15th - 19th April twenty-ten

Hola everyone! Been coming on quite oftenly recently..

Well, just 'short' updates here and there actually..

Lol.. Always say its a short update, but always ended up typing essay..

Lets just say I'm doing my best to log down every single details that I can remember =D

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With the previous post, we ended with a huge confession..

Before the HUGE test..

Which was bullshit.. One word...

Seriously bullshit.. Two word..

Thats all I can think of to describe that final term test..

I didn't really study for it, but come to think about it,

I'm so damm glad I didn't cause it will be a total waste of time..

And brain juice..

I won't really call it an idiot-could-get-100 paper,

but I just didn't felt it was as though as those we did in school..

Hmmm, but anyway, lets just hope I do well enough, not to repeat..

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Following the final term test, was a whole day of:

slacking and spending/wasting money..

Awesome, but well, I did ended up with a big hole in the pocket..

Played about 4-5 hours lan and spend around 7 dollars?

Then had a not-so-amazingly-fulfilling dinner at Sakae..

Had around 20 over plates of FOOD?

I can't even remember what went into me,

just know they are vege friendly..

Had a bowl of miso soup, alot of fried tofus, a plate of beans,

and alot of egg sushi.. my first ever hand roll.. some weird seaweed..

Overall, although I was so full I felt like dying,

it was still as enjoyable as always..

Sakae is always one of the few places I could destress fully by eating like hungry ghost..

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Next up, is that hectic weekend..

First up, woke up early in the morning on sat,

went down to redhill-tian hui to have a meeting..

Then I went home and started doing my research..

For the bxb activity the following day...

Aroud 9pm, went out to meet the spa peeps..

Went down to Changi to fetch YuTai who was coming back from China..

Idiot guy, bought a airgun and was detained..

Ended up we waited for him and missed the last train..

LOL!! But thats okay.. At least it was fun! Lol..

Next sun morning, left changi on bus and went home..

No sleep at all, bath, finalize my material and then left for bxb..

Okay, kinda fucked up.. One person to tutor 6 kids?

And they don't listen.. LOL.. End up I play around with them..

Wanted to ask for help but yea, my sis also 4-5 person with her..

Yea, so it was like 10 over kids, with 2 tutors.. Shag..

Well, then it was the time for the activity I prepared..

Was kinda lame, and I was losing them one by one..

But it the end, I think I did rather well.. Hoho..

At least something real since a while..

Okay, after bxb, went home sleep..

Wake watch and dl vid, eat dinner, use comp, sleep...

-over-

Woohoo. One day before skol reopen and still playing till so mad!!

Then we have skol, -boring-

Wake up early, train jam..

Lecture starts on first lesson..

Tutorial immediately.. Wow.. shag shag.. LOL.

Hmm, but anyway, it ended early and well..

At least gave me some time to go home and sleep..

OKAY, I NEEDA SLEEP NOW! NITEZ!!

the-once-in-a-while blogger MxFate, signing off..

5th April - 15th April twenty-ten..

Hoho, rather quick update from the once-in-a-while blogger..

Just a span of 10 days this time round,

so don't be expecting much of an updates..

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First up, as everyone can see from the calender, tomorrow is the sixteenth..

Its the day we have the final term test for cptc, and its also the last day..

Fast hurr? One and a half month of holidays.. Felt like it was over in an instant..

Well, here goes my little confession, of my true feelings for this period of time..

As mentioned in the previous post, the whole damm thing felt like a whore to start with..

Almost everyone was complaining big time about it.. Including me of course..

But well, after twenty five days.. I realized I felt different..

In this short amount of time.. I might have sacrificed alot of time..
And I might have lost something important in my life.. But..

In the process.. I have gain many valuables friends..

Here.. I would like to disclose everything that makes me wanna say, valuable friends..

For me.. The three class in SP that we started out with, wasn't close in the beginning..

I won't deny, I won't hide it.. Right from the start, I felt like we start out all not seeing eye to eye.. And everyone from the other side seems to hate something about us..

Just look at the Irony.. We might be in different class, but we've been attending lesson together since day one.. Yet we rarely talked.. or even looked at each other..

But all of this.. Changed during CPTC.. Every little bit of it..

This unknown hatred which were built up from no where, just disappeared..

The ice barrier was broken, and in the ends, I would dare call ourselves friends..

From talking about them behind their back in the year one.. to maybe exchanging a few basic phrase in year two.. and to cracking jokes together in CPTC. It has been a long journey..

And for all that misunderstanding in the past.. and those bad happenings..

I would like to apologize.. Everyone makes mistake.. But not everyone dare to face them..

And for the new friends that I've made, I would say thank you..

For such a screw up like me, you peeps have made my day..

Without any one of you peeps, "OH PLEASE! EXCLUDING JOSHUA!" this CPTC journey would have been so different.. Thank You all.. = D

Next up, I would be talking about another special person, since we're at thank you's'..

This person, went through the same twenty five day with us..

And he was always the outstanding one.. Different..

He never turned up for classes late, and always do stuff to surprise us..

Without him, definitely, this training period would have been so different for everyone.

One could almost say, he is the essence of our class..

And before u all start thinking about Joshua, I would like to clarify that I'm actually talking about the one and only trainer that we have, Mr Tay.. Eng Wah.. hehe.. = D

He has been a great trainer, always making sure we understand everything..

He always seems to be so patient with us.. Never flaring up or anything..

And honestly, I would say we learn most of what we could learn from CPTC, from him..

Haha.. Enough flattery.. Lets just end this nicely with, this:

Mr Tay, you've been a great teacher in my life, Thank You!

Next up, I would like to thanks the two girls, Ly and Sm..

The two girls which I would never talk to.. Till the end of the CPTC..

By becoming the spice for me life, for this short period of time, CPTC became a lil more fun..

Here, I would like to confess again..

For me, I wont deny developing a little feelings for the girls..

If not, I won't even have spent my 25 days, grabbing every opportunity to look at them..

To exchange a feel shy glance with them..

But in the end.. This will all have to end as a dream..

I would like to clarify again..

Its impossible between them and me.. Either one of them..

I don't even have to make a choice between the two.. They both can't be chosen..

Its been so long, since I've learned to numb my heart..

So that I'll only fall in love with the right girl.. Minimizing my chance of hurting/getting hurt..

Some might think those criteria I set up, are bull shit.. They will say when one fall in love, its regardless of anything.. Well, I would say those are words coming out of immature lovers.. Coming out from people who've never faced sure a huge gap in a relationship.. For me to set up those criteria, was not of choice.. I was forced into making such a huge, wall?

I have to act like that bastard I call myself.. Because of my own background and my past mistake.. I might not be attractive to start with, but I've to make sure girls wont go head over heels for me.. Cause in the end, they have to realize, I'm difficult to love..

-period-

Well, till the end.. This has been a one hell of a bull shit.. And I don't think anyone will read much of everything.. But in the end, as I've always said.. This is a blog for myself.. A journal.. Lest my memories fails me.. The thing that keeps me from going insane.. My other personality.. The thing that helps me maintain my outer shell.. My cloak.. I need it.. Because here I can say alot more which I don't usually do.. I have to do it.. So that people will know, that I'm eventually, still someone who need love.. Who is suffering every second being alone.. But I know all this suffering will pay of.. Because this is the path.. I've to take..

Once again.. This is the once-in-a-while blogger, MxFate signing off.. Pardon my lengthly post..

March 9 - April 5

Almost 1 month.. Yet again.. The once-in-a-while blogger, MxFate, came online..
So much had happened.. That I don't even know where to begin..

. . .
In this 1 long month.. I've gained alot..
But I wouldn't deny that I've lost alot too.

To the girl I said I would wait:
I do care.. I do think about you.. But I don't know if you do.. I know its all too late now.. For me that is.. And I want you to go, and fly unrestrained.. You've helped alot, for me to step a little out of this hellhole.. And now I'm finally moving on.. But I know I don't deserve you.. So I want you to love the guy that you love now.. Unrestrained by me.. Unwaivering.. I don't want you or me to regret, but I have to let you know.. With this message which I don't know if you will read or not.. That I will not be waiting anymore.. Not because my feelings have you have dulled.. But for the fact that I know we are not meant to be together.. This 5 years dream that I've carried with me.. Since I first met you.. Its time for me to end it.. Till the end.. You were never meant to be mine.. Time and again, our fate resulted in us brushing past each other.. But it will be time and again no more.. Because I know I've to move on.. I need to.. And I need to say I'm sorry too..
Lastly.. I would hope that you could still be my little sister.. And call me kor like you used to.. I might have lost a chance to be the man of your dreams, but I definitely don't wanna lose the duty of being your support which I've been all this years.. Maybe I wasn't there every single time.. But those times that I were, I honestly cared.. Just let us remains as who and what we are..
To JieLin, my little sister..

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Okay.. I can't keep adding stuff to that long message.. Still got stuff I needa update as well.. Lest my memories fails me..

First up is ITP-Attachment-CPTC..
It started right after the exams.. Which is officially our holidays.. But well, nothing to complain about.. Everyone goes through the same process..
Initially, we all thought its gonna be shitty.. No pay, long hours of more lecture, tutorials and practicals, exams, expensive transport, inaccessible place, etc etc.. Well, everyone started full of complains.. But now.. after 4 weeks, till the start of shift work, I would say most of us would have more of less gotten used to the environment..
The same routine everyday.. Wake up, have a late breakfast around 10.. Go to JE and take bus.. Attend lessons.. Have late lunch around 4.. Continue lesson.. Go home around 8.. Have late dinner around 9.. Turn on computer, play games, surf the net.. Sleep.. Wake up etc etc.. Mundane.. Yet necessary.. It all became a part of my system..
And then we have the 12 hours of shift training.. Went through the first one just this sat.. And I'm proud to say I've survived.. 2 more to go.. And mid-night shift too.. 8pm - 8am.. Hola.. Lets hope everything goes well for me..

Next up is religion stuff update..

Previously, I think I mentioned, but just in case I forget, I would like to say again that I took up the role of Jian Qing.. Oh, for those who don't understand, don borther.. Just skip if you like..

As a Jian Qing, I have more responsibilities.. And I have to join in the planning for a camp.. And for me, I chose "A" camp.. Well, went through 3 meetings, and we've already quite a clear direction.. Now to finalize it and then, we are off to start planning for activities.. Well, I would say its tiring for me to be in the planning coms.. But I wont deny that I've learned alot in the process.. Though it has only been three meetings.. I would try my best to continue.. and learn as much as in can.. For all I know.. This is supposed to be the path I should be taking.. Not anything else..

As for bxb, we've some new members.. And I can say I'm really bonding well with those kids there.. Well.. I thought I hated kids.. But somehow, recently, I came to a realization that kids are attracted to me.. Also, I never thought I would be good enough to be someone, somebody will look up to.. But then when I saw those kids looking up to me.. I realized, you don't FEEL that you are someone that people looked up to.. You just BECOME that someone.. Like Qin Hua, the very person who I looked up to when I was a kid.. I had become someone that some other kids look up to.. Same as usual.. I don't know if I would be a good role model.. But I know I will definitely try.. Love you peeps..

Then I'll be talking about my cca..

As mentioned, I've become the president.. And we did held our first mc meeting at pm.. Though not everyone turned up.. But at least, we kick started the planning for the year.. CCA drive and freshmen orientation camps.. training camps and etc.. Very general stuff.. Then.. I went on hiatus, due to itp.. Tried my best to supervise a little here and there but well, I think I'm still not doing as good as I wanted to.. So sorry people.. I'm sure to devote more of my time when school reopens.. I hope.. Next up, is this sat event.. 10 April.. Abseiling for a Youth Group.. Lets hope everything goes well.. Hola..

Then, to mates at shadows.. I would like to apologize.. I'm guilty.. And I don't want to come up with lame excuse for myself.. But I would try to make it for more soccer session if time allows me to.. I'm sorry..

Oh yeah, additional stuff..

Treated Nj to a big meal.. spend 60 dollars?

Should be taking 3 star kayaking assessment soon?

Should be taking ppcdl practical test soon?

Should be buying a new specs to replaced this damaged one soon?

Still addicted to SNSD.. Bought 2 new albums and received 2 poster..

Received a new bed and wardrobe from mum.. Thanks mom.. Love you..

Did pretty well for first 2 itp test..

Ahhh.. I think I've sorta came to the end.. I think there is still alot of stuff I wanna say.. But, well.. A human have its limitations.. So I think I would end it here.. Hmmm.. If there is anything I missed, shall add it in again..

Till next time, cheers everybody.. The once-in-a-while blogger, MxFate, signing off..