Hmmm..I can say I feel gulity,but that isnt gonna change a fact..
I am guilty,because there are actually so many people around me,
that show me care and concern,
that dont wan to see me being reduced to such a state,
that believe in me,hoping that I could change for the better,
yet knowing this way before they told me,I am still like this..
I feel apologetic to them,and I really have to say sorry,
sorry that I am not the guy you all know,
sorry that I will not change for the better,
sorry for being such a stubborn bull,
sorry for the misplaced care and concern,
sorry for the time and effort,
sorry for giving up so long ago yet I didnt told anyone,
sorry for giving up on this world..

I have changed..From a childish brat,to someone who see the wrold,from one specific persepective that not many can understand..
A persepective that is clouded by saddness,cruelty,and darkness..
A persepective based on the human heart..
And from the point on,I wont change..Not in the short run..
I will remain as I am..Because I want to constantly remind myself..
That this world is not to be..That one day we will have to return somewhere..
That not many around me can return..
That I have to someone let others know what they are doing..
That I have failed..

When people change because of surrounding,because of something that happen,they can overcome it..With the help of friends..
But when a person changed because he want to..Forget it..You cant help him..
I am that kinda person..

I dont to stay positive,because I know what is going to happen in the end..To be able to surpass and kinda of emotion breakdown,I must let go off eveything..And to do that,the best way is to be negative,becase only that will ya heart be numbed..Thats the kinda state I am in,a state where a person can laugh when he get scolded,can shout when some is polite to him,can think of killing small animals even when he is a vegetarian..I may have sinned,but I will repay them back..