. Cheers..

Oh ya, had a night cycling expedition recently.. Cycled from sp through town and ended up a Enous before heading for ECP.. Damm it, me and my itchy mouth, and gentlemen mindset.. Was initially cycling happily with a sorta good bike having no problems at all.. Then I saw this girl struggling with a problematic bike and I had to just ask her if she needed a swap.. Dang! That bike was unbelievable.. Brakes were spoilt, gears were spoilt, and it was too small for my size.. Almost killed me back then.. But I managed to pull it through. Anyway, good job to the juniors, and to myself.. One fell asleep once on the bike while cycling.. Which was far better than last year.. =D Though this time I almost crashed into a tree and a drain.. LOL..

Next up, holidays have finally started.. But well, its sorta temporary.. Cuz right after that, we'll be having the god-d-blessed semesteral exams.. At least this time around, I only have three major papers.. Hohoho.. Lets hope I study seriously for them.. Anyway, going to berkelah falls once again this year.. Lets hope everyone have a great time there.. Hola!

Okay, I guess this is all I wanna say, anyway, if you peeps didnt realize, I added a new tap just for Korean Girl Groups.. Just wanna keep track of the groups that are out there and the members name.. So take a look if you guys wanna know anything.. Hola! This is mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off!

Spa Alumni Gathering

2010-07-19T23:15:00.002+08:00

So yea, as the title itself says, this post is about the Spa alumni gathering, last sunday.. ok, actually just yesterday.. o.O but anyway, I was quite happy to see them.. those that I know.. since we like very long never see each other le.. could say we interacted quite well with them.. at least it wasn't really awkward or anything.. its like we're preparing ourselves to be easily integrated with them once we become alumni ourselves.. hmmm.. anyway, had a great talk with them.. actually it was more like us listening to them more..

okay.. I was just wanna post something to talk about but the written spirit in me doesnt seems to wanna come out.. so this post seems to be a little crappy.. but rest assured those memories arent crappy at all.. I guess I better stop here before I write more nonsense..

Ok, this is mxfate. the once-in-a-while blogger, signing off..

Counsellings.. Do I need it too?..

2010-07-17T02:15:00.002+08:00

I'm back, after a short one week plus hiatus.. Considering I'm the once-in-a-while-blogger..

Anyway, there wasn't much to post about because life was just so busy..

Project this, project that.. Report this, report that.. man, this kinda life really sucks..

Hoping that I would get through this stage a-sap, and move on with life..

There's like so much waiting out there for me..

Yet I'm just being tied down by all this bullshyt..

Or am I just tied down by myself.. I don't know.. How I wish I know..

So yea, actually today I meat with my "Nu-Er", yea stop.. Don't give me the question marks look again.. Read finish the whole damm post..

Well, she's more like a "god-daughter" to me, you know? those childish siblings game we secondary school.. okay maybe primary school kids plays?

Apparently, I was quite into this kinda games then, and I've gotten myself a few daughter and granddaughters here and there.. more were sister to me though..

As I was speaking, I met with her today and we just talked.. like close to 5 hours?

I did say a little bit about my life, in brief but I was mainly listening to her..

Hmmm, I can't really disclose much cause its her life but anyway, I'm just help her tide through some though times.. Really hope to be able to do more for her..

Anyway, before you go thinking how a flirt I'm to have so many god-sisters-daughters-granddaughter. Let me clarify..

Guys friends are for me to crap with, and to spent though times with..

Girls friends are for me to share problems with, and spent counselling time with..

Period.. Lazy to explain the bullshyt i just typed but yea, its sorta the meaning..

Okay, I needa stop the post here, thanks for reading everyone=D

This is MxFate, the once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off..

wishlist

2010-07-08T23:18:00.002+08:00

Basically. not here to update on my life since there isnt much to update anyway..

I'm here to advertise, as the title suggested, my wishlist=D For my life..

anyway, I never really did had an aim, never really did have a goal..

I alway lead a life aimlessly, so even if people thinks my goals are bullshyt now,

it doesnt really matters.. At least its a goal for me..

Do take a look at it and comment=D

School.. TOMORROW

2010-07-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

Okay.. Good game.. In about 8 more hours.. lesson is starting soon.. and I've got a god damm report due tomorrow.. Hola! Praise the lord! See how we all die tml..

Anyway, had a great time today chilling out at a 'tong xiu' hse at seng kang.. we were having a post camp sharing session there and it was supposed to be a pot luck session so everyone brought food.. This was honestly the first time I felt that this is a real pot luck because everyone really brought alot of food.. REAL food.. Not some tibits and soft drinks.. Anyway, its was eat all you can and stuff up your stomach right before you drop dead and still see a mountain of food leftover kinda thing.. No kidding, I think everyone thought the rest were not gonna bring enough food so everyone prepared extra.. Oh well, food is food, one way one another, its gonna end up in the stomach then as shyt, or directly into the rubbish bin.. The main thing was not the food though.. It was the sharing session.. Confession and stuffs.. Problems and obstacles everyone faced.. It was all laid up on the table.. And I felt that this is great.. This is what we call a debrief.. A real debrief.. Anyway, I'm not gonna type up all that was shared.. So I'm gonna end it here..

Good night everyone.. This is mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off~

Sense of fulfillment?

2010-07-04T01:34:00.002+08:00

So ya anyway, lesson have been a whore.. as usual.. Just the first week of school reopens and its starting to feel like weeks.. again.. seriously getting really really sick of education.. but well, its because of this 'education' that I've gotten to know so many people I now call friends, and its also through this 'education' that I know 'adventure'..

Okay, enough of the bullshyt, but seriously, the only things I can do and feel that its not a waste of time now is adventure related stuff.. and maybe some simple form of training? Basically, today have been a great day for me cause I got to go down and kayak.. Back again holding a paddle, sitting in a kayak, is something I really misses.. Glad to be in that sea, with that wind blowing across my face, and the sun beating down on my skin.. ahhh, thats life for me..

Other than kayaking, I also had a wonderful dinner with my parents and brother.. okay, its actually just a simple meal at a nearby coffee shop.. But anyway, no matter the place, I always enjoy family meals.. Its just.. just.. give offs a different feel?

Uh huh, before I forget, I also had soccer today.. 'wet' soccer if I could correct myself.. Because it actually rained right before we reached the place.. The small drizzle cause the whole court to be practically transformed into a skating ring.. Cool isn't it? 6-7 hot blooded males running uncontrollably snatching for a little ball.. LOL.. Had a great workout today basically..

Okay, I've tried my best to keep my post short.. and now it seriously feel like I still got miss out a lot to add in.. But then again, lets keep it simple for readers to maintain their interest.. provided they have any to start with.. LOL.. Just keep reading!!

Anyway, we've come to the end of the post, this is MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger signing off..

Late night post

2010-07-02T00:05:00.002+08:00

okay.. don't know why i'm here posting.. pretty sure i had something i wanna post about but couldn't seems to remember them now.. anyway, lets reply the tags first:

to weehao: o.O you're talking non-sense that i don't understand again.. lol..

to annjay: haha.. i guess thats what everyone was feeling that day.. change it to pissed minds thinks alike! lol..

to cui wen: lol, i stick to my promise if i can de.. i wont say all.. but try to for all..

so ya anyway, pretty lame.. as I was typing the first line, I actually recalled what I wanna blog about.. my in-born unluckiness..

did 2 experiment on 2 days and both wasted a lot of time.. the one on wed took us almost 3 hours and it failed just 10 min before completion due to the beaker breaking.. fml.. wasted all the time waiting and everything.. the one on thurs we did manage to achieve the results, but we took more than 4 hours for the whole damm thing.. wth.. really a waste of time..

anyway, I'm used to it.. screw up and hiccups are part and parcel of my daily life.. kk, short post nia.. its late already so I'm gonna sleep.. nitez ppl!

Its been mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger sharing, signing off..

Its killing me..

2010-07-01T00:29:00.003+08:00

Don't ask me why.. I would also jolly well like to know why.. Why does my nose have this problem of accumulating water.. then Mucous.. and now something the look like severely diluted mucous.. all those things that were supposed to come out from the nose.. is somewhat stuck inside it.. and.. it really hurts.. its been giving me headache non-stop and I'm reaching my limit.. damm it.. why doesn't the pain go away.. i've cleared the liquid in my nose over and over again now.. but it just keep getting accumulated.. where there hell are those liquid coming from. and how can i stop them.. god.. I need a doctor soon..

-mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off in pain..

Shag

2010-06-27T22:09:00.003+08:00

SIWF is officially over.. And I god damm happy it is..

For the benefits of those who are giving me that question mark look once again, let me enlighten you.. SIWF = Singapore International Water Fest, previously know as SRRR = Singapore River Raft Race..

Its is a two days event, held over at Marina Barrage and it includes: Raft, Canoe, Kayak, Dragonboat races. The lamest event, which is held every year, is the walking on water.. There was also an event called rock master, a rock climbing competition.

This year, like every year that we've been through, SPA are the sai kang warriors.. Just that this year, they expected too much out of ordinary human.. Seriously.. This sucks..

What kinda responsible adult send 3 lorries full of logistic back from MB to SP and doesn't follow up? Does he intend to let those poor souls pack the logistic themselves? Are they the only ones with families to return to? Only ones with dinner to eat?

And whats up with the other retard uncle, who sat there and bullshyt us, while not doing anything himself.. You think we don't wanna go home? You think we didn't carried anything before hand? You think you're the only one who is sick? You should seriously just f off, and get a life dude.. I'm so not giving you all those free drinks you arsehole..

Well, don't wanna have to spell out every bad happening but I guess those question pretty tells you guys everything..

Anyway, on a brighter note, at least Mr. Kwok treat us as human and remembered us by buying us breakfast.. Grateful for that.. At least today I get to work near the sea, under the sun, and get a beautiful tan that I want, that I missed for so long now.. Yes, darkie MxFate is back online people.. So damm glad about it.. And last thing, I'm glad to know Jacob is willingly to help us with some problems we're currently facing.. Hope it would turn out good..

Okay, to summarize everything, SIWF ended with a rather unpleasant note, but we ended up with loads of free drinks.. We work like dogs and ate like beggar, but it was worth the workout.. Tiring, but tanned!! Hola!!

Now, as promised:

this is a small section of the post dedicated to fulfill a promise.. man, I so expecting those retard in class to make fun of me again but well, I can't blame anyone, I always make fun of people.. =D

Anyway, yea, lets get to the point.. I'm here to introduce a new friend called Cui Wen. She's from NYP and I know her through CPTC, my attachment.. Now, before you peeps started having the weird idea, let me clarify with you, she's 3 yrs my senior, and definitely not interested in me.. Now, once again, before you peeps start thinking, "Oh? How bout you?" Let me tell you this, I've been through a 'Jie-Di-Lian' before and it seriously sucks. But desperate times calls for desperate measure, so I might just..

Just Joking.. LOL... I'm so gonna get killed now.. So ya, anyway, she's been a rather good friend till now so yea, gotta repay the promised I owe her.. That is to have a post that talks about her!! Thats lame right? But anyway, she's gonna nag me again bout it so lets get it done =P

Anyway, its school tomorrow and I seriously needa sleep now..

Annyeong everyone! Up till now, its have been MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger =D Signing off..

Tired

2010-06-25T22:45:00.003+08:00

Lethargic. Fatigue. Restless. Sick.

whatever u call it.. I'm just a mass of all those now..

just have the urge to stop and put everything down for a while..

and then rest.. really.. need to find a form of relaxation..

SIWF tomorrow.. lets hope it turns out well..

First Title Since I-Don't-Know-When

2010-06-24T17:37:00.004+08:00

Okay.. Its me, the once-in-a-while-blogger, back again with updates.. As you all can see, I've edited the skin a lil.. Looks pretty basic though.. that should be due to the fact that I'm using the design tool from blogger itself.. not using the old customized skins anymore.. hoho..

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Next up, I think I better start logging down my A camp experience before I start forgetting those fragments of memories.. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, A camp is a religion camp that I'm a planner of, more noticeably, I'm the HOL, short for Head of Logistic. I'm also a programme IC, with unmatched idiocy and courage, to create a 3 floors game.. Phew, that was one tiring task.. Also, more about the camp, its a one day camp, held twice at two different place, namely our Tian Hui and Tian Guo Fuo Tang. Don't start giving me that question mark look, one who seeks the answer, knows the way. If you wanna know what the hell those words meant, join us. LOL Anyway, the camp was held for kids between Pri 4 to Pri 6.. Though there were definitely kids small than that. It was held on the 17th and 18th of June. Hola!

Anyway, although there was minor hiccups here and there as usual, since you talking about me the god-damm unlucky man, but on my account, everything went pretty well.. I'm sure everyone, or at least most people, would have went home bringing that something extra, something meaningful, something you will never be able to learn in school.. Well, at least I know I did.. Though I might still be that Idiotic and Rude person I always am, I've started to think more like an adult.. A very big thank you to everyone who made it possible, to all the planners for their time, effort, understanding, commitment and the list goes on, to all the helpers for the skit, the stations, the logistic, and the list goes on too.. Well, though I might have been awfully busy due to the camp, I've not regretted taking it up.. Afterall, precious memories built are always worth it..

For those who are wondering what this whole camp it about, let me give you a brief idea. We basically tell those little kids about Armageddon. No, stop, don't give me that 'what the hell is this insanely religious and unscientific man talking about look'. I'll slap you, i seriously will.. Well, I'm just joking.. LOL.. Anyway, yeah, the content is pretty much about destruction of the world, and about how you won't survive it even if you part of the religion. Ironic? Course not.. All man are bound to die.. No religion makes you immortal.. But what we can teach them is how to embrace it, and how to move on.. What we do, doesn't matters.. What we teach can jolly well be considered crap by others, but what we teach, definitely doesn't makes a human goes bad.. Simple.

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Next up we have Gunung Datok, renamed Gunung Da"Log", due to the sheer amount of fallen trees we encountered.. Anyway, this was supposed to be my third, and most likely the last ascent..

Well, with a blink of an eye, its gonna be a full 3 years soon.. Every time, the people who went up with me are different , the experience was different as well.. But the hike up, and the view at the top, never changes.. The ascent was tiring as hell, that didnt changed.. But the time taken was 2 hrs 27 min, quoting the gorgeous from SPA, the shortest time I've ever taken.. A new personal record.. I'm really happy with the result.. But I'm not really happy with the com..

Honestly, I'm not only just unhappy.. I will say it out straight, I'm pissed.. Although I will be bringing this up soon in the mc meeting - post expedition bebrief, I think I need a place to express myself.. The Juniors coms, were 5 person strong.. 1 person, more than what we have last year.. make it 2, because CS was sick.. Practically, there was only me and shini working back then.. And we had no complaints.. What-so-ever.. And you guys, were FIVE, FIVE GOD DAMM ABLE BODIED PEOPLE, and you have the guts to request for our help.. And you have the guts, to give me the god damm pissed off face with that fuck up attitude.. For fuck sake, I think I couldn't have made myself any clearer before and during the expedition, the senior coms are here to supervise, and act as first aider.. NOT SOME BABY SITTER, THAT HAVE TO LOOK AFTER YOUR GOT DAMM CAMPSITE, BUILD YOUR SHELTER, COOK FOR YOU, AND LET YOU ENJOY AT THE SAME TIME. AND YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO ASK US FOR HELP TO WASH UP AND CLEAN UP THE CAMPSITE AFTER DINNER?

I don't wanna say this anymore.. Honestly, I don't know what to say.. I don't know if something is wrong with them, or something is wrong with how we taught them.. Either way.. If they don't start learning, its not gonna change anything.. I don't want to imagine how next year will be..

For those who have been half asleep, its time to wake up.. Next year, we won't be around.. Next year, you peeps are the seniors.. Please do something about it.. For the one with the attitude problems.. I don't know if its just me.. But if you can't start changing the way you works, don't blame me for saying the harsh stuff.. I'm a direct person, no beating about the bush..

Okay.. Before everyone starts thinking this was a major screw up.. At least there was some happy take away.. Dinner was special, though it wasn't all the successful.. Well, failure is always the mother of success.. But I guess we did have a break through this time around.. Just have to improve the formula next time around I guess.. And the view at submit is so cool at midnight.. Cool as in the view is really nice, and cool as in literally cold.. Damm cold.. Anyway, the descent was quite okay too.. Not that much strain on my knees this time around.. Though it was raining and slippery all over.. We managed to cleared it quite fast.. Had a great lunch at the bak kut teh shop.. Vegetarian one please.. And then we had to swap over from train to bus because apparently, there was some cockups.. Well, overall, this expedition was okay.. Cept for the matter mentioned above.. Haiz..

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Well.. Tml gonna have SIWF helpout.. And my manpower is like.. I don't even wanna comment.. FML.. Just damm pissed now..

This is MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off..

2010-06-10T00:37:00.002+08:00

10th June

Well well well.. Lets see.. Its me once again.. The once in a while blogger.. Checking in..
We were on the topic of fire recently.. About how I accidentally, burned down the kitchen..
It was about a week ago.. And now, the recovery work is almost complete..
Gas was finally restored, and the kitchen have been reverted to, if not better than, the old form.. And I guess, it could be called a formed of 'forced' renovations..
Anyway, I guess life would return to normal pretty soon..

Today is also a very sad day as well, cuz I have to sent a friend off..
Where to? Why?
To Austrialia, to study for 3 years.. 3 whole years..
Though she said she will be coming back during the semester break,
I got a feeling everyone will miss her alot, during her absence..
As much as I know she will miss us..
Though we get to msn, skype with each other,
like we did even if she is Singapore,
we still can't deny that the difference now is that we're now thousands of miles apart..
I think, thats the irony of human, we wont really cherish what we have,
until the day we lost what we would have held dear..
A true friend in this case..
Well, I wish her best of luck, and of course, as a man, I couldn't cry while sending her off..
She know we will miss her, and we know she will, thats good enough of a farewell..
Tears and such will only make it more difficult, for both parties..
Enjoy yourself while you're there, and remember my boardshorts and 'havianas'
*I don't know how to spell that chim word.. since I don't usually wear it'
= D

Anyway, I have 2 more days to end of MST.. But what I'm looking forward more to is thec camp.. And the end of it.. No doubt the process is enjoyable, and meaningful.. But I really need to have a break real soon.. If not I'm gonna go bersek.. Rockclimbing, kayaking, trekking, running.. Stuff like that.. I need to move around a little.. To burn some fats.. Its really killing me..

Hoho, enough of my complaints and everthing, gotta go now..
This is MxFate, the once-in-a-while blogger, signing off.. Cheers people =D

2010-06-03T02:45:00.002+08:00

I've got so much I wanna say.. That I don't know where to begin..
For those expecting me to put a long post, like I usually did,
be in for a great 'disappointment' since I will just keep it short..

Anyway, as I mentioned, school started and well, its been hertic like it always is..
But it has never been this hertic.. Pratical reports, assignments, camp plannig for religion, religion stuff, cca stuff, soccer commitment.. And the list goes on..
But well, I try to manage.. =D Its the last year.. Die also much finish it..

Next up, is the fire.. 1st June, 2010.. I wil never forget this day.. The day I set my kitchen on fire accidentally.. And burned down alot of stuff in the process.. Will be posting some photos of the aftermath soon.. But now, you just have to do with the words..
Damange count: Fridge, Washing Machine, Basin, Floor and Ground tiles, fan, mirror, 9 bamboo filled with clothers.. I think we are just a dangerous bunch cuz the list goes on..
Recovery did: Water flooding drained, living room repainted, kitchen almost done.. Now just have to wait unill they say okay, then we can going in..

Hmmm, anyway, have to thank alot of people.. Everyone that helped, if you see this, know that I'm really gratetul. Will have to updates photos at another tine.. time to sleep.. XD

2010-04-19T22:46:00.002+08:00

15th - 19th April twenty-ten

Hola everyone! Been coming on quite oftenly recently..

Well, just 'short' updates here and there actually..

Lol.. Always say its a short update, but always ended up typing essay..

Lets just say I'm doing my best to log down every single details that I can remember =D

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With the previous post, we ended with a huge confession..

Before the HUGE test..

Which was bullshit.. One word...

Seriously bullshit.. Two word..

Thats all I can think of to describe that final term test..

I didn't really study for it, but come to think about it,

I'm so damm glad I didn't cause it will be a total waste of time..

And brain juice..

I won't really call it an idiot-could-get-100 paper,

but I just didn't felt it was as though as those we did in school..

Hmmm, but anyway, lets just hope I do well enough, not to repeat..

-----------------------------------------

Following the final term test, was a whole day of:

slacking and spending/wasting money..

Awesome, but well, I did ended up with a big hole in the pocket..

Played about 4-5 hours lan and spend around 7 dollars?

Then had a not-so-amazingly-fulfilling dinner at Sakae..

Had around 20 over plates of FOOD?

I can't even remember what went into me,

just know they are vege friendly..

Had a bowl of miso soup, alot of fried tofus, a plate of beans,

and alot of egg sushi.. my first ever hand roll.. some weird seaweed..

Overall, although I was so full I felt like dying,

it was still as enjoyable as always..

Sakae is always one of the few places I could destress fully by eating like hungry ghost..

---------------------------------------------

Next up, is that hectic weekend..

First up, woke up early in the morning on sat,

went down to redhill-tian hui to have a meeting..

Then I went home and started doing my research..

For the bxb activity the following day...

Aroud 9pm, went out to meet the spa peeps..

Went down to Changi to fetch YuTai who was coming back from China..

Idiot guy, bought a airgun and was detained..

Ended up we waited for him and missed the last train..

LOL!! But thats okay.. At least it was fun! Lol..

Next sun morning, left changi on bus and went home..

No sleep at all, bath, finalize my material and then left for bxb..

Okay, kinda fucked up.. One person to tutor 6 kids?

And they don't listen.. LOL.. End up I play around with them..

Wanted to ask for help but yea, my sis also 4-5 person with her..

Yea, so it was like 10 over kids, with 2 tutors.. Shag..

Well, then it was the time for the activity I prepared..

Was kinda lame, and I was losing them one by one..

But it the end, I think I did rather well.. Hoho..

At least something real since a while..

Okay, after bxb, went home sleep..

Wake watch and dl vid, eat dinner, use comp, sleep...

-over-

Woohoo. One day before skol reopen and still playing till so mad!!

Then we have skol, -boring-

Wake up early, train jam..

Lecture starts on first lesson..

Tutorial immediately.. Wow.. shag shag.. LOL.

Hmm, but anyway, it ended early and well..

At least gave me some time to go home and sleep..

OKAY, I NEEDA SLEEP NOW! NITEZ!!

the-once-in-a-while blogger MxFate, signing off..

2010-04-15T02:02:00.010+08:00

5th April - 15th April twenty-ten..

Hoho, rather quick update from the once-in-a-while blogger..

Just a span of 10 days this time round,

so don't be expecting much of an updates..

-------------------------------------

First up, as everyone can see from the calender, tomorrow is the sixteenth..

Its the day we have the final term test for cptc, and its also the last day..

Fast hurr? One and a half month of holidays.. Felt like it was over in an instant..

Well, here goes my little confession, of my true feelings for this period of time..

As mentioned in the previous post, the whole damm thing felt like a whore to start with..

Almost everyone was complaining big time about it.. Including me of course..

But well, after twenty five days.. I realized I felt different..

In this short amount of time.. I might have sacrificed alot of time..
And I might have lost something important in my life.. But..

In the process.. I have gain many valuables friends..

Here.. I would like to disclose everything that makes me wanna say, valuable friends..

For me.. The three class in SP that we started out with, wasn't close in the beginning..

I won't deny, I won't hide it.. Right from the start, I felt like we start out all not seeing eye to eye.. And everyone from the other side seems to hate something about us..

Just look at the Irony.. We might be in different class, but we've been attending lesson together since day one.. Yet we rarely talked.. or even looked at each other..

But all of this.. Changed during CPTC.. Every little bit of it..

This unknown hatred which were built up from no where, just disappeared..

The ice barrier was broken, and in the ends, I would dare call ourselves friends..

From talking about them behind their back in the year one.. to maybe exchanging a few basic phrase in year two.. and to cracking jokes together in CPTC. It has been a long journey..

And for all that misunderstanding in the past.. and those bad happenings..

I would like to apologize.. Everyone makes mistake.. But not everyone dare to face them..

And for the new friends that I've made, I would say thank you..

For such a screw up like me, you peeps have made my day..

Without any one of you peeps, "OH PLEASE! EXCLUDING JOSHUA!" this CPTC journey would have been so different.. Thank You all.. = D

Next up, I would be talking about another special person, since we're at thank you's'..

This person, went through the same twenty five day with us..

And he was always the outstanding one.. Different..

He never turned up for classes late, and always do stuff to surprise us..

Without him, definitely, this training period would have been so different for everyone.

One could almost say, he is the essence of our class..

And before u all start thinking about Joshua, I would like to clarify that I'm actually talking about the one and only trainer that we have, Mr Tay.. Eng Wah.. hehe.. = D

He has been a great trainer, always making sure we understand everything..

He always seems to be so patient with us.. Never flaring up or anything..

And honestly, I would say we learn most of what we could learn from CPTC, from him..

Haha.. Enough flattery.. Lets just end this nicely with, this:

Mr Tay, you've been a great teacher in my life, Thank You!

Next up, I would like to thanks the two girls, Ly and Sm..

The two girls which I would never talk to.. Till the end of the CPTC..

By becoming the spice for me life, for this short period of time, CPTC became a lil more fun..

Here, I would like to confess again..

For me, I wont deny developing a little feelings for the girls..

If not, I won't even have spent my 25 days, grabbing every opportunity to look at them..

To exchange a feel shy glance with them..

But in the end.. This will all have to end as a dream..

I would like to clarify again..

Its impossible between them and me.. Either one of them..

I don't even have to make a choice between the two.. They both can't be chosen..

Its been so long, since I've learned to numb my heart..

So that I'll only fall in love with the right girl.. Minimizing my chance of hurting/getting hurt..

Some might think those criteria I set up, are bull shit.. They will say when one fall in love, its regardless of anything.. Well, I would say those are words coming out of immature lovers.. Coming out from people who've never faced sure a huge gap in a relationship.. For me to set up those criteria, was not of choice.. I was forced into making such a huge, wall?

I have to act like that bastard I call myself.. Because of my own background and my past mistake.. I might not be attractive to start with, but I've to make sure girls wont go head over heels for me.. Cause in the end, they have to realize, I'm difficult to love..

-period-

Well, till the end.. This has been a one hell of a bull shit.. And I don't think anyone will read much of everything.. But in the end, as I've always said.. This is a blog for myself.. A journal.. Lest my memories fails me.. The thing that keeps me from going insane.. My other personality.. The thing that helps me maintain my outer shell.. My cloak.. I need it.. Because here I can say alot more which I don't usually do.. I have to do it.. So that people will know, that I'm eventually, still someone who need love.. Who is suffering every second being alone.. But I know all this suffering will pay of.. Because this is the path.. I've to take..

Once again.. This is the once-in-a-while blogger, MxFate signing off.. Pardon my lengthly post..

2010-04-05T00:08:00.003+08:00

March 9 - April 5

Almost 1 month.. Yet again.. The once-in-a-while blogger, MxFate, came online..
So much had happened.. That I don't even know where to begin..

. . .
In this 1 long month.. I've gained alot..
But I wouldn't deny that I've lost alot too.

To the girl I said I would wait:
I do care.. I do think about you.. But I don't know if you do.. I know its all too late now.. For me that is.. And I want you to go, and fly unrestrained.. You've helped alot, for me to step a little out of this hellhole.. And now I'm finally moving on.. But I know I don't deserve you.. So I want you to love the guy that you love now.. Unrestrained by me.. Unwaivering.. I don't want you or me to regret, but I have to let you know.. With this message which I don't know if you will read or not.. That I will not be waiting anymore.. Not because my feelings have you have dulled.. But for the fact that I know we are not meant to be together.. This 5 years dream that I've carried with me.. Since I first met you.. Its time for me to end it.. Till the end.. You were never meant to be mine.. Time and again, our fate resulted in us brushing past each other.. But it will be time and again no more.. Because I know I've to move on.. I need to.. And I need to say I'm sorry too..
Lastly.. I would hope that you could still be my little sister.. And call me kor like you used to.. I might have lost a chance to be the man of your dreams, but I definitely don't wanna lose the duty of being your support which I've been all this years.. Maybe I wasn't there every single time.. But those times that I were, I honestly cared.. Just let us remains as who and what we are..
To JieLin, my little sister..

---------------------------------------------------------

Okay.. I can't keep adding stuff to that long message.. Still got stuff I needa update as well.. Lest my memories fails me..

First up is ITP-Attachment-CPTC..
It started right after the exams.. Which is officially our holidays.. But well, nothing to complain about.. Everyone goes through the same process..
Initially, we all thought its gonna be shitty.. No pay, long hours of more lecture, tutorials and practicals, exams, expensive transport, inaccessible place, etc etc.. Well, everyone started full of complains.. But now.. after 4 weeks, till the start of shift work, I would say most of us would have more of less gotten used to the environment..
The same routine everyday.. Wake up, have a late breakfast around 10.. Go to JE and take bus.. Attend lessons.. Have late lunch around 4.. Continue lesson.. Go home around 8.. Have late dinner around 9.. Turn on computer, play games, surf the net.. Sleep.. Wake up etc etc.. Mundane.. Yet necessary.. It all became a part of my system..
And then we have the 12 hours of shift training.. Went through the first one just this sat.. And I'm proud to say I've survived.. 2 more to go.. And mid-night shift too.. 8pm - 8am.. Hola.. Lets hope everything goes well for me..

Next up is religion stuff update..

Previously, I think I mentioned, but just in case I forget, I would like to say again that I took up the role of Jian Qing.. Oh, for those who don't understand, don borther.. Just skip if you like..

As a Jian Qing, I have more responsibilities.. And I have to join in the planning for a camp.. And for me, I chose "A" camp.. Well, went through 3 meetings, and we've already quite a clear direction.. Now to finalize it and then, we are off to start planning for activities.. Well, I would say its tiring for me to be in the planning coms.. But I wont deny that I've learned alot in the process.. Though it has only been three meetings.. I would try my best to continue.. and learn as much as in can.. For all I know.. This is supposed to be the path I should be taking.. Not anything else..

As for bxb, we've some new members.. And I can say I'm really bonding well with those kids there.. Well.. I thought I hated kids.. But somehow, recently, I came to a realization that kids are attracted to me.. Also, I never thought I would be good enough to be someone, somebody will look up to.. But then when I saw those kids looking up to me.. I realized, you don't FEEL that you are someone that people looked up to.. You just BECOME that someone.. Like Qin Hua, the very person who I looked up to when I was a kid.. I had become someone that some other kids look up to.. Same as usual.. I don't know if I would be a good role model.. But I know I will definitely try.. Love you peeps..

Then I'll be talking about my cca..

As mentioned, I've become the president.. And we did held our first mc meeting at pm.. Though not everyone turned up.. But at least, we kick started the planning for the year.. CCA drive and freshmen orientation camps.. training camps and etc.. Very general stuff.. Then.. I went on hiatus, due to itp.. Tried my best to supervise a little here and there but well, I think I'm still not doing as good as I wanted to.. So sorry people.. I'm sure to devote more of my time when school reopens.. I hope.. Next up, is this sat event.. 10 April.. Abseiling for a Youth Group.. Lets hope everything goes well.. Hola..

Then, to mates at shadows.. I would like to apologize.. I'm guilty.. And I don't want to come up with lame excuse for myself.. But I would try to make it for more soccer session if time allows me to.. I'm sorry..

Oh yeah, additional stuff..

Treated Nj to a big meal.. spend 60 dollars?

Should be taking 3 star kayaking assessment soon?

Should be taking ppcdl practical test soon?

Should be buying a new specs to replaced this damaged one soon?

Still addicted to SNSD.. Bought 2 new albums and received 2 poster..

Received a new bed and wardrobe from mum.. Thanks mom.. Love you..

Did pretty well for first 2 itp test..

Ahhh.. I think I've sorta came to the end.. I think there is still alot of stuff I wanna say.. But, well.. A human have its limitations.. So I think I would end it here.. Hmmm.. If there is anything I missed, shall add it in again..

Till next time, cheers everybody.. The once-in-a-while blogger, MxFate, signing off..

2010-03-08T22:43:00.002+08:00

17 days.. And only 17 days..
Well, for some other bloggers, this may be considered a long period to be away..
But for me, based on the past trend, I would say its quite normal..
On top of spending the last 2 weeks having my semesteral exams,
I attended a farewell party for our senior-former upgrading IC-former president..
The one and only Lee Jia Yao kp..
Well, I think there were just some kinda mixed feelings, which cant be described..
After all, he's already in the army as of monday..
And I don't think we'll get to meet him often anymore..
He was so much a part of our everyday life in SPA, so much a leader and support to us,
that we still feel that we need him even now..
Okay maybe not we, maybe just I..
Because just after party, was the handover ceremony for SPA,
and I was handed over the baton for leading the club.. As its new President..
I know I voted myself, but honestly, I don't know if I'm up for the job..
I just don't want to make the same mistake and continue regretting life..
For once in my life, I felt the need to have an ambition..
Not for myself, but one for this club..
I feel that for the club to have success, I first have to want to have success for it.. If I'm just thinking of leading for the sake of leading, we're never gonna make it in a lifetime.. We will always be us, with no foothold..
For once in my life, I feel like I want success, for the club to be recognize, for the members to feel like their fighting for a noble cause, for them to feel like they didn't follow the wrong person.. For me to lead them all well..

Honestly, thats what I want.. But with so much responsibility coming up.. My ITP, my religion, and school work, fyp and third year modules.. Real hell is just about to start.. Can I face them squarely and live to tell the tale, or will I falter in the face of stress.. I don't want to know.. But I know I want to try..

Cheers everybody, the once-in-a-while blogger, MxFate, signing off..

2010-02-19T17:55:00.002+08:00

19th February

10 days have past.. Chinese New Year, Valentine's Day, Blood donation.. It basically sums up what I've been doing..
You know, its just another new year, just another day you visits your relatives..
I didnt even realize, when I started to stopped, looking forward to new year..
I don't dread about it, I just don see a reason to look forward to it..
The ang pao and money just didnt seems to matter much to me anymore..
And valentines day, its my second? or was it the third year alone?
Not sure, not caring.. Doesnt matters anyway..
I'm better off alone for now.. Cant have more distraction than I already do.
The most meaningful event was blood donation..
At least I did something that would helped someone some day..
I hoped.. Still waiting for the blood testing results so that I know my blood is safe.
Don't want to be donating bad blood.. lol..

Anyway, met up with people from ssf.. Its an online forum cum fansite for SNSD..
The hottest korean girl group that has hit the entertainment industry by storm..
Ring a bell? They sang Gee, Genie and a ton more songs and have ranked 1st on the chart for a very long time.. hoho, guess I'm just became a fanatics..
Oh, and I was talking about the met up with this stranger..
We chatted online, and decided to go for a movie.. 6 of us..
I don't do this kinda stuff in the past,
but lets just say people change and grow=D

Cheers..

2010-02-09T20:53:00.002+08:00

9th February

Ahhh.. So yet another week has past..
Not that awfully long, but not short as well..
For those who can see my calender above,
you must have realized that I'm quite busy..
Or so I believe..
Well, lets give an update on everything that happened..

That mathcad test on the first, seems to be done pretty well..
Although the teacher didnt wanna returned my paper, after a stupid argument..

The PDD presentation on second seems pretty okay for me as well..
Really have to thanks the other group mates who put in so much efforts..

ITP briefing on the third was kinda, demoralizing..
It opened up our preconceived mind to the greater truth about ITP..

PROINS quiz on the fourth went pretty well..
Just took back the paper today, and I scored 42/50..

Collection of contact lens went pretty well on the fifth..
Went to do some shopping after that.. Flat broke yet again..

Pengarang on the sixth and seventh was a new experience..
Really a good time to chill out and enjoy..
Although I got an eye infection due to the dust and stuff..
Oh well, just have to put my contact lens away for a while..

School and Monday was normal?
Except for the argument with the maths teacher over the mathcad test,
there wasn't anything much.. Oh, finished the Gems movie as well..

Today, submitted the gems movie, did the gems test and scored 12/20..
Gotten back the PROINS quiz, as mentioned above, 42/50..
And did the PPCDL theory, unbelievably 28/30..

Happy ending for me, for now.. Thanks the Lord..
Gotta go now peeps, stay tunned to updates of my boring life.. Cheers =D

2010-02-02T23:36:00.002+08:00

2nd February

That was fast.. Kinda too fast.. Everything just seems to be zooming past..
You know, it was just not long ago that we celebrated a new year,
and now we've actually entered the second month..
And soon, it would be the long awaited Chinese New Year..
Fast.. How come everything is happening so fast?
I don't even have a time to sit down and log down my thoughts like I usually did..
I had so much I wanted to say, on the post for my birthday..
But I had so little time, and eventually, all those long thoughts were shortened..

Basically, I just wanna say thank you once again, for those people who contributed to my happiness, not just for that day, for that period of time.. All those little little things that happen, added up to one big smiling face, across my heart and soul..

For gifts, I wanna thanks my brother and parents, for giving me that new phone.. Although I know its free, but its still way better than what I had been using..
It may have been done without that intention, without much effort, but I know that they could have choose not to give me anything.. For that, I'm grateful..
I also wanna thanks the people from SPA.. For giving me the bag.. And especially why kei and veron, for walking a whole evening with me just to find a suitable bag.. Sorry for the blisters on your legs, I'm really grateful for the time contributed..
Next, I wanna thanks my Secondary School class mate, who prepared the awesome surprise for me. Although I know too much to predicted a surprise before hand, I always do my best to show that I'm surprised, to be grateful.. And I did.. I'm really really happy though, for the shoes especially.. I really needed that soccer boots..
Last but not lest, I wanna thanks Shi Hui, my primary school friend, for taking time and effort to go all the way to imm to buy me.... boxers!!! haha.. and a piece of cheap plain clothing upon my request.. Really grateful as well..
Other than the gifts, there are some special people I wanna thanks as well..
Firstly to Jie Lin, for remembering my birthday.. I thought I was gonna sleep that night without receiving a wish from you.. But upon seeing that msg, it really motivates me to push on further..
I also wanna thanks the SPA people once again, for going out to have dinner with me twice on the actual date of my birthday and on the eve.. It was a simple meal, but it was heartwarming enough for me.. For the meals, I'm especially thankful to Nj, Thomas and Eugene, whom I heard was in-charge of gathering everyone.. Also not missing out Veron, who was absent but still remembered to prepare the card I wanted..

There is so so much I wanna say, so many people that I haven mentioned, but in the end, all I wanted to tell everyone is thank you.. I'm really grateful, and I really appreciate everything that was done.. It might have been a small gesture, an act of politeness, or just simply for the sake of doing it.. What ever it is, I'm thankful..
To have friends like you guys.. I'm recording all that I can remember, just so that I will never lose these important memories..

Good nitez everyone.. With love this time around .. =D

2010-01-29T01:25:00.002+08:00

28th Jan

My Birthday.. Finally here, finally over..
A new year is starting for me..
As of every year, its more responsibilities..
Year by year, little by little, without me noticing,
I've started to slowly carry up so much more stuff on my back..

Well, all I've gotta say, is thanks so much to everyone that rmbed..
I really appreciated it..
Update anytime..lol

2010-01-18T09:31:00.002+08:00

18th Jan
Day just started, in class now doing mathcad..
Lets move on to review for the past few days..

15th - 117th Jan
Its been a long weekend..
Deprived of sleep, but full of fun..
Did alot of stupid stuff, played alot of stupid stuff..
But this whole camp, wasnt stupid at all..
Everything was done with a reason, a motive..
And all we wanted, was for the juniors to grow.
So that one day, they will be able to lead the club..
There are already so much a part of us,
now, we just have to get them ready to lead..
One day, when the seniors are gone, when we are gone..
They will be the one leading..

This is like the never ending flow of river,
whereby every droplet of water counts..
Every drop will push another forward,
and it will in turn push another one forward..
It just keeps on going and going..

The few days, have been tough for the juniors,
no doubt.. But as Shi Ni always say:
"Tough time don't last, tough man last"
Well, I'm glad that most of them made it through the camp,
but I'm hoping they don't just stop there.
I hope they will be able to continue to grow together..
Good job everyone, cheers =D

11th - 15th Jan

Fucking boring school all the way,
nothing worth mentioning..

2010-01-10T18:08:00.002+08:00

10th Jan

First week ends after the holidays..
And I'm already filled with tasks,
yet to be completed..
Phew, gotta buck up and hopefully pull it through..
Had a whole day of meeting today for QSN..
Well, we've done what we could,
now we could only pray for the best..
May god aid us.. =D

9th Jan
Tiring day..
Had sports elective in the morning,
then repaired the plastic kayaks in the afternoon,
and self training following that,
plus soccer at night..
Well, wanted to some work there afterwards,
but I guess I'm just plain human,
who needs his rest.. lol..

Well, enough talking for now, gotta go back to rushing those work..
Hola, Cheers =D

2010-01-09T01:02:00.002+08:00

8th Jan

Had 2 hours of lesson in the morning,
and it was slack all the way after..
Discuss a little about the D&D module,
then went to library to slack a while..
In the afternoon was the eye check at West Coast..
Then I went back to school for a meeting in the evening..
Around 8 plus, I went back to WCP for the class gathering..
Yet another bbq, lol..
This time I ordered more vegetarian food..
Woo la la..
Not a bad day for me, had fun, laughter and joy..
Cheers.. =D

7th Jan
Boring lesson throughout the day..
Sleep a little, did a little work..
Evening, went back to my previous workplace..
With 4 other frenz..
Chow, Nj, Yk and KSN.. lol...
Treat Nj and Yk dinner, cost me a bomb but thats okay..
Hola, hoped they enjoy that dinner.. lol..
Nothing much on, Cheers..

Sleeping soon, damm tired..
=D

2010-01-07T00:54:00.000+08:00

7th Jan

Finally changed the god damm skin..
More changes coming right up =D

2010-01-07T00:07:00.002+08:00

6th Jan

Had prac in the morning, training in the afternoon, discussion in the evening, celebration at night, and supper at the end of everything.. Hola.. Simple summary for a simple day.. Tired but well, this feel more alive to me..

5th Jan

Standard lesson, standard tutorial, standard lectures, and standard sleeping through them.. Well, I just hope to make it through all these boring classes soon.. Hola..

Cheers everyone.. My once in a while super short post.. =D

2010-01-05T01:10:00.006+08:00

3rd Jan

Slack at home the whole day..

And went to Gramps house..

I really feel like doing something for them..

I dont know, just something, anything..

At least to let them know that I really care..

My Gramps and Aunt are old already..

Someday, they may not be there for me to care anymore..

Better spend my time with them wisely..

4th Jan

First day of school..

What a whore.. Boring..

Had rock climbing after school..

Here's a song I've been singing, for all u bitches who's complaining that I'm noisy..

Westlife - Desperado

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

You been out ridin' fences for so long now

Oh, you're a hard one

But I know that you got your reasons

These things that are pleasin' you

Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy

She'll beat you if she's able

You know the queen of hearts is always your

best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things

Have been laid upon your table

But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger

Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you

home

And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some

people talkin'

Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?

The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

It's hard to tell the night time from the day

You're losin' all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

Come down from your fences, open the gate

It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you

You better let somebody love you

(let sombody love you)

You better let somebody love you

before it's too late

Cheers everyone, nitez. =D

2010-01-02T22:50:00.002+08:00

2nd January

Okay, here to blog again.. Before I forget anything..

Today, has been a long day.. For me..

Woke up early and rushed over to pm for training..

Training not for me, but for the juniors..

Well, rushed also cant do much, the boss was late.. LOL..

Anyway, it gave me time to prepare the room in advance for the lesson afterwards..

Well, it was all just about teaching rams and proposals..

A crucial lesson for the juniors, because it will be a part of hell..

Those of you who read, better take the initiative to ask us more if don understand..

anyway, I though i could listen through..

But ended up, halfway I decided to go an sleep..

Well, cant blame me, really too boring liao.. =D

Anyway, after the lesson, the juniors went straight to planning pengarang..

Pengarang is a place in Malaysia, and we usually go there for cycling..

So this time, its the juniors time to plan an in-club trip..

And we will be assisting them.. =D

Well, I helped out a little, giving advices where I could..

Then I went down for kayaking.. Practice a little before 3 star assessment..

After that, it was boating..

Damm, I actually forget how to berth after so long..

I really should practice alot more before the ppcdl assessment.. Hola..

Anyway, after boating, I talked to them a little and then,

it was time to wash up and dinner follows afterwards..

Went home around nine, changed, qing shao and msn all the way..

Well, its been a long day, and a long night..

Sometimes, decision are hard to make..

1st January

Haha, I know this seems late but HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE..

I guess I mention what I want to say on the last day of 2009..

So for today, I just wanna thanks those special people,

who celebrated it with me..

Although we didnt have first works,

we have heartwarming 'dou hua' and ' you tiao'..

Thanks to Ben, Sq, Gx, Alan, DAryl, Jj, Pj and Sw!! =D

Gym after the celebration.. And sleep for the whole afternoon..

Phew, damm shag for the first day of the year..

X.X

cheers everyone..

2009-12-31T21:02:00.004+08:00

31st December 2-0-0-9

Last day, of this year..

And we're all set, to move on to 2010..

Turning 19 soon, in about a month or so..

Turning into an adult,

even quicker than I've even imagined..

This coming year, will put me on a whole new level..

Because if my studies proceed without problem, I'll be third year..

Because if my cca proceed without problem, We'll be the people in charge..

Because if my religion proceed without problem, I'll be taking more responsibilities..

Because if my life proceed without problems, I'll have to start planning..

A whole new level of considerations, I've to make..

And its just part and parcel of life, of growing up..

Well, lets just hope I managed, like I always did..

Anyway, going out soon for countdown,

With my Sec School friends..

Cheers people, cya in a while..

30th December

BBq outing with Pri School friends..

Been a long long while, since I last saw many of them..

It sure brings back memories, though its just bit and pieces, from everyone..

Well, its this bits and pieces, that makes us remember, what a class we were..

Cheers to everyone who went, you make my day.. ok.. night..

Second last day of the year, spent memorably..

Lets the pictures dictates the happenings..

2009-12-30T12:31:00.006+08:00

30th December..

The last five days of my holidays.. Finally decided to post something..

I've so much I wanted to say, although there's so little I want to share..

-contradictions dictates my life-

Firstly, lets talk about boring today:

Wake up, no before I woke up, my Dad was nagging all the way......

Alot of stuff to be done today..

Firstly, the LPG guy is coming to replace our old one..

Secondly, a TZ is coming to collect our mattress and pillows and blankets..

Reasons? Well, a bunch of Indo QX is coming to stay over in Sg.

So many of us are lending out mattress to them..

Anyway, here's a snapshot of the aftermath:

You may be thinking, LOL? WTH? Was there a battle?

Actually, I dismantle it.. Personally.. Single handedly.. Or wad ever you call it..

Because my mom told me we (all siblings) will be getting new beds..

Wow, since we'll be getting new ones, lets start by taking down the old one..

Kinda have a mixed feelings while I was doing the job..

Its always good to get new stuff, who doesn't want it?

But old as it is, the fact is that the bed frame have been with me, for almost as long as I can remember.. I sorta develop feelings for stuffs..

Even my house which I've been staying in since birth..

It might be time for the old bed to go, But I know it will always be in my memory..

Oh well, gotta move on..

Anyway, after that, I went on with vacuuming.. and had the whole flat sucked..

At least its clean for now..

Today is the fifteenth, and before you go looking at the damm calender, READ ON..

I'm referring to the lunar calender.. =.=

Well, I suppose today is a prayer night, but I don't think I can make it..

Damm, just when I told myself I will be more into my religion..

But alas, I've an outing later on, and its been planed months ago..

Well, fuck that.. The calender is out since forever ago..

I guess I just have to skip today prayer.. again..

It might be late, but its never too late for me to start checking the lunar calender oftenly for god sake.. God aid me..

Okay, enough about today bullshit, when its not even over..

Lets retrack a little and go back to the 24th-25th December..

NIKE.. The Northern Island Kayaking Expedition..

From PM to Sembawang, Sembawang to Changi, to round ubin, and from Changi to ECP.. It was a long and tiring 4 days..

Many things was done, many things happened, many things revealed, many thoughts processed.. And I think its time, I start thinking about the kind of future I want..

The kinda future I should be walking down..

Oh, btw, check out the post below for my NIKE Journal... *.^

And I'll start logging down my thoughts,

once I get them arranged..

Well, thats a short summary for that period..

Between then and now, was two days of rest..

Monday the 27th

Spent the first day doing practically nothing..

Rotting at home, then rotting at school..

Tuesday the 28th

Took 4 MRT rides..

to Clementi, back home, to school, back home..

Packed and returned stuff borrowed for NIKE,

and arranged stuff for GC..

Hola, project afterwards, long draggy and boring..

Well, one could say its almost essential..

Anyway, ended the day just like that..

Moving on..

Here's where I'll end this post..

And just a short update for who ever is reading,

I'll be changing the blog layout..

To the new widget thing..

See how it goes and how it fares..

Cheers everybody..

2009-12-30T12:03:00.013+08:00

NIKE JOURNAL

24th December:

Time now is 12.45 am, and I'm writing down this Journal during an expedition.

I guess you could say I wanted to keep my memory fresh as it is,

so there is no better time to log down everything that happened,

than on the night of the day itself..

Just before one closes his eyes, and prepares his mind for the very next day,

he gotta look at what happened today, and reflect on everything that happened..

So lets start all the way to the very morning of today:

I woke up, around eight and started packing my stuff for the expedition..

Booties, SealineBag, Whistle, Hammock, Clothes, Hat & everything else I could think of..

I went through the list over and over again, making sure I'm not forgetting anything.

And once everything was nicely packed, I grab a slice of cake and left my house..

Looking at the time then, I was quite shocked..

For its one of the rare occasions, I'm actually early instead of being late like I usually do..

But alas, when I'm finally early, all my friends turned out late.. Well, not all, but most..

Sometimes it sets me thinking, if this is a trial from god..

Maybe its time I start getting use to being early, so that one day it will all pay off.. =D

Okay, after waiting for quite some time, we eventually decided to cab down to PM..

Since its less troublesome, saves time, plus it was raining heavily by that time..

Once we reached poly marina, the rain just keep getting worse and worse..

But for us, a little rain is not going to stop us.. The preparation has to be done..

Things might be a little messy then, but with a little initiative from everyone,

everything went according to schedule and we managed to set off as planned.. =D

From PM, we separated into 3 groups and set off for Sembawang via different route..

Grp1: Went to Sembawang with the lorry, which carried all kayaks and equipments.

Grp2: Went to Sembawang via the powerboats.

Grp3: Went to Sembawang, while making a huge detour to get food and some other stuffs..

Well, needless to say, I went with the third group, along with 3 other friends..

We first walked to West Coast Sheng Siong to buy the motivational foods..

Then, we took a bus to Clem. MRT and transferred to train, all the way to Sem. MRT

Once there, we walked around the area and purchased food at different coffee shops..

And when all the orders are checked, we went to the interchange and waited for the bus.

The bus brought us all the way to the entrance of Sem. Park,

but we still have to walk quite a distance in to our campsite..

At Sembawang Park, Grp 1 was the first to reach. By the time we arrive,

all the equipments have been unloaded and most of them were already resting..

I thought we could rest a while as well before Grp 2 arrives,

but it was not more than 5 min before we received a call from them..

I knew then, its was time for the next Job..

We spent the next hour or so, pushing and pulling before bringing all the boats ashore..

Thereafter, I spent much time alone, looking after the boats, enjoying the winds..

Started cooking my dinner around seven and finished eating at eight..

Plain old maggie mee, with mushroom seasoning, plus a can of prickled lettuce..

After dinner, I set up my hammock across two trees and started slacking..

Bath time was a little after that, and it was more slacking that follows..

Managed to get a few calls across, and I knew this was gonna fuel me for the next few days to come.. Signing off now, at 3 am..

-Ok, here come the dumb part.. After the first night, I was too damm tired to write down the Journal on the Second and Third night, so what ever there is gonna be logged down might not be as freshed.. But regardless, I'm still gonna do it, lest my memory fails me-

25th December

Woke up from my short sleep, and start to pack my stuff..

Keep the hammock, brush my teeth, pack my SealineBag..

Thereafter, I started packing the equipments for the boats..

In the mean time, a few people took turns and brought breakfast down to me..

Really thankful for their efforts, and appreciative..

Breakfast was French Toast, something we don't usually have for expedition..

Just tell me how much efforts they really put into planning the food..

After breakfast, time to get serious..

In the next hour or so, we did a couple of things, fast and efficiently..

Pushed the boats back into the sea, and load it..

Prepared our kayaks, and launched it..

Get into formation, and we were all set and ready to go..

Non stop paddling, and chatting all the way to Changi..

Okay, maybe a little break in between now and then.. =D

Well, my partner for the day was Guo Shu,

A chinese girl, my senior by 3 yrs, lesser relative experience, but full of spirit..

Well, at least I wasnt bored kayaking with her..

Anyway, we finished that day worth of paddling pretty soon,

and then it was time to set up camp at Changi..

We unloaded all the things from the boat,

set up a few hanging lines and the three tents we brought along..

Those who have hammock went on with their stuff and tied them up..

Thereafter, it was time for bathing and sleeping..

Nothing much that night and sentry was carried out as per normal..

26th December

Woke up and did practically nothing..

Had pancakes for breakfast which was also awesomely prepared by the food com..

Then, we were separated into 3 groups again..

Grp1: Set off for round ubin, with all the kayaks, and only 1 power boats..

Grp2: Sef off for the nearest super market and bought bbq food..

Grp3: Land support, assigned to look after stufss.. Practically sleeping..

Well, as of day 1, I fell into grp 3.. and really did nothing..

I continue eating breakfast until I finish the pancake mix..

And then I tied a hammock in the hut and started sleeping.. zZzzZzzzZ

Well, everything was fine at the start..

Communication was on with the Sea Side, and the weather was fine..

Then, we start to lose communication, and phone was also on and off connection..

And after bout a hour or so, the weather start to turn bad.. really bad..

Before it rained, I managed to keep all the laundry that was hanged up the previous day..

I shifted a little equipments, and brought one blue tarp over from the boat side..

And just before we starting building a make shift shelter,

It started raining.. The cold wind accompanied by the needle-like rain drops..

Though we managed to build a temporary shelter, it wasnt blocking any of that..

Basically, I screw up when it got cold, and wasnt thinking straight..

And it took me a while before I decided to change the shelter to another type..

Tsk, man.. What happened to all that preparedness and urgency..

I think I'm rusty le bah.. Really really need to set my mind back on track..

Just a short while after the shelter was rebuilt, me and cs left to collect more food..

We took bus, drenched from head to toe, with strong air con, to tampines..

Walked to cs's mom and dad store, collected all the necessary stuff and left..

This time, we took a taxi back to Changi..

On the way back, we were so cold and hungry that we ended up eating the food we collected..

Bee hon, mock duck, mock pork, mock everything..

We just kept on eating and eating..

By the time we reached back at Changi, 10% of the food was gone.. LOL..

But it was still okay, Since most of it was just vege food..

And there was alot more for meat eaters.. tsk..

After we reached back, the drizzle continues for a while more till the Sea Side returned..

We helped them unloaded, and sent them all to bath..

I stayed behind to look after the boats for them..

And went on to bath when the juniors return..

Dinner later on was the bbq, and alot of dumb stuff happens..

Main point: Regardless of any unhappiness, everything was worth it when everyone was having fun in the end, food was sufficient.. Hola!!

Night time: Juniors sentry, seniors all sleep.. After all, tml they all boat..

Oh yea, this time I slept on the floor because I was too lazy to tie a hammock. =D

27th December

Woke up, brushed, washed my face, and shitted, all at different toilets..

Went back after all that was done and then I start helping out with breakfast..

Sandwich with egg, cucumber, tomato and cheese.. A little mayo as well..

All the sandwich was packed nicely into small packets.. With a little sticker..

Well, this is really the first time I've eaten something like this for a expedition..

Really the becoming the best food com ever in the history of SPA.. LOL..

After breakfast, we started packing everything..

Boats were pushed in and loaded with equipments..

Kayaks were allocated and people started disembarking..

And then, comes the next few hours of hell..

The distance generally wasn't the problem... It lies with the tide and waves..

The side current caused us a lot of problems by constantly pushing us to the wrong directions..

I started to get pissed, but I slowly clam my self down..

In the end, I still used alot of brute strength..

And my partner of that day was VERONICA!!

Haha, not say she is a bad partner, she was paddling just as much as I did..

Well, at least i got another person who would talk with me.. And keep me entertained.. =D

The bad news was that the fark-tup current stayed with us all the way till ECP..

And when we saw the beach, we were really happy,

like when u finally saw the end of the light in a tunnel, you've been crawling in for 10 yrs..

At ECP, we start unloading the kayaks and boats of everything that wasnt needed..

Then we started carrying all the stuff to the lorry, which was some distance away..

Loaded them all up the lorry the same we did when it was transported to Sem. Park.

This time, we were split into 2 groups only..

Grp1: Went with the boat travel to pm via sea..

Grp2: Went with the lorry travel to pm via land..

Well, I went with grp2, sat on the lorry with a bunch of alums, and talk cock all the way..

We shared experience, no.. They shared their experience with us mostly..

And I was just listening most of the time.. Opens me up to another point of view in life..

Anyway, we reached pm pretty fast and started unloading the stuffs..

Once down, we started washing what ever we could immediately..

Firstly was kayaks, then paddles, then PFDS and then Skirts..

Just when those were about done, Grp 1 arrives..

The second wave of washing thus begun..

We washed the boats, messtins, groudsheets, tents, blue tarp and everything else..

Took us a long long long long time, and by the time everyone was washed as well,

it was about 7 to 8.. And we slowly make our way to the bus-stop..

I guess NIKE was officially over after the debrief somewhere before we bath,

and thereafter people started to leave one by one..

Well, we didnt have the usual gathering after an expedition,

but I assume it was just because everyone was tired..

Hmmm, just glad that everyone was willingly to spend this few days of the holidays,

to make this NIKE a success, for our SAW YAO SHENG, who did so much..

Hey buddy, good job.. Cheers..

Signing off after so much typing, for those who read, please tag me..
I'll be really glad..

-cont-

2009-12-24T01:45:00.003+08:00

24th December

10 whole days since I last posted..

Been an awfully long ten days..

Lets start with what what happened just yesterday..

23th December..

Well, today is a long awaited day..

Finally going to meet someone I waited so long for..

And I eventually did..

Well, I might have sacrificed my level 2 abseiling test today,

But I know that I will get it back sooner or later..

And I know that everything was worth it in the end..

Because I gained something of greater value..

Today, I conquered myself.. I suppressed the beast.. I controlled my emotions..

It was a long fight,

one with a big disadvantage against me..

But I did it in the end..

I was so close to committing the crime I did then..

But I'm so glad now that I've proven myself..

Once again, I've found the new courage to stand up..

And fight for things in my life I really want..

I might have fallen off the right track some where in my life,

but now once I'm back on,

there's no stopping me..

I will not fail again!!

Thanks to you..

For what ever you've done,

what ever you've sacrificed..

I will keep them close to my heart,

as a constant reminder,

and as a testimony to my actions..

I cant begin to tell u how grateful I'm now..

Both to god and to you..

You're the one I need..

Tml is the eve of NIKE..

Eve of Christmas..

This three days of pure kayaking,

is exactly what I need to unwind and have fun..

well, I hope I can clear my minds off what ever loads I've as well..

Cheers..

22rd December

15 December

Update again..

2009-12-14T09:18:00.002+08:00

14th December

Start of a brand new day..

Was thinking of sleeping till quite late..

But I still woke up around 8..

So, since I have nothing to do then..

I went to kitchen and helped my mom to hang the clothes..

And then, I started folding clothes..

What a boring morning for me..

=.='''

And then, I switched on my laptop,

read some manga,

and went back to sleep..LOL..

Just woke up again around 9.30,

so I went to the toilet and brush my teeth..

-Insignificant happenings-

Well, the day has just started so there wouldnt be much to post about..

Will be going school to rock climb later on..

And most preferably, go to Airport later on..

A certain someone is leaving for Taiwan,

so I was thinking of seeing her off.. =D

13th December

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Not to me.. to Miss Tien =P

Well, I didnt really prepare a present,

If I could I would have bought a ribbon and wrap myself up..

LOL.. as if anybody would want to receive me as a present..

But anyway, I really hope she had a great day, cheers =D

As for me, I spent the whole day at water venture..

Attending the last day of my four day 3 star kayaking course..

I think it ended fruitful for everyone..

At least we all learned and took back something..

It has been fun, the four days..

So was our coaches..

I can't say we were the best class to manage,

but we're certainly not the worst..

Yet the coach was able to take in both the good and bad side of us..

And continued to passionately inspire our interest in kayaking..

Teaching and Coaching, really is a display of how much interest in a hobby..

The 3 star training course might be over,

But I certainly hope my kayaking interest will continue..

12th December

-3 star kayaking course-

-Regular soccer, without shoes-

Had a tiring day, but it was enjoyable..

I spent the early morning reflecting on my past..

Then, I had a whole day to think about nothing else,

but to work the body..

Then I came hold and enjoy the rest..

Well, thats some kinda satisfaction I'm looking for in life..

Cheers =D

11th December

Last paper over le.. Tell for holiday mode..

Super slacker activated.. Woots..

Will be definitely playing hard this holiday..

Like I always did..

Gotta enjoy life to the fullest before everything.. =D

10th December

Second last paper..

Major screw up..

Not with me..

With the teacher..

And the paper..

So many error..

so little time..

all unhappy faces..

Laugh out Loud..

=.='''

9th December

Stayed in school and studied the whole day..

Boring..

2009-12-08T21:54:00.003+08:00

8th December

Finished the second paper of the day..

Slacking now.. Because next paper is thursday..

Feeling kinda down now..

Contradictions and more contradictions..

I know, I have always been the kinda guy,

who talks to people about their problems..

Who tries his best to open up people hearts,

Just so that they can smile another day..

I don't know how much secrets are shared with me,

I don't how much burden I've carried since I started to care..

But strangely enough, no matter how much people comes to me,

Its not tiring at all..

No matter how much problems, or how serious those problems are,

Its not tiring at all..

Because I know, at the end of the road,

those problems are not mine..
I'm just extending a hand..

But I'm tired.. Tired because I don't share my problems..

Tired because no matter how much I want to open myself up,

I just wont..

Trust me, I really really wanna talk to someone about what I've done..

But I cant just tell anyone.. Not now.. Not like this..

Its just gonna make things worse..

I waited so long.. And in the end.. I'm just afraid of losing things that I really cherish..

I admit, I'm weak.. But its the only way..

2009-12-08T11:28:00.003+08:00

8th December

Started the day with revision..

Pure maths calculation..

Just keep practicing and checking out for errors that I may commit..

Well, normally people who make careless mistake, leave it as that..

I beg to differ.. If you have taken extra effort to spot careless mistake,

then you would have been able to correct those mistake..

LoL.. Thats why you do practice, to help identify possible error.

Cheers, started the whole post with some bull shit..

Okay, time now is eleven thirty,
I still have two more chpts to go..

Not a big problem..

Test start at three thirty..

Piece of cake..

7th December

Finished the first test of this week..

Not sure I did well or poorly..

Just hope I would be able to past..

As always.. If you don't expect much, you don't disappoint.

Simple as that..

6th December

Stayed home all day, and studied maths.. The wrong paper..

Damm..

...

Worse possible news of the week..

My third grand aunt, which is my dad aunt, which makes her my grand-dad sister,

is in hospital, critical condition.. Had a stone or something in her digestive system..

In coma, just like my grand-dad few years ago..

I know this kinda things happen, we've to 'kan de kai'

but I'm sure she's important to someone, so I'll be wishing that she recover soon..

Second, my cousin.. Smallest son of my 5th Aunt, dad side..

Is in hospital as well.. Even more critical condition..

His white blood cells have rose to dangerously high level,

and base on what I know, it will start attacking its organs..

Just primary 4.. And he's undergoing chemo..

I am worried..

Though my family aint close with the relatives..

We're still related by blood.. A unbreakable bond..

And he's someone I've seen growing up..

Really really hope he can recover..

Really really hope there is a bright tomorrow for him..

Sad news may have been knocking,

but lets not add my bad results to it..

Back to study..

2009-12-05T07:47:00.002+08:00

5th December..

Early morning, and I'm here to post..

And I'm actually posting this for yesterday event..

Before I forget what had happened..

Just a quick update for today first,

Forced to woke up by a stupid phone call..

Which nobody in the house want to answer..

Well, thats our tradition..

The last person who cant stands it pick up the phone..

tsk.. What a family hurr..

Regardless of that,

I would still have to wake up..

Having work later.. tsk.. and exams is next week..

Well, I know the chef need my help..

Cant leave him there to die..

4th December, Friday

Gonna be one of the dates that I will always remember from now on.. Or at least try to..

On that day, about 20 kids from a nearby home visited SP..

And for their second half of the day, We're in charge of making them happy.

And when I say we, I mean SPA.

The initial planning started a month back,

and we were in talks of holding abseiling and rock climbing for those kids..

We had worries, concerns, ideas, solutions, and did what we could,

Just so that those kids, could enjoy that day's activity safely..

For me initially, I was just hoping that there wont be a major screw up..

And I was praying that there wont be any hard kids to handle..

But once I saw them.. my mind went another direction..

I know I just have to do my best, to put a smile on every kid face..

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, or I'm just over sensitive..

But its like I could almost feel, how much that day meant to them..

The way they try to get attention, just tell me how little of that they had at home..

The way they get attached to me like a big brother,

tells me how much they needed some one bigger there to care for them..

I've gotta be truthful to myself.. Because I never thought I would be so close to an Indian kid..

But he was just this little kid.. And race didnt mattered to me anymore.. (I'm hardcore racist)

Seeing how that small little guy, trying to struggle with his fear of heights alone at the cage..

Just melts my heart and I know immediately, he's a kid in need..

Every one of them is a strong kid and I can see that they have been through much..

they were all brave enough to try and hide their fear,

and you could see they wanted so much to be standing on their own.

Because you know, standing at the abseiling cage, is no easy feat even for teenagers my age..

But those kids, were ready to conquer everything they fear,

so that victory of enjoyment they felt when going down the line..

Its heartwarming.. I didn't know I could be this good with kids..

Or actually I did.. When helping out my mom with looking after kids at FT..

I will always ended up being stick around by a few small guys..

Guess that always happens to me..

This day, I learned an important lesson in life..

To put a smile across my own face, its easy. I just have to think about smiling..

But put to put a smile across a kid face, its never easy..

You have to put in alot of consideration and thoughts and efforts..

To make sure that the smile is worth it, and that it will stays forever, in their heart..

Because you know, at the end of the road, you will gain back a smile that stays as well..

A true smile..

Cheers everybody, time to bath and get ready for work..

2009-12-03T22:16:00.007+08:00

3rd December..

Long time since I last post..

Or since I last tried to post..

I have a half written journal that I tried to post on the 29th..

Ended up I fell asleep halfway through,

and I never had time, until now..

So lets just continue what I was doing, a back track and a recording of what has happen, until now..

Today,

Finally handed in my last due report..

The formal report of heat transfer..

Now, with the second last lock off my heart,

I can focus on tml activity, the last lock..

We'll be doing rock climb and abseiling for kids..

First time in my life..

And I certainly hope it wont be the last..

After this final lock is opened, it will be time to recollect my heart..

For MST..

Oh ya, forget to mention.. Went to poly marina this morning..

Help Mr Ko to put our platoon back in place..

Placed four anchor back, and secured the platoon..

Shouldn't be causing us any more problems any time soon..

Wednesday, 2nd of December..

Handed in yet another heat transfer report..

For experiment 3. Phew, damm happy but no time to enjoy that happiness.

Spent the rest of my afternoon, at the library finishing the rest of the formal report..

Almost finished everything, just a little touch up here and there left..

Leaving it all for the following day, and then its print and submission..

Slacked quite a bit after I reach home.. Watched tv mainly..

Well, a man needs it rest, cant blame me..

Tuesday, 1st of December..

Handed in Process instrumentation report..

Went to work, and stayed till ten thirty for a meeting with the manager..

I don't know, if she will be reading this..

But I've still decided to type it all out..

My inner thoughts that is..

Firstly, I cant fail to be amazed at how she can forget that we are students, that have to study on the following day when she make us stayed back for the pointless meeting. I'm also amazed how she could so effortlessly direct so much of her own responsibility to a bunch of part timers, drawing 5/hr, and saying how she should be taking our pay, if she have to remind us to do her job. Funny hur? I'm also amazed to hear that she would say we lack team spirit and moral, and that its our fault, when all along, it should be the leader fault, and that the leader is her.. A leader who cant lead well, should never blame her followers when they dont perform well for her.. There are a whole lot ton more of stuff, but mainly, I really hope that she will go back and reflect on her own actions.. You cant hold a meeting asking your followers to come clean with you, because none of them will voice out the mistake of their superior.

Monday, 30th November

Sunday and Sat 29-28 November

2 out of 4 lesson of my kayaking three star course..

Had been a tiring three days, but no doubt, what we learn are really a bonus..

Stuffs taught may be a little different, but I'm sure we'll be able to pass with a little practice..

Lets hope we'll be able to complete three star soon..

Friday, 27th November

Public holiday.. Rest day..

Or not..

Slacked in the morning, read alot of manga..

Went school in the afternoon to collect equipments,

before heading down to dairy farm for natural rock climbing..

Enjoyed myself.. At least its a form of escape, into nature arms..

If not, I think I will be home gaming all day long.. lol..

Thursday, 26th November

Trial run for 4th December event..

Wednesday, 25th November

Tuesday, 24th November

Worked?

Monday, 23rd November

Sunday 22nd November

My efforts paid off on this date.. And a new promise starts today..

A new beginning, that have given me new found hope..

A new purpose in life, will push me forward..

I thank god for what ever happened on this date..

Stayed a whole day at Tina Guo, for Jing Lao Ri..

Sat, Fri, Thurs 21-19 Nov

Well, although there are alot of , I'm happy to have found time to fill in as much as I can rmb..

Signing off here.. Cheers everyone!!

2009-11-18T02:04:00.002+08:00

18 Nov

Monday

Boring day, boring lesson, boring prac..

Rock climbing..

Was very excited about teaching initially..

But couldn't get the concept across..

Man, this is real demoralizing..

Really have to find a way to be able to teach better..

Tuesday

Skipped gems.. And heard that test will be next week..

Dumb..

EC lesson cancelled..

Slack at Math and Science room all the way till five..

Went work.. Not too many orders today..

Shiok for me.. lol..

Went home, slack, dota..

Wah La!

*side not*

LoL.. My blog is not empty, its the design..

My blog is not emo, its the design..

Whatever I type and reflect here,

its my inner self..

a side of me, nobody knows..

I hide that face, because I know,

it wont just affect me,

it affect people around me..

So for the sake of the ones around me,

I always remain cheerful..

Its as simple as that..

But back at my personal blog..

I think I dont have to hide..

Peace ouT everyone =D

2009-11-15T23:36:00.002+08:00

15 Nov

Fri, work after school.. Standard phrase huh..

Would be glad if I could did something else as well..

But you know, we need money if we wanna play..

And money aint dropping from the sky..

Sometime, people ask me, why dont you get a part time..

I said I did, and they ask me about my savings..

I told them it was little, and they seems a little shock..

Well, you cant really blame me..

I don't earn alot, thats why I don't have alot to start with to spend..

If you think I'm wasting money instead of saving them..

I would say I only have money to spend on what I really really want..

I don't even have extra to go shopping for clothes..

And if you ask me why I don't change a job,

I will say I aint working there, because I really need alot of money..

But I'm working there because there are people there that need my help..

Well, just hope I would be able to survive poly life on this lil.. pay i have.. =D

Sat, sports elective, sea training..

Sports elective was same as usual,

just a whole big bunch of ma'da farkers..

Well, just hope they could start feeling its bored and stop coming..

I really don't like to entertain questions..

But I also don't really like to be rude..

But yea, shit fuck, next time just shut the hell up and stop asking so much..

Sea training was a disappointment..

Not to me.. But to the juniors bah..

Supposed to be me incharge..

But I think I wasn't really thinking right..

By midday, which was their turn,

my brain totally blanked out..

Should have come up with a better training plan next week..

Lets hope we could provide them with a better experience then..

Sun, rest day..

Morning went bxb..

I think I'm getting better along with those troublesome kids..

Maybe its cause they're growing up..

Well, I don't have great expectation for everyone of them..

But I'm still hoping none of them turn bad..

That would be good enough for me to know, since I'm a peer..

After that was lixin fx zhou nian..

Went there.. and all I rmb was food..

LOL.. Didnt really did much..

Went home, sleep.. Wake up, play games..

Really was a great rest day..

Sleeping again soon.. Nitez peeps..

-side note-

Well, life's a bit mudane, but I'm slowly finding my self a purpose..

For now, I've just gotta live through this part of my life,

learning whatever I can..

Afterall, I think I've almost decided, how I will walk the rest of my life..

Even if its boring, i still think its something I must do..

peace out..

2009-11-12T23:09:00.002+08:00

12 November

Its been a week.. Yet again.. Busy week..

Friday, work after school..

Though I did went Vivo before work, just to get a tide book..

Had Chow with me though, so it was half as boring..

But hell, it was still boring as well cuz we're just like this two guy,

walking around Vivo with totally no purpose at all..

All we know, were that we were free and had the whole afternoon to waste..

So we wasted it all away.. Tsk tsk..

We did went to a book store though, and I tried finding a book I've wanted to read..

Its this series called Pendragon, a child book, but hey, everybody have a childhood..

I just happen to wanna extend my childhood, by finishing this series..

And I was down to the last book already.. God..

But that big book store, actually didnt have it!! WHAT!?

That makes me so demoralize right now, But I'm pretty damm determined to find it..

Somewhere somehow..

Sat, first sports elective plus boat recree..

Sports elective was okay, split the bunch'o peoples into half..

I took one grp while I forget was it yu tai wen yi or jun feng who took the other..

Gotta thanks them all though.. They helped one way or another..

The SE people was quite okay, quite enthu for my side..

Don't think that I will be teaching any advance stuff..

Just some very basics..

I just hope they will remain interested.. Haha..

Sunday, slept late.. Did homework. Played games..

A day went past, just like that..

Monday, went for lessons late.. But tut was done so I guess its okay..

Had rock climbing after school..

Great session as well..

Tuesday, went work after school..

Nothing much.. Listened songs with the lame no.9 all the way..

Air Supply rocks..

Wednesday, heard that Jacob was utterly disappointed with us..

I guess its time we did a reflection..

Most of us still doesnt see where the problems lies..

Hmmm.. Can really say much myself though..

Helped out a sports day.. Ended much without much happenings.. Period..

Thursday, Today, went Rock climbing a while after school..

Then I went home, look for shi hui, and went to book the pit..

Thought it was a countdown party, but in the end,

we're havin the bbq on the 30th of dec..

Oh well, lets hope I get to see old friends..

Looking forward to that day..

Doing prac report now.. Sleep early peeps.. Nitez..

2009-11-05T00:22:00.002+08:00

5 November

Had training "yesterday"

which is effectively only half an hour ago..

Really happy to see the fruits of our results..

But I'm sure we all have a long way to go..

Work hard everyone..

Nothing much bout today other than training..

School was only for two hours..

And it was with that damm naggy teacher..

Well, just hoping I wont fail that module..

lol..

And today, something happened..

Something I wouldnt say lucky or unlucky..

Its just a neutral, or even null feeling..

Since that time, I thought I would survive poly without seeing her again..

But I did today..

Or I thought I did..

Well, it doesnt matters..

When we wanna meet each other, we never did..

But when we dont wanna meet each other, we eventually did..

See how Fate makes a fool of man..

Tsk tsk tsk..

2009-11-03T23:33:00.002+08:00

3 November

Had lot of free time today..

Gems ended early, so I slept one hour at clubhouse..

Not sure if its a dream or I'm just too tired..

When I was sleeping then, I felt that I couldn't move..

And when I say couldn't move, I mean every part of me..

LOL..

Not sure if anybody have had the same experience..

When you just felt that you cant move ya hand, ya legs, ya body, or even open ya eyes..

Thats how I bloody felt..

Or maybe it was what I thought I felt..

interesting..

After the sleep, I went to a cancelled lecture class which I only rmbed after stepping in to the Lecture hall..

So I went to the lib and find my classmates..

Did some part of a report, then went to have lunch..

After lunch, we went to the Maths and Science Room..

Having nothing to do, we started working on a huge dalmatian puzzle..

Which we didnt complete.. =.='''

There was enough time.. LoL..

After puzzle was two hours of boring lessons.

And another two hours of effective communications..

Its always fun to attend this lessons as we get to share ideas on different stuffs..

Which are so related to everyday life..

We talk about emotions, how to identify them, how to control them, how to manage them etc..

All seems abstract, but surprisingly effective.

Hoping to learn much more lessons from this module..

After class, went clubhouse..

Watch some manga, sent some emails, and went off for work..

Work was boring as usual, went home thereafter..

Eat, Slack, Bath, Blog and then...

Sleep.. Nitez everyone..

2009-11-02T23:34:00.003+08:00

2 November

Another week has past..

Nothing much happened..

Worked as usual.. Played as usual..

Last Monday was a half day off..

Ended class early.. Got home and slacked..

Tuesday is work day.. Rushed down after lessons as usual..

Wednesday is training day.. Trained till tired as usual..

Thursday supposed to be pool training..

But we had a rescheduled mc meeting..

Took us some time, but we discussed what is to be done..

Friday abseiling day, plus work day.. Phew..

Tiring day, but fun..

Sat was PM day.. Did a whole day of kayaking..

Sun tanned a bit.. Had dinner and talked a bit..

Got home late, played some games.. Sleep..

Sunday was slack day.. Went to religion remedial classes..

As instructors of course.. Then went home and played games whole day..

Alas, did no homework..

Monday, today.. Finished lessons at five..

Went clubhouse and then rock climbing..

All the way till 9 plus..

Went home, eat, bath, slack..

blogging.. gotta do some tut.. Nitez everyone..

2009-10-26T23:39:00.003+08:00

26 Oct

Been a few days since I blog again..

Well, cant really blame me..

A sick person can't leave the bed..

Much less type on the computer.. lol..

Well, not sure what really happened with me..

Just know that my tummy was feeling damm uncomfortable.

And I was running a fever..

But well, thanks to a few people,

I recovered with god speed..

Gotta thanks jj for buying me 100 plus over..

If not for it, I may not have energy to tide over the illness.

Since I couldn't eat much..

Gotta thanks my mom for giving me the wonder med..

That supposed to make me go to the toilet..

Ended up I just vomited everything up..

It really sucks to vomit..

But everything felt much better thereafter..

Gotta thanks the panadol, which got rid of the fever easily..

Gotta thanks every person who ask me to get well..

Received it, appreciated it, glad of it..

Thanks peeps..

Well, right after the illness,

right after I vomited and shitted myself empty,

I went of a feasting spree on sunday...

LOL.. They say old habit die hard..

Well, I say we should just eat while we can.. =D

Had two bowl of rice with niang tou fu,

then I finished up veron's fried hor fun..

Thought everybody's was gonna enjoy the meal..

But yutai seems a little weird..

I think he was sick..

Well buddy, get well soon..

I need my counterpart in crapping..

Cheers..

2009-10-23T00:15:00.001+08:00

23 Oct

Tired and Spent..

Just two days of training straight..

Maybe I'm just too weak..

Need more training..

Just attended a funeral..

Well, its really to for anybody to see a relative go..

Exp someone who is really close..

I do hope I would never get to experience that anytime soon..

Going to sleep now..

Nitez everyone..

2009-10-22T11:30:00.001+08:00

22 Oct

Boring..

Going school now..

Schools start at 12..

Pool training later on..

Au Revior..

2009-10-21T07:09:00.002+08:00

21 October

I feel stupid... I feel guilty..

But above all, I feel that this is a fate,

I cannot escape..

Just said something stupid again to my mom this morning..

She was telling me how my foaming pee could be linked to kidney failure..

And guess what my reply was..

Kidney failure is good.. one can die early..

Dumb..

What kinda son say that kinda shit to his mom..

What kinda son expect to die earlier than his mom..

What kinda son intends not to repay his debt to his parents..

What kinda son am I...

I know its wrong, but I just can't help but feel this way..

Nothing in this world is realistic enough for me to work towards..

No goals, no targets, no destination, no nothing..

Without all those, can I really be blame for thinking death is the only path left?

I know there are so many other roads out there..

So much stuff to do, that I don't even know about..

But does it all matters?

When you die, you die..

Nothings matter then..

Why can't I just lead a normal life with a normal goal..

2009-10-21T01:00:00.002+08:00

21 October

This is stressful..

School was normal, lessons as per usual.. Boring like hell..

Gems - Indian teacher, I swear to talk like Indian next lesson and kill him..

P&ID? - Cancelled, brilliant!!

PD&D - Resumed.. Boring.. Slept through since there was no lesson..

Maths - Played psp through, since the tutorial already done..

Effective communication - O.o I know I talked a lot of bullshit.. Wonder if this module really useful or not..

After that, work work work.. once again..

Now, for the stressful thing.. Poly Marina..

Once again, this accused place is causing my much worry and headache..

First was to tell us to drain our kayaks as its breeding mosquitoes..

Next was to tell us to rotate the kayaks, back to inverted position..

Now, we have to move a whole damm RACK??

Its not feasible.. Practically impossible..

Why cant those adults understand..

Man.. I really hope they will look at the points I've brought out..

Just demolished the whole damm rack.. For god sake..

2009-10-20T00:33:00.002+08:00

20 October

Just spent the first day of school..

Wasn't late, quite happy and felt accomplished.. =D

Started tutorial immediately early in the morning, even before lectures.

Finished tutorial 1 and started on 2..

Then we had two prac briefing, and almost make me sleep.. Yet again..

Went club house to slack a while after lessons..

And then went off to work..

Work work work, boring but necessary.

Work all the way till 11, because of some function..

Ended up, whole day of preparation, ended up with only about 30 people..

Why 30 is a small amount?

Cause the intended amount was 200, and our chef spent the whole day, preparing 200 people worth of food..

Its no wonder he felt to demoralized..

Well, I sorta sympathize him..

To see all your hard work going down the drain, is kinda.. urgh..

Well, in another way, I'm also feeling just as demoralized..

Everybody leads a different life, but at a certain point, peoples path will intersect and intertwine.

For me, I really hope to be able to do what everybody else is doing..

But my road, seems to always lead me to another direction..

This feeling of emptiness.. When I see the smile on everyone else face..

Its just keep telling me, that I have missed something great..

Something that I would have so much wanted to be a part of my life..

But I think I just cant fight fate, no matter how strong I gets..

if only my road didnt make me this way..

though..

I'm still glad those who went, enjoyed KK..

2009-10-18T22:33:00.005+08:00

October 2 - October 18 2009

16 days.. well, it could have been longer..

School starts tomorrow, and its a whore.

I know I aint cut for studying..

But its a stage everybody must go through,

no running, no escape..

Being doing badly in everything recently..

Yet again.. Its no wonder, I stopped feeling disappointment..

After all, someone used to losing, wont feel bad if new losses were made..

Thats the kinda person I am.. Yea, you aint mistaken bout it..

Sucks big time at dota, got pawned like hell as usual..

Sucks big time at soccer, still no signs of skill and what so ever..

Sucks big time at honesty, cant even come clean with mom about going overseas..

Sucks big time at protecting my psp, had to drop it and got it a scratch.

I don't know what else I'm suck at, there's just too much..

At least Datok was an accomplishment..

Finished it without much problems, returned my fifty rm borrowed from the club.

Took me long enough, but at least I returned what I owned..

I hope I could explore mountains which are more interesting..

But as of now, I need money and approval.

Well, I guess I could just hope and play along..

God has already decided on each man path..

Ok, don't wanna post much, lest someone complain again..

I know my journal its kinda long and boring..

Well, what could i say, its a fortnightly thing,

of course its long.. damm you, no. 9 of shadows. LOL..

2009-10-01T10:25:00.002+08:00

September 16 - October 1 2009

Gone for 2 weeks.. I would say it wasnt quite a long period..

Compared to the previous one,

and given the fact that this holidays was damm packed..

I took a look back at my handphone calender,

and I realise that its mainly filled up by 2 things..

Work and Training..

I know I have to work, if I don't want to miss out on the fun others are experiencing..

I know I have to work, so that I won't be the only loser, who can't go anywhere..

I know I have to work, cause I know it sucks, to be the only odd one out..

Maybe i'm just trying too hard to belong.. maybe this just aint my world..

Training.. I have to train myself, I have to train the juniors..

Not an easy feat, but I try to do what I can..

Kayaking is a skill, I can be good at.. If i trained hard..

But teaching kayaking, can't be trained and obtained..

I have to learn it, by myself, or from others..

Well, I think I don't have much of a choice..

Because if I want to learn from others,

I need money.. And thats not an option for me..

But for the sake of my juniors, I will put in the best of my ability..

God bless us..

Other events...

Night hike..

Ended up in a failure..

Supposed to complete everything and reach Macritchie Reservoir..

But halfway through, we decided to give up and left at rifle range road..

Sucks big time hurr?

Well, I guess we can only blame our own weakness..

Stong..

I could say alot happened.. I could say I thought through alot..

First time sleeping on a bed of a train..

Not the best bed in the world, but its good enough..

Went caving, a first for me..

Quite the experience, to venture into the unknowns..

And the first time I slipped, kicked a girl and cause her to fell..

By accident of course..

Sucks big time.. And makes me felt guilty all over..

Oh well, I just have to pay her back in some other ways.

Went up to the base camp after lunch..

Played in the water a little, wash up and got ourselves clean.

Went back to cook dinner and set up our hammock.

First time to have a hut for sleeping area instead of the usual tents.

Cool, makes everything easier..

Then we went to the view point and feel the sunset..

Because the view point faces east, while sun sets at the west..

One of the most spectacular views I have seen on a mountain..

Wanted to just take everything back and share with my friends..

It was just awesome..

First time having tea and eating moon cake at a mountain.

Would die to do it again and again..

With more people of course..

Next come sleep, and then day break..

Missed the sun rise, because we thought it would rain..

But ended up, it didn't.. Oh well..

After breakfast, we got prepared, thinking we would be trekking to the submit..

But due to a delay of time, we only get to trekked up the top of the waterfall..

Notice.. Top of waterfall is not submit.. lol..

But oh well, I guess we still went somewhere nice and enjoyed ourselves..

After that, we trekked back to base camp..

And slacked there for a few hours..

Went to view point to have lunch,

threw some stones and made some wishes..

Then we just sat there and enjoy the view..

Halfway through, yu tai and hilda went to try out the 'slide'

We went after a while when we thought it was going to rain..

I tried once myself, and got abrasion on my ass..

You may be thinking, how can people can abrasion on a slide..

Well, firstly, its a natural slide, make of rocks.

Second, I could say its a 3m slide..

Third, it has an uneven surface and I guess, I just bumped into some..

Painful at it is, It was fun..

After that, we slacked a while..

Then we packed our bags and started our trek down the mountain.

Saw people from NYP reaching the campsite and setting up camp..

What a coincidence..

Whats more, the SDO is one of our seniors..
From a long long ago batch.. WoW..

Oh well, that I guess they say the world is small..

We also saw trekkers from the UK.. 2 of them.. Cool..

After that, its just all the way down down down..

At the foot, we bathed and changed..

Hop on the van, went to the town, had dinner and slacked till the train come..

Went all the way back to Johor, slacked there, ate and watch movie..

Then it was home sweet home...

2009-09-15T10:41:00.002+08:00

July 28 - September 15 2009

A whole 1 and a half month absences..

Yet again, one of those long periods whereby I was too lazy to post..

Well, I thought, I should at least give a small review,

before I start to forget everything..

Exams was completed in this month, but I still don know how I fared.

SIKE ended quite successfully, without much problems..

Completed my Standard First Aid Course..

Juniors trainings have started yesterday..

And..

I lost some money in majong.

Played alot of dota..

Slack at home all day for many day..

Been thinking alot yet again..

Within this few months, I felt that I've gotten closer to my mom..

Althought I didnt really share any personal problems with her..

At least we are talking with each other more often..

And instead, she is sharing with me problems she faces in "school"..

While, she had ITP, i repeat ITP at a kindergarden..

Its for a DIPLOMA she is taking to be a kindergarden teacher..

Cool right.. And she is getting hers faster than I would be..

Oh well, anyway, it aint as easy as it seems..

Small kids now a days are hard to manage..

But I do hope my mom will make it through.. Go for it mom!!

Other than my relationship with my mom,

I've finally decided to cut away my love ties..

Since my last ex till now.. I've been hoping to get a new girl..

Someone I could support, some who could support me..

But thinking back, I realise how foolish I was..

Becasue I know, no matter how much I fool myself,

I will never step out of my past.. Of my mistake..

The one thing I can do now, is to completely seal up myself..

Love is something I no longer have the right to desire..

So I will make it something I will not desire..

Even if its hard, I see no other way..

It my choice.. my life.. my mistake..

2009-07-28T08:09:00.002+08:00

July 9 - July 28 2009

Almost 20 days.. Finally decided I will come and post some thing..
Well, its same as usual, its not like nothing happened so I didnt post..
I just didnt felt like sharing.. haha..
Oh well, although I'm here to post now,
it also doesnt means that much have happened..
Confusing right? haha.. oh well, thats how life is..
Anyway, lets just briefly describe what happened over this few days..

I remember I was sick for most part..
So all I did was rest, sleep and eat that is..
Well, normally people would be quite happy with doing nothing but slack..
But to slack at this period of time would mean hell..
Because poly fifty is tomorrow..
And I will be dead meat when the time comes..
Because my body is already at the worst possible form..
No training, all slacking just one week before poly fifty..
Oh man, what could get worse..

Other than that, I skipped sat kayaking sports elective..
Sick of teaching people who don't listen to instruction,
sick of teaching people who are really interested in learning..
Or maybe its just me..
I think I sucks at teaching.. But what to do..
Its part of our duty.. Oh well..
At least its kayaking, something I like..

Gaming, been playing dota as usual..
Still very noob as usual.. I don't really care though..
Also addicted to the psp game monster hunter now..
Been playing it with friends alot..
Oh well, lets hope I don get so addicted that I don study..

Soccer, same as usual, every sat evening..
1st sat: one of my most tiring session..
running around the court with mucus in the nose and fever raging..
Just when I thought it couldn't be worse, it rained..
okay, now its making the fever worse.. lol..
oh well, I called for timeout and then sat under the void deck to get some rest..
went in again after the rain slowed down for some shoot out..
stupid illness. stupid fever.
2nd sat: post recovery stage..
running around the court with mucus flowing out of the nose all the time.. lol..
at least there was no fever.. So I don't feel so bad..
But I was grasping for air.. Stamina quite low then..
And there was only 5 of us.. So we were like playing 2 - 3.
Thats makes the 2 person on one team damm tired..
But I guess its just our own lack of ability..
Oh well, skills level dropped again..
Maybe its post recovery stage.. Lets hope I get back to peak form or better.

Studies..
Bunch of craps which I dont remember..
Oh ya, did badly for 2 experiment..
Fluid mech, not enough preparation for the slides presentation..
Scored low..
Chemical reaction engineering, not enough time to discuss the practical.
Scored low..
Plant design simulation,
Scored low..
Fuck.. what am I scoring good nowadays..
Oh well, how I wish I could remain in sec school life..
Where there was totally no stress in studies at all..
Alas, time dont reverse, good thing don stay long..
Well, lets just hope I survive this poly life, and get this fucking diploma, putting an end to school life for good..
.period.

SPA
oh well, also nothing much to post.. have been quite inactive this few days..
lets hope I get my form back bah..
and I more thing, I think I will be missing out of kinabalu..
Since my mom dont allow me..
1. She's my mom, I gotta listen to her after all..
2. I just lost my only sponsor. No $ = No trekking..

oh well, I should be feeling sad, feeling disappointed..
But this is not the first time shit happens,
so I think I'm kinda use to it..
At least I have took this days to think through alot of stuffs..
Sometime, you know you have to let go of a certain kinda lifestyle,
when it aint suitable for you..
Maybe I just haven find the place I really belong to..
And although I desperately need to find one now,
there is no point rushing.. It wont just appear like that..
I guess maybe its time for me to move on with life..
I could still do what I'm doing now..
But I guess my commitment just wont be as strong as others..
And I guess I wont stay with this lifestyle forever..
After all, my family is in the business of saving the souls of hummanity all over the world..
Maybe I should just stick to that holy business..
.life sucks.

2009-07-09T22:39:00.002+08:00

Phew, back after a long time.. Or maybe just a few days..

First thing first, tags replies..

-Veronica- "Yo, you don't have to say anything.. I'm grateful.. Thanks for encouraging me.. =D"
-ShiHui- "LoL, there is no life that I 'want'.. I don't really have any grand plan for life.. Thanks for encouraging me though.. I wont try to change anything, but myself.. =D"
-YK- "haha, ah mei.. I know life's short.. But sometimes, the path each man choose to walk down leads to different destination.. My path is just much more bumby.. But I will still try to stay happy de.. Cheers =D"
-Aida- "Ehhh, you think you saw me? haha, don't think le, it must be your luck to see me.. LOL.. Anyway, thanks for encouraging me =D"
-Kesie- "Yo, thanks for being a good listening ear.. You may be someone I don't know, some unknown person connected to me only via the Internet.. But you have been a friend to me.. I'm really grateful.. At least I get to tell someone something.. Maybe its precisely because you are someone I don't know, it makes it easier for me to open up.. hmm.. anyway, thanks for being here.. Cheers =D"
-Cassie- "Haha, your name like my that online friend.. Anyway, thansk for encouraging me.. I will definitely walk out of any downturns in my life by myself de =D Cheers"

Okay, thats it for the tags replies I guess.. Move on to this week..
I ended my last post on sunday.. One of my worse sunday ever..
I ended up feeling how I felt then, but I guess, I aint that kind that stays that way forever..
I move on much faster than I expected.. Much faster than I want..
Maybe its because I don't have a good memory..
And I have a tendancy to forget stuff just like that..
But sometimes, some things just can't be erased.. Things that are imprinted in me..

Anyway, this whole week have been tiring..
Not because I have lots of stuffs to do..
But because my mind refuses to let my body rest..
I feel tired.. I feel sick.. I heard my body telling my brain to stop..
But I can't.. I needa keep doing stuff to distract myself..
Stuff that are lame and time wasting..
Maybe its just my way of running.. The best solution I always turn to..
It kinda sux.. But there aint a better choice for me..

Oh well, to sum it up, I attended lessons as per normal,
sleep through and played through as per normal..
attended traning as per normal..
played dota and read manga till late night..
sleep as little as possible..

well, upcoming sat, steam boat at my hse..
lets hope the spa peeps enjoy..
cheers.. nitez..

2009-07-05T23:57:00.002+08:00

So it has begin..
Devastion, lost, helplessness, pain, agnony, despair..
And eventually, insanity..

I hate it..
Hate being in this state..
Hate needing to pull myself together..
Hate forcing myself to be strong..
Hate, having no one to call out to..

I don't know why..
No matter how much my mind forces my body..
Eventually, my heart will take over..
This weak heart that desire support..

I cant take it anymore..

Fucked up eye infection and a cruel reality..
What more must I be put through..
Before I finally break down..
I down want to know..
I down want to break down..

someone help me..

I'm once again holding on to the last line of support..
I don't want the support to be the one to push me down the cliff..
Like it what happened then..

I..

forget it.. just let me be..
i cant understand myself either..

2009-07-02T00:11:00.002+08:00

-2nd July-
I dont know what I'm doing anymore..
People lose sight of their goals in life,
and deviate from the path they were taking..

I'm different..
I started out with no goals in life,
I don't deviate..
But at the same time,
I wont end up anywhere..

Been taking long walks nowadays...
I don't know why..
Just feel like wasting these extra time away..

Man I going crazy..
So crazy that if u pry open my brain right now, you'll see:
DFSGJHU#$%^YTHGWERTYUI52OLKJ0HG12FDS52D68FGB5NMN8BVCX54ERTJ6HG!

I feel like screamming out loud, but that doesnt help..
I feel like punching something, but that doesnt help..
What I need, is something I cannot get..
Or I should I say, something I deny myself from..

Two more paper coming up...
But I cant concentrate..

Disorientated.. Inorganized.. Undisciplined.. Useless..

-1st July-
Took my Plant safey paper..
Should be able to pass..
Wasted my afternoon away..
Did some conditioning..
A little rock climb..
Lethargic..
Walked home from gombak..
What else can I do..

- - - - -
I dont want to ruin what little that I have..
But should I just tell you I love you..
At least, I have one thing less to ponder about..
One thing less to worry about..
But these three words,
aint coming out that easily..

I cant let insanity consume me once more..
I dont want to walk back into that state..

2009-07-01T01:51:00.002+08:00

-1st July-

Havin my third paper later on..
Plant Safety and Loss Prevention
Well, I did some last min reading,
plus some common sense,
plus some little information I may heard in class,
lets hope I pass this paper..
cheers..

Later maybe going AF to study,
well, always said that but ended up not going dere..
maybe its still a little too far for comfort..
oh well, don care now.. worry later..

-30th June-
Took my second paper, Bioanalytics..
Lets hope I pass it as well..
Not a bad paper, but I didnt really study,
so I cant expect much..
Oh well.. its only 10%..
Not like it really matters...
Great day..

- - - - -

If we were to measure the words we could have said in our life, in terms of how long a queue it would form, I guess mine would be a bunch of similar people lining up for the same stall, wanting to order the same thing.. Alas.. The people can only queue, becaus they don't have what it takes to pay...

2009-06-29T23:37:00.002+08:00

-tags replies-

mx-shihui: haha.. then i guess we'll have to wait ba.. maybe for a major holidays or something.. After the JC ppl A level would be a good time i guess..

-29th June-
Woke up at ten, and started studying..
Eat a bit, drank some coffee, did alot practice..
Finish 2 months worth of lesson within the few hours I had..
Think I should be able to past..
Thats all I ever wish for..
Great, at least let me complete my diploma,
so that I can answer to my paresnts..
If not, I don really know why I'm studying anymore..
Loadsa crap..

Chance among this chain email once again..
Read through it once again, and realise that it does quite make sense..
At least some of it does..

38 things about guys

4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

10. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.

Thats all for tonight.. Alas..
Sad life I'm leading-Undeniable..
Sad path the world is heading to-Unstoppable..
Sad choice every other human is taking-Unbelievable..
Sad rage of God upon us-Understandable
Sad ness deep within me-Unremovable..

What more is left for this world, if we seek to head towards destruction.. I am but One man..
What else can I do, if I cant even convince those who are beside me.. Forget about the world..
What can I try.. To change this ill fated world.. Only time will tell..

2009-06-29T00:27:00.003+08:00

-tags replies-

mx-ben: haha, its okay.. I'm fine man.. thanks for caring..
mx-shihui: haha.. of course I know I still have you all =D so when's the badminton going to be held? Still waiting sia.. haha..

-27th June-
Last Sike Assessment..
Same as usual, passed everyone who came..
I know its kinda pointless, but you know,
I still think it fits what I set out to do perfectly well..
At least now I've let them know what to expect..
I've taught them practical skills for the expedition..
But handling freshies, are really a tough job..
Exp for someone as intolerable as me..
Someone as kao bei, as xia lan as me..

Simple.. There are actually some kinda freshies I don really like..
And I hope they would either leave, and do us a favor,
or change for the better, which would be good as well..
1) Those that aint humble, I don really fucking care if you got 1 star, 2 star or 3 star kayaking.. I don mind if you have none.. But please, if you're gonna come and be trained, don be an ass and try to show off.. If it aint for those more interest freshies, I would have flared up in front of everyone.. Leave if you think you're greater than us.. I dont fucking care..
2) Don't be a nuisance. I dont like answering lame qns, I dont really have the effort to care, I dont really have the time to entertain.. So please, if you can go figure out stuff by yourself if you can.. Like please don sms me this sorta stuff: hi, is there training tml? I wont fucking reply.. Look at the goddam blog.. I will entertain qns during training.. And only those related.. Don come asking me, hey are we gonna have lunch later during training, hey wad we doing later.. I dont fucking plan.. I teach wad i teach, take it or leave it. Lunch or not, I like it, we have it. I don like it, we dont have it. Simple.
3) Don't show me attitute.. I dont care how big size you are, I don care how popular you are.. Fucking piss me off and say goodbye to pm, forever.. I dont ever wanna see your face..
4) I also dont like ppl who get all friendly over me.. I restrict my social circle tightly.. Dont act like you're some long lost fren.. I dont frigging care..
*okay.. i think i better don say anymore.. basically, i just want the freshies to be a little bit more auto.. don do kp stuff, be a little humble.. in this way, we can all be happy...
**aint gonna mention who, so if you come asking, prepare to get fucked..

Had a new kinda training style..
During the teaching of skills, I sent other ppl to teach..
Then I actually got off my kayak,
went up and the RSYC jetty and monitored from higher grounds..
Seems like a better idea..
Allows me to supervise the whole thing better,
and also provide a chance for interation between the other coms and freshies..
Things went quite well, though we didnt went break water..
Spliting headache that day, but still pulled throuhg..

Soccer at night.. Played with Kenneth, SiHao and Kit Chan i think..
Don know how to spell their names..
Suprsingly, alan wasnt free today...
But well, life has to go on..
Did quite badly, injured ankle, injured knee..
Sucks..
Had supper after soccer..
Instant bowl noodles and... PEANUTS!!
haha.. my best...
Went home, bath, and rested..

-28th June-
Slack at home whole day.. Didnt do much, but at least I was happy..
Ending off here.. Cuz really not much to say.. =D
Nitez everyone..

2009-06-27T02:02:00.004+08:00

-22nd June-
First Poly fifty training
Did some track related exercise.. Working mainly on stamina and leg muscles.. Still okay for me.. Although could see that both shi ni and sam quite lost, like didnt really know how to bring they idea accross.. LoL..

Went malaysia after that.. Suckiest experience of a life time.. Marks the foul mood period and deep thinking period which lasted for a while.. Jia yao got ask me wad happened, then I keep telling him later.. Ended up he left earlier.. Guess I must as well spill the beans here and tell everyone, at least those reading my lame post..

I must bring in something one of the spa guys said: "I may not stay with this club for long because everyone is only thinking about themselves, if we don't fight for own needs, people wont care" And I remember my reply was something like: " Well, this may not be the case, you have to look at things for a different perspective.." Then, I thought I knew everyone.. But I'm starting to doubt my own words, and I really hated it.. All just because of a small tiny incidet.. Only yao sheng could comprehend, cause he was with me.. This wasnt the first time something similar happened, and its the second time the exact same thing happened.. :

After training, we bath, went back clubhse.. The girls bathed and went FC5.. So they called us and we left for FC 5. Jia yao left first. Then Me and Saw Left. Leaving Chow and Lard.. So me and saw happily walked towards FC5. I went in and started looking around like an idiot for my frens who were suppose to meet me dere.. Some fren they were I realise, they werent dere.. Then I recalled, the first time it happened, I walked around FC5 like an idiot..Sms a few person asking where they were, before I got a call 5 min later telling me they got tired of waiting and left for mrt station already.. Great.. First time, so I thought it was a small matter.. But this time round, I didnt even borther to search, headed straight away to the exit and started calling jia yao.. Just as I expected, they got tired of waiting again.. Great.. Only yao sheng saw how fucked I looked like.. Been trying to control my temper recently, but that just sparked my off.. Sometimes I wonder wads the meaning of staying when I keep kena "put aeroplane". It was then that I recalled the another similar incident when I "flip face" with some of us over the handover meeting.. I dont know, it seems that only I have such problems.. Maybe I expect too much from a normal fren.. But I wonder, are we only limited to be normal fren? I thought we went through though training camps tgt, I thought we went through life threatening expedition tgt, I thought we were good frens.. I guess I thought wrongly.. And I just got pissed off that day..

Maybe its jus me... This sucks..
Back to the happening of the day, we went to malaysia, had lunch at secret recipe.. Sucks. Expensive. Bland. Insufficient. Came out broke and hungry.. WTF.. Then they wanted to watch movie.. I was penniless, ended up havin yu tai treat me.. Maybe its time I stopped following them around like I want to.. Thats when I thought, I am too much a burden.. So much so that I'm starting to hate my own position.. I am a troublesome guy, because everyone have to give in to me when finding food. I am a troublesome guy, because I dont have money to do things everyone wanna do.. What else and I good for when going out.. Nothing.. I guess its time I stop trying to fit in.. I just cant..

The happenings on this day, left me depressed.. And set me into thinking mode for a while.. Then I thought about someone else, and decided that I will fully let go.. Its not within my power to ponder over love anymore.. Run away.. Its all that I can think off.. For a loser.. There aint a better choice..

-23rd June-
Blank mode.. Slack at home, not being able to do anything..
Totally no mood at all..
But no mood still have to work,
because no money..
Ended the day with nothing much for memory..
Ah, the bunch of rich ppl left for LTC..
I wanna go as well..
But I'm glad I didnt lose to desire..
One have to make a hard decision,
for a better future..

-24th June-
Second Sike Assessment
Just realised how much of a fucked up I really am..
Passed people anyhow..
Teach anyhow..
Almost got everyone killed..
Man, totally lost it already...
Blank state still in play.. Got me too distracted..
Cursed it all..

-25th June-
Fucked up day as well..
Woke up late, supposed to me yutai they all for eye check.
Went to lrt station, card no money, bank no money, I no cash..
Went home to borrow from my bro so as to top up my card..
Wad kinda older brother am I.. A fucked up one..
Reached school, meet them, then went to eye center..
Great, they not open for business..
We didnt get to do eye check,
so we decide to postpone the theory for ppcdl.. Shacks..
How long izzit gonna take..
I dont know, I dont care.. No money anyway..
Stayed in school played com and psp...
Tried to study to no avail..
Went pool training.. Me Yutai and Lard..
Followed them for supper, doing nothing..
Went home KO'ed immediately..

-26th June-
Second Poly fifty training
Static exercise training core muscle, lead by lard..
Then had lunch, at FC3, i was eating my own packed lunch..
It contains, Protein, fats, fibre, carbo..
Totally dont know what kinda crap I'm eating,
Just know what kinda nutrients there are...
Shacks.. Went clubhse slack a while. Play psp..
Jun Feng Wen Yi come, I went home, sleep..
Wake up then go work..
Came home, eat dinner, use comp until now.. LoL.. Finishing the post..

Still in blank state.. But I've clammed down a lot..
Now is almost 3am, tml is third assessment..
Urgh, lets see wad I will do.. Shacks..

2009-06-27T01:13:00.003+08:00

-20th June-
Continue from where I left off..
~did lame body conditioning
~meet nj chow and ksn for lunch at lakeside
~went town to crack my psp
~meet yk,veron and yutai at orchard
~decided not to shop as it was "human mountain human ocean"
~went city hall to meet thom and fel
~went marina bay, and then to barrage.
~reach dere, slack slack slack slack,
~then went out for dinner at lau pa sha
~eat pay as you like indian vege food
~then went one fullerton for starbucks
~drink coffee, listen songs, see chiobu
~left for barrage, bath, talk cock, sleep

-21st June-
WATERFEST ACTUAL DAY!
~morning wake up, brushed, changed, report for duty
~girls in kayak as safety, boys help to launch and retrieve rafts
~somewhere around lunch, some guys change over
~girls rest, boys safety kayaks, boys retrieve rafts
~after the event, help to stack chairs
~then left for pm on powerboat
~shiok ride, but feeling seasick without lunch
~saw nj and yk flew while riding waves
~reached pm, unpack and washup
~waited for jun feng and thomas, then had dinner
~went home KO'ed immediately
~no lunch for vege, pek che
~slipper spoil, pek che
~wasted lots of time at pm, pek che

*distant update*

2009-06-20T10:22:00.002+08:00

-18 June-

Assessment was great..

I passed 8 person for this first assessment,

and I feel that I will see them again during the registration..

For the assessment,

I did some physical training with them,

before putting them into doubles..

You may ask why? Why PT, why not singles kayaks.. Simple:

I did physical training to see if they are mentally fit for the expedition or not..

No, you did not see wrong.. I wrote mentally fit..

Why? because I know to most of them,

the PT may be tough since they arent trained for long periods..

One short session wont test how physically fit they are,

instead, I can see how many can pull through with mental strength..

Mind over Body

None of them complained, none stand and walk away..

Some struggle, but thats great, that a sign of mental strength..

Thats what I want to see..

Being unprepared for a kayaking expedition,

can be devastatin.. The last thing I wanna see is emotional breakdown again..

Period..

Doubles Kayak..

Simple logic, its the kayak they will be using for SIKE..

I dont need them to low brace turn or eskimo roll in a singles..

What I need them to know, is to practice coordination..

Out in the open sea, a doubles is supposed to go faster than a single..

Provided the two coordinate well..

Each must understand their job and play their part..

This way, everyone move fast and save energy..

Cheers..

Night time: Soccer

Late, cuz I have to go home after dinner with spa peeps to change..

Reached them see alan they all bullly small kids.. LOL..

Then we played 3 v 3.. Jusitn, Jia Jun, Alan, Daryl, Jing Yu and Me..

Tired but shiok..

Then got a bunch of girls came..

Own them.. Felt lame..

Then the same usual malays + 2 chinese grp came..

Fucking smoke every fucking time.. Cursed..

Played with them, shared the court and rotated..

Win some lose some..

Got one retard rushed at me, who was without ball.. o.O'''

Sprain my ankle, lazy to shout foul.. Called for swap instead..

Lammed..

Had supper, I mean the rest, I pratically slept through..

Went home, wanna discuss SIKE food with NJ and E-bon,

but fell asleep instead.. LOL..

Ended day...

-19th June-

Work.. 12-9..

I missed a chance..

Wrong decision..

I wonder izzit just me,

or is god trying to deny me chances..

Here I'm trying to make the best out of every situation,

and there I'm getting worse and worse situation..

Some times, I just wonder.. Maybe I dont love god enufF?

Oh well, shacks..

Work was boring.. No business liddat..

Lunch crowd helped uncle ben,

by taking all the orders.. o.O

Like 5 sandwich to 1 entrees..LOL..

Uncle ben shiok sia..

Like rest day..

But sat sure die again..

Lets hope he survived sat crowd ba..

Went home waited for chow, then realised he nj and sn went out for dinner..

then we discussed sat plan..

going jurong to have lunch,

then town to crack my psp,

then town to buy nj stuff..

Period.. Sleep bout 4 plus am..

Adding music to my psp..

O.o Sleep..

-20th June-

Just started the day leh.. What u want..

LOL.. Anyway, woke up, bath and had breakfast..

Now posting, later maybe doing some basic body toning..

Oh ya, added songs to my blog..

Tell me if it ruins it or not.. I mean the whole skin..

-Its time I decide to voice out or remain quiet for the rest of my life... I didnt voice it out the first time, and though i regretted, I've lived till now.. I wont die.. But I dont know.. Is regret something worth carrying?...alas-

2009-06-18T03:58:00.002+08:00

-17th June-

Work..

One word to describe everything that happen that day..

Woke up at nine, cook breakfast, and went to work..

Start at 12, ends at 9..

Then meeting, meet till 10..

Discuss about some admin stuff..

Standards of Procedure, Rules and Regulations etc..

Then went supper with them..

As usual, had ice kachang nia.. Sian but buay sian..

Tired but I took time out for frenz..

Drag till 12 then reached home..

Bath, on comp and started chatting..

All the way till now, 5 plus am 18th june..

oh ya, nj wk veron sn went oversea to stay over at nj's..

cool..

-18th June-

Just started five hours of this day..

Today going to have training cum assessment for sike..

Hope I don oversleep..

Left 2 hours to sleep.. Haha..

Night pool training I don think going le..

I going soccer.. Long time no go le.. LOL..

Good luck for today..

oh ya to add on for 15 and 16...

-13-15th June-

Went through C camp, and found something I lost..

I found a target, a path in life..

For my past 18 years, since I realise I could thinking..

I was lost in life..

Because I don have a target..

I dont value money, I dont value studies, I cant force myself to set a life time goal along a line thats all about playing.. What else can I do..

I wasnt able to stick to religon, but after the camp..

I realised.. If I don step up for the religon,

how much life will be affected..

You may say, I'm but one person..

But if u have foresight, u will understand that 1 person can influence 10, 10 can influence another 10 each, so it will sprea like a fire.. You've gotta have the big picture in mind..

Well, lets hope when I walk down these path, I will stay on it..

-16th June

Night cycling ended well..

We had some safety issue to settle in the begining..

But in the end, everything worked out nicely..

We arranged the whole participant into 3 grps and have different tl leads.

So that it would be easier for us to manage..

Basically i using a lousy bike.. lost my rear light...

OKAY, time to sleep.. NITEZ.. +D

2009-06-16T14:04:00.001+08:00

-15 june-

Back from C camp.. Inspired..

I've finally decided on my path of life to take..

Lets hope I stick on to it..

Cheers..

-16 june-

Back from night cycling..

Exhausted but accomplised..

Finished the whole thing..

Almost gave up halfway..

Because I fell asleep while cycling on my bike..

Cool..

Going badminton now..

Maybe I will post more after I come back.. Cheers..

2009-06-12T23:59:00.002+08:00

-9th June-

Went school early to practice for abseiling course.

Practice a while, did some rock climb and then times up..

Gotta got for PPCDL lessons.. Tuesdays lesson was okay..

Monday lesson was horrible.. Cpt Zaharin cmi..

Aiming for one shot pass..

Just to save money..

Well, I guess I've to do alot of preparations work..

Jia You ba..

-10th June-

Went skol in the morning to do reconditioning training..

Run around the skol three times with Jia yao and Wei loon..

That jia yao crazy one.. ran with us in full taekwondo attire..

Almost fainted sia him.. Crazy guy..

Did some rock climb and practice for abseiling..

After that got the abseiling assessment itself..

Phew, almost seems like a breeze for me..

Heng sia.. Practice time really make alot of difference..

Rock climbing again at moberly after assessment..

Lol, did some stun.. Climbing with pure arm strength..

Siao one.. Haha.. But it was fun..

Had our last ppcdl theory lesson..

Went home after that..

-11th June-

Spring cleaning for clubhouse..

Cleaned alot of stuff, but I dont really rmb wad..

Second half of the day chiong flems report..

Was glad that I finally finish that shit..

But, at the expenses of my god-nuer..

Haiz, promised to accompany her to pasir ris de..

End up the project dragged longer than i predicted..

So very sorry to her..

To think we so long nvr meet up le,

and I not only broke her promise,

but also pang seh her..

Wah kao, guilty..

can only say sorry.. time difficult to arrange..

kayaking training in the night..

mastered my right hand roll le..

8 straight roll.. lets hope i improve or maintain at least..

go home rest for the next day prac..

-12th june-

Had our PPCDL prac lesson..

Think I did quite well..

Cuz all the stuff we already practice before le..

Just have to perfect it with more practice..

Oh well, lets pray hard I get my one shot bah..

Did somethings really bad today..

Missed soccer training..

Cuz I'm tired, and I've to prepare for a camp tml..

Flared up at NJ shi ni and yaosheng for separate issue,

but its all because i cant hold back my temper..

Haiz, don know why recently like that..

Talked to NJ about it..

but i don think i can solve the problem jus like that..

oh well..

Sleeping soon.. tml gotta wake up early for some lame camp..

kao.. waste of my time.. and money..

nitez everyone..

2009-06-09T12:42:00.003+08:00

-7th of June-

Post FO outing.. Went out with SPA ppl and our freshies to Sentosa..

Had a great day there just slacking around..

Sprained my neck while doing tree climbing..

LoL.. Then sleep in the hammock for the rest of the day..

Had dinner at Vivo and then we went to watch Terminator..

Which was quite the disappointment..

Not really what I expected it to be..

Oh well, went home in Taxi with Jia Yao, Fel and Jasper.

Tired and sleepy..

-8th June-

Woke up at about 11.. Ate something and went to look for die da..

Had accupuncture and some hard core die da..

Almost killed me.. LoL.

But it was great, at least my neck not so stiff already..

Hope it will heal soon..

Went home about 12 and sleep again..

Woke up at about 2, chat on msn a while..

Then left house to meet NJ and shi ni for PPCDL lesson..

Boat liscense, here I come..

-side note-

I was asked a question that I could not answer..

Because I'm afraid that things will change..

If moving forward may cause me to lose everything,

I rather stand rooted to the ground, unwavering..

Because I'm not the same anymore.. Now,

I'm just a corwady sinner who dare not move forth..

Trapped by my own regrets,

I dont feel that I've the rights anymore..

I dont have the rights to love..

One day, maybe just one day..

I should let this loneliess in my heart consume me whole..

I cant take it anymore, but neither do I have the courage..

Show me a path out of this torment..

2009-06-07T00:56:00.004+08:00

Here to update again.. Havent been hardworking lately..

But oh well, you know.. Packed schedule..

Finished our FO last week end.. So how did it went?

Basically, I think it went quite well on the overall..

What we actually learnt from this camp was how to work with each other..

I'm actually quite happy about it..

Just one thing to apologize about, and thats the food..

Maybe a bit screwed up.. But I tried my best..

I guess you can really say,

if you fail to plan, you plan to fail...

Alas, I cant turn back the wheel of time..

So I think I can only hope that I do better then next tym around..

Okay, after the FO is basically just a week of slacking..

Its still school, but I've officially entered pre-holiday mood..

Totally not absorbing any information..

Then kena kao bei by Wei Loon..

FLEMS report still not out yet.. lol..

Bo bian..Not cut out for study..

Wednesday had abseiling course..

Half of us went for the assessment.. And practically,

almost everyone failed the level 2..

I think we're just ill prepared..

Thats the reason why I didnt even bother taking the assessment..

Because I know, we dont have enuff experience..

But overall, I felt that we learned more stuff..

So, its still worth it..

Thursday had kayaking as usual.. Practiced roll, and tried handroll..

Total failure, lets hope I absorbed it and try it out again next week..

Also tried hanging draw.. Almost get the hang of it le..

Great.. Short practice session, but productive.. Cool..

Friday, first lesson with some other SPA ppl..

Attending the PPCDL course together..

Other than me there was: YT, YS, NJ, YK, KSN, vernon and fel.

First lesson was great, at least I didnt fall asleep..

Went thought alot of dry theory stuffs..

Lets hope I can past the whole test I one shot ba..

If not someone gonna kp me liao.. LOL..

Anyway, we went supper after that..

This part gotta apologize.. I dont know if others felt it but I was a little pissed off then..

Cuz it was late, and some of us kinda rushing for time..

So the least I could hope for was to walk a little faster,

chop chop have supper and then we can all home sweet home..

But I guess only I felt the need to move fast bah..

The rest were still wasting their time, slowly walking..

I dont know why.. maybe its just me..

Being kinda edgey now a days yet again..

Pissing off for small stuff, getting angry at nothing..

refer to reflection for more.

Sat, did clinic and sports elective..

Nearly shitted in my pants just now..

When why kei teaching two girls how to do t-x rescue..

Nearly got them killed.. omg sia..

But heng heng everytihng turned out fine.. Phew..

Other than this incident, I think everything else turns out fine..

And so we bath, and then we went out for Ice cream..

Jiayao, yutai, jun feng and wenyi went to get lunch for us..

So we actually had our lunch while the mc meeting was on-going..

Discuss alot of MC and got more and more demoralized..

Just realised that everything about this world is money..

Without money you cant do a shit..

But money is hard to come by..

The poor will always be poor,

the rich will always be rich..

I dont get it..

But I guess I will be missing out on lots of trips and expedition..

Fucking demoralized..

After MC meeting, we left PM and I went cck to meet my fren for soccer..

Was late, but at least I finally make time.. Havent been there for weeks le..

Realised that my skills detoriate alot..

Not to say I had a lot of skills to start out with..

But anyway, today was different..

Because we actually played at the field, with adults..

Fast moving and skilled, experience and quick,

you could say we were outmatched, outplayed and outlasted..

But it was fun playing with them as we learn alot of stuff..

Hope we could play with them again some time.. Cheers..

Now is personal reflection..

Maybe its just me being over stressed, by the matters of the heart..

I just dont know.. Maybe its just me..

But somehow, I need someone to pull me off the path I'm walking down..

The path which is both lonely and hard to walk on..

But somehow, it is the only path that defys neither my heart, nor my logic..

Why is it so hard everytime for me to let of something,

that wasnt meant to be mine..

Why cant my heart see logic..

And not bring this upon myself..

I dont know, maybe I'm just too sentimental a guy..

Too controlled by feelings..

URGH.. Cant anyone free me from this dead lock..

I'm in need of a key, to my soul..

And one more thing.. Why I have locked myself in..

Its because of the horrible things I've done..

I cant talk about it, I don want to talk about it..

But I know, up till now I still cant forgive myself about it..

I've sinned, I'm a sinner, and thats a absolute fact..

Nothing can change it.. Fuck..

I only wanted a simple life.. Why am I so stressed..

I cant move on.. Just remain being stucked.. haiz..

2009-05-29T02:25:00.002+08:00

Yo everyone, here to tag after so long yet again..
Guess tagging once in a while still better than not tagging at all bah..
Oh well, just some quick update..

Its 29th the friday already and its our FO CAMP!!
I hope the freshies these years are hell load of fun to lead..
If not I will just zZz and sleep all the way..
Anyway, lets hope they enjoy our activities bah.. Cheers..

Anything else interesting?
Thursday kayaking, only got me lard and loon..
Also did like 2 laps of swimming..
Omg, so long never swim le,
and plus no goggles.. Swim a while tired le..
Sianx, need more practice..

Wed did abseiling.. Going to have assessment soon.. Great..
Lets hope I do well then..

Tues, I forget I did wad.. Nothing much?
Oh ya, went clubhse chat a while, saw my frenz,
den rushed back to pray..

Mon, meeting? or wad did I do? discuss project.. Cant rmb =P

Okay, Sunday.. Long ago wanna update this but forger..
We went for our RICE recree.. Went to changi to collect bikes,
come back to dover and started cycling..
From SP all the way back to Changi..
And we cycled all the way up north then cycled east..
Shiok sia..
Balls totally no feeling then.. LOL..
But it was a great experience..
Cycled from midday till sun down..
Great training.. =DD

Sat, had our FO prep camp as well..
Only went through some small activity..
Lets hope every things turns out well bah..
God bless. please..

Okay, thats should be about all.. In case anybody wanna know why my nick like so "chim" now a days hurr, just some personnal problems that I cant share with everyone.. Gotta talk to someone I can really talk to soon.. lol.. Nitez everyone =D

2009-05-21T01:58:00.002+08:00

Yo.. Here to post again.. Been a short but tiring week..
Went JE to on monday to actually cut hair and look for some gym stuff..
Had dinner with first, got the hair cut, but not the gym stuff..
Well, its actually lard whos looking for it..
But we've got nothing to do so why not..
Just tagged along..

Tue, ran 4km during run.. Burning sun, nice weather..
work.. Boring as usual.. Late by half an hour..
Reached home by 1030.. Thats quite late but it aint the latest..

Wed, just did abseling.. Had dinner with SPA..
Went home did a little of the flems prac..
Watch two eps of bear grylls.. Going to sleep now..

Cheers peeps.. Nitez..

2009-05-17T00:07:00.002+08:00

Yo.. Its been some time since I've updated..
Just like most of my other posts..
I'm just plain too lazy to post up every small little happenings..

Anyway, I'll just sum up all that have happened till now..
Nothing much..

Its always this phrase.. Guess I must be leading a boring life..
Well, that doesnt matters.. I just have to get used to it..

If there are any more special stuff, I guess I would be posting again then..
For now, I could only say I had a memorable birthday celebration with Alvin at SerWee Hse,
the Kayaking Clinic was a bit of a disappointment,
studies is still tough, with numerous reports and etc..
Thats all for this recent days..
Aurevior, nitez all =D Cheers..

2009-04-27T22:25:00.002+08:00

YO.. HERE TO POST SINCE FOREVER AGO!!

LOL..

okay, updates..

Major changes: blog skin changed =DD

Minor changes: Going to edit the links soon.. =P

Updates (Grad Camp)

Okay, the grad camp was a two days things..

From 18-19 April..

Basically, we learnt alot of stuffs..

Cant really point out wad..

Its just something u have to be there to experience it..

Kinda fun..

Kayak first day morning..

Boating first day afternoon..

Then was dinner.. Great meal..

Cook lots and lots of stuff =DD

Then, almost sleep.. But..

LEARN PAPER WORK =_='''''

*Okay, this I gotta point out with a very serious note..

Next time, if anybody is planning any camps right,

please use your brain and think..

WHO THE HELL WOULD LEARN ANYTHING IN HALF AWAKE STATE?

I dont care if u are some military, or business company..

Better don let me encounter the same shit again..

Like the whole camp,

this is the only thing i totally forget...

LOL.. No offense, but next tym better don put anything at night,

if we are to learn something..

Nothing will get in..*

okay, after that, we went to sleep..

Sleep in a hammock, on the ground..

Fun.. haha.. use it as a sleeping bag..lol..

Second day morning, wake up, breakfast..

Soup + French Toast..

After that is the afternoon thing..

Walking all the way, carrying an egg..

Walked from PM, to keng ridge park, to hortpark, across alexandra arch to telok blangah hill park, across henderson wave, to mt. faber and finally to harbour front..

Wait.. finally? of course not..

Then we had lunch there before we move on...

This time from harbout front all the way to china town and eventually, fort canning park.

Cool experience..

After that, hang around down, and did some lame stuf..

Like trust fall.. Which fel wasted alot of time on. =_=''

But she did it eventually, cheers!!

Anyway, we took bus back to sp.

Had a debrief at the morberly stage,

talked about lots of stuff..

Althought why kei and CS went home..

Then we received our present from jia yao..

Cool.. A ultra cool jack knife.. Love it..

Then, we talk cock a while.. Went home and kun..

Updates (20th april)

First day school.. Wont be saying much.. school sucks..

LOL.. anyway, great to see my classmates again..

Talk cock sing song relax as usual..

But decide that this sem I will be chionging..

So lets see how long I will last..Oh well..

Also had a meeting for FO.. lets hope it turns out well..

Updates (21st april)

School, and then work.. Tired but cant complain..

My tagline nowadays..

Poor people cant complain..

Just told my manager to stick me to fixed schedule..

Tue, Thurs, Fri... Oh well.. Lets hope I survive..

Updates (22nd april)

School and then training.. With jia yao..

Had a meeting before that.. But slept and played through..

LOL.. Quite boring..

Training was tough as usual..

Or should I say I out of form..

Ah, wad ever..

Will need more training to get stronger..

Updates (23rd april)

Borrowed $50 from supervisor..

Need cash.. Bo Bian..

Anyway, had school then went work to get the moeny..

Will return her after 28th..Pay day=D

Updates (24th april)

School.. Late a bit.. Stupid lrt jam..

Anyway, went to far east shopping center,

sold my black psp to yon xiang, got a red one..

LOL.. don care la.. poor people also have rights to enjoy.. =DD

Updates (25th april)

Went school to do hand over run through..

End up went beach road buy stuff..

Do alot of crap stuff on the car..

Then went pm collect stuff..

Go back school drop stuff. take backs, go pm again..

Kayak abit.. Did five laps then teach around a bit..

then YUTAI.. drop kayak on his nails..

And it drop off literally..

they say alot of blood, I didnt saw much though..

Jus glad that he is okay..

Updates(26th april)

Went to QSN.. Discuss june activity..

Hope it will be a success =DD

Went home actually must do proposal, but i slept..

Wake up had dinner then play games..

Then sleep.. Opps..

Will do it soon.. haha..

Anyway, i need time to rest.. Been hertic week..

Updates(27th april)

Went school and crapped..

Then went clubhouse finish banner.. Discuss some stuff.. =D

Come home dinner, watch tv a bit..

Did some self training..

Rest.. Chatting and typing till now..

Haha.. End of my long update..

Cheers!!

2009-04-20T00:35:00.003+08:00

Yo, back from Grad Camp,
feeling kinda happy..
enjoyed my last two days of holidays,
doing stuffs that i like..
Well, kinda cool..
But tired now..
Update again soon..
Nitez all..

2009-04-18T01:26:00.003+08:00

Wah kao.. no time to update again..
So i will make it short..
Thursday and Friday, got function.
Alliance Franciase 60th anniverssary..
Wine and cheese was served.
I didnt really help out much,
cept for clearing..
I stay mostly at the outlet to handle the normal operations.
Well, we went to eat at larvender after both days..
Mostly see them eat, I nothing much to eat.

Tomorrow, going camp..
GC - Graduation Camp..
Hope I have fun..
Glup.
Post again on sunday bah..
Cheers.. Bye..

P.S. Will reply my tags next time.. So sorry..

2009-04-16T01:00:00.000+08:00

Yea, changed my music player.. Using the one my sis is using..
Hope it would be better tha imeem, althought it already got a few problems..
My button the image not there de.. Sianx..
Next time check with my jie fu, he pro.. LOL..

Anyway, changed the snapshot of my life as well.. Just clicked on it for more images,
will be uploading more soon..
And that shorty beside me is Pei Jie, not my GF.. LOL..
She is the parthner for my James Bond character.. LOL..

Thats bout it, more adjustments coming up soon..

2009-04-15T23:28:00.001+08:00

Firstly, I would like to thanks everyone for tagging me..LOL..
I will be going to you all the blog to tag back de..
So be prepared for a reply.. LOL..

Secondly, I am broke again..
Haha.. Thanks to chelsea..
Nothing to do go and score at 89 min..
Dreams crashed..
Liverpool - Chelsea
1-0
2-0
2-1
2-2
2-3
3-3
4-3
4-4...
WHY.. Why don stay at 4-3, chelsea happy, we happy.. Ass hole.
Lost twenty dollars.. Urgh.. Sianded..

Thirdly, my luck changing, woots.. Gotta be prepared..
Suayness starting again..
Keep dropping stuff.. Toppling over stuff..
Morning doing banner, spill paint..
Afternoon work, keep dropping untensils..
Night reach home, drop a bowl..
MUHAHAHA.. ULTIMATE SUAYNESS..

Siao liao.. okay go find a way to host music..
And tag ppl back.. cheers..

2009-04-15T00:21:00.002+08:00

Here to post again..

Nothing much as usual.. Tsk.. Boring life eh..
Had regular training last sat with spa peeps,
only me, yutai, lard, chow present..
Did some laps, did some roll, visited the mangrove swamp.
After that had a late lunch, considered as early dinner..
Then went soccer..
Soccer finish eat and talk cock, see chio bu.. lol..

Sunday, went bxb as usual.. Did the same boring usual stuff..
Went ben house with the first aid kit..
Then went home and realise I need it on the same day..
But its okay, I built another with the clubhouse materials.. LOL..
Sunday played some dota.. Then sleep..

Monday, wake up slack..
See my bro play game, eat lunch then go school.
Discuss banner and shirt then play badminton..
Go home had dinner outside..
Slept with the comp on.. And told my dad I was dling some stuf.. LOL..

Tue, thought that I work at 12..
Left house at 10.50, reached work place at 11.50.
SURPRISED!!! TADA!!
I mixed up my schedule with wed one.. HOHO..
HO lan jiao.. Spent 9 hours at workplace only get 4 hours pay.. Sianx..
Actually start working at 5.. Sianned..
But halfway got go buy lunch at lucky plaza.
Now rushing banner design.. Tml need le..

Period.. Cheers.. Update again soon.. Cheers..

2009-04-10T01:15:00.002+08:00

Well, I didnt update again..
Guess it has become a habit to update once every few weeks..

So, since the video, what has happen?
Work as usual.
Had a funtion which requires us to move out half of our tables and close down our normal operations. First time for me.
But the crowds were still the same bastard group, or should I say same type.
They come to a formal function, and instead on enjoying the art, they came to enjoy the free food.
What the fuck is wrong with these people.
If you want dinner, why dont you just fucking go buy one somewhere else..
Keep eating up the food meant for everyone.. Cheap stake..
I guess I just have to get use to these lamers..
Other than that, we have a new staff called hong koon. ( -> hong kong -> kong guan) lol..
Thats her nickname for now..

Okay, other than work, outing with 6C people..
Whats 6C people? Well, its a special group of people in my primary school.
My ex classmates from South View..
Well, though it was only a handful of us, 11 I think.
I'm quite glad.. Cant expect much since we've been apart for 4 years.
Thought some of us went to the same school in secondary..
But the class have not been gathered as a whole..
Guess it would be quite impossible..
Everyone is busy nowaday.. I'm quite happy with 11..
Well, we had lunch and movie.. Then some of us left..
Went back to cck and had dinnner, and tc session all the way till 10 i think..
LOL. The movie was okay, so was the meal..
The most important thing was that we got to meet up.. Cheers.
Hope to see ya peeps soon again.. This time with JC people as well.. I hope..

Other than that, some problems occured between me and the spa peeps..
Guess its just mine.. But i think its resolved now.. Hopefully..
My part I've done what I could.. But they dont seems to get it..
What I really want from someone on the same team..
Alas, I dont think give a damm anymore..
Too lazy.. Been staying this way for quite some time.. don really borther myself now..

Other than that? nothing much worth mentioning.. update again soon..

2009-04-02T01:59:00.002+08:00

2009-04-02T01:41:00.003+08:00

tsk.. long update in a long run.. think i can only keep things this way bah..
been quite busy, and i don have much ppl reading.. lol..

anyway, lets start with berkelah..
jus came back last sunday evening from our waterfall expedition.
participant rate was low but thats okay..
food was accetable.. equip was well supplied..
rain wasnt heavy and long..
trekking up and down wasnt as difficult as it was last time..
overall, i think this trip was a success..
the most important thing was, we leart alot from this trip..
for food wise, i believe that yao sheng is doing some research.
i will be doing my as well.. for shelter food and recree as well..
from now on, we will make each trip more interesting than the former..
well, thats what we will try to do.. =D

points of interest
-scout team (lard, shini, whykei, me) was tried out for the first time
-vegetable was cooked
-attempted water jumping
-drank water off the rocks.. lol..
-attempted rock climbing by the river
-shitted in the ourdoors
-started my first campfire in berkelah
-learned how to cook noodles in a better way (courtsy of petricia* [sux at spelling])
-make use of wire gauze to form a cooking platform
-burst another butane gas head
-SKINNY DIPPING in the middle of the night

that should be all for now.. haha..

after that, monday went school to wash equip..
same old routine.. boring and lame..
got it done, and then i went slacking in clubhse..
the rest of them went to play basket balll with nich..

tuesday, spend all my time rushing the video for saa..
boring shit.. but the end product was okay..
i hope.. haha..
the video was supposed to attract ppl to join us..
i hope it serves its purpose bah..
spend so much time and effort, don wan see it go to waste..

wednesday, spend more time doing the video until completition.
went running.. ten rounds outermost of the track..
twenty odd min? hmmm.. damm slow sia..
need more training le..
then play badminton..

all three days got work.. so sianx..
okay i know i type alot.. tsk.. i think i better go sleep le.. nitez all..

2009-03-19T01:42:00.002+08:00

been lazy..not wanting to post even when i have the time..
well, its not like i'm expecting a ton of readers..
but its just seems that there arent no readers..
oh well, lets just hope that it wont deter me from posting..
after all, i'm doing this to record my memory.. not really for the readers..

well, just came back from sike-sisters island..
not bad, quite fun..
kayak for one day, on boat for the second day..
although i did sup someone for a while on the second day..
had bbq over at sisters island..
cant say its the best bbq ever, but i've had worst..
since i'm the one with diet difference, i'll just have to live with it..
cant argue and demand much, this much i know..
food for the trip was ill prepared for us...
well, cant really blame my friend, ppl make mistake..
morever its his first time being a food ic..
good try, keep it up. =D
overall, cant say i didnt enjoy, cant say i wasnt tired..
but i do hope future trips will be more successful..

other than that, had two soccer session on monday and wednesday..
fri going sentosa.. sat most prob another soccer bah..
then still organizing with qian ting and jie lin for a meal..
don know when jie lin is free.. seems so busy nowadays..
oh well..jus hoping we can still meet up =D

crap.. go to sleep le bah.. nitez..

2009-03-10T23:02:00.001+08:00

YO. BORED TO DEATH..
WORK, WORK, WORK....
But cant complain..
Poor people cant complain..
Need money to do stuffs I like..
To buy stuffs I wan..
Oh well.. Crap..
Tired like shit, spliting headache like earthquake..
Just gonna get use to it..
LOL..

2009-03-04T02:05:00.002+08:00

YO YO YO!!!!
Chalet is so fun.. Haha.. And thats where I'm now.. LOL..
Its 2am, and I'm online with my lappy and my fren portable network..
COOL!!
Wanted to play some games but I'm afraid I will keep DC..
So, I decided to come and blog..
LOL... Now listening to my blog songs..
Just got disturbed by the felicia, who was going to sleep..
She dont like the songs I am playing.. LOL..
Ok, change song.. LOL..
Behind me, two tables of people..
One table playing risk, damm noisy..
Second table, play majong, damm noisy too..
LOL..
I'm also noisy, blasting music..
COOL..2AM, bunch of noisy people..
Thats life.. LOL...
Ok, I think I go find some other stuff to do le..
BORED!!!

2009-02-23T22:26:00.003+08:00

Totally no mood now.. Although tml is my last paper..
But all that i call feel now, is like my ass just got swipe..
But sand paper that is...
Like its something that is impossibly bad,
by it still happends to you..
Understand that feeling now?

LoL.. Thats all i'm feeling now..
Cant blame god.. Cant blame anybody..
Its just me.. Since its already decided by birth..
I'll be fucking unlucky..
But I will grow up to heck care everything..
So that the unluckiness wont affect me much..
This much I realise..
I don put in effort, because I hate disappointment..
I don put in hope, because it doesnt bring joy..
I don believe, because it wont happen..
I don care, becuase its not it will matters..

So what happened?
I dont wanna talk bout it..
If not, people will say that I'm making a big fuss over a small things..
Well, if u make a big fuss over a small thing that happens once,
i'll shoot u too..
But no if u're making a fuss over small things that keep happening since birth,
I don think others got anything to say..
Oh well, like I care.. gotta go..
Study..
So au revior. cheers..

2009-02-20T10:15:00.002+08:00

Phew, just came back from my late morning run.
Damm hot, but i still managed to complete my run..
Ran the usual route.. Ran around the whole of the deserted keat hong camp..
But I don think I can stick to this route much longer..
The air there is severly polluted.. Too much construction going on..
Road works in several places, and the on going construction of ITE..
Oh well, until I find a better route that I prefer, I will still stick to this bah..

Cooling down now, so got time to on com..
Logged into msn, then garena and the checked my email..
Then come here to blog a bit, talk cock.. LOL..
Hoping to have a lunch date later with SQ and that PJC gang..
Long time never see them le.. Haha..
Then afterwards have to go down to wisma to collect my phone..
Took them long enough to repair it..
But at least I'm finally getting it back le.. YES!!
Oh well, after wisma I guess its work bah..
Cant go soccer tonight.. Sianx..

Ok, I think I should go take a bath le..
Stinks like hell..

Oh ya, btw, Link sq if u know him .. Shao Quan, PJC, CCKSS, SVPS.. LOL..
Cheers..

2009-02-19T12:19:00.002+08:00

Ok, things I've done.

1.I have changed two links..
One, SQ blog has been changed and I've relink him.
Two, SPA has set up a new blog, and I did help a bit..
Hope Everyone can give us ya support by visiting the SPA blog regulary.
We will play our part by updating it oftenly=D

2.Went out with JJ Daryl and Justin.
Cuz daryl wanna get Bball and Soccer Boots..
Then end up the rest of us bought three more soccer balls.
One HardGround ball for tryout with the team.
An additional two more ball for me and jj each..
Just buy put at home for personal use..
LoL.
Both costs tweny dollars.. Hard Ground cost twwenty five..
JJ's ball and Hardground ball is size mine..
I bought a smaller one, size four..
LOL.. Just wanna try out different ball size.. see the diff..
Oh well..

3.Slack.. MIP later.. Materials in Practice..
Totally didnt study..
Give up hope on this paper le..
Can past or not don really care..
Just hope that I dont forward module can le..
If forward, I think I wil kill myself..
Oh well, pray hard..