Here to update again.. Havent been hardworking lately..

But oh well, you know.. Packed schedule..

Finished our FO last week end.. So how did it went?

Basically, I think it went quite well on the overall..

What we actually learnt from this camp was how to work with each other..

I'm actually quite happy about it..

Just one thing to apologize about, and thats the food..

Maybe a bit screwed up.. But I tried my best..

I guess you can really say,

if you fail to plan, you plan to fail...

Alas, I cant turn back the wheel of time..

So I think I can only hope that I do better then next tym around..

Okay, after the FO is basically just a week of slacking..

Its still school, but I've officially entered pre-holiday mood..

Totally not absorbing any information..

Then kena kao bei by Wei Loon..

FLEMS report still not out yet.. lol.. 

Bo bian..Not cut out for study..

Wednesday had abseiling course..

Half of us went for the assessment.. And practically,

almost everyone failed the level 2..

I think we're just ill prepared..

Thats the reason why I didnt even bother taking the assessment..

Because I know, we dont have enuff experience..

But overall, I felt that we learned more stuff.. 

So, its still worth it.. 

Thursday had kayaking as usual.. Practiced roll, and tried handroll..

Total failure, lets hope I absorbed it and try it out again next week..

Also tried hanging draw.. Almost get the hang of it le.. 

Great.. Short practice session, but productive.. Cool..

Friday, first lesson with some other SPA ppl.. 

Attending the PPCDL course together.. 

Other than me there was: YT, YS, NJ, YK, KSN, vernon and fel. 

First lesson was great, at least I didnt fall asleep..

Went thought alot of dry theory stuffs.. 

Lets hope I can past the whole test I one shot ba..

If not someone gonna kp me liao.. LOL.. 

Anyway, we went supper after that.. 

This part gotta apologize.. I dont know if others felt it but I was a little pissed off then..

Cuz it was late, and some of us kinda rushing for time.. 

So the least I could hope for was to walk a little faster, 

chop chop have supper and then we can all home sweet home..

But I guess only I felt the need to move fast bah..

The rest were still wasting their time, slowly walking..

I dont know why.. maybe its just me..

Being kinda edgey now a days yet again..

Pissing off for small stuff, getting angry at nothing..

refer to reflection for more.

Sat, did clinic and sports elective..

Nearly shitted in my pants just now.. 

When why kei teaching two girls how to do t-x rescue..

Nearly got them killed.. omg sia.. 

But heng heng everytihng turned out fine.. Phew..

Other than this incident, I think everything else turns out fine..

And so we bath, and then we went out for Ice cream..

Jiayao, yutai, jun feng and wenyi went to get lunch for us..

So we actually had our lunch while the mc meeting was on-going..

Discuss alot of MC and got more and more demoralized..

Just realised that everything about this world is money..

Without money you cant do a shit..

But money is hard to come by..

The poor will always be poor, 

the rich will always be rich..

I dont get it.. 

But I guess I will be missing out on lots of trips and expedition..

Fucking demoralized..

After MC meeting, we left PM and I went cck to meet my fren for soccer..

Was late, but at least I finally make time.. Havent been there for weeks le.. 

Realised that my skills detoriate alot.. 

Not to say I had a lot of skills to start out with..

But anyway, today was different..

Because we actually played at the field, with adults..

Fast moving and skilled, experience and quick,

you could say we were outmatched, outplayed and outlasted..

But it was fun playing with them as we learn alot of stuff..

Hope we could play with them again some time.. Cheers..

Now is personal reflection.. 

Maybe its just me being over stressed, by the matters of the heart..

I just dont know.. Maybe its just me..

But somehow, I need someone to pull me off the path I'm walking down..

The path which is both lonely and hard to walk on..

But somehow, it is the only path that defys neither my heart, nor my logic..

Why is it so hard everytime for me to let of something, 

that wasnt meant to be mine.. 

Why cant my heart see logic.. 

And not bring this upon myself..

I dont know, maybe I'm just too sentimental a guy..

Too controlled by feelings..

URGH.. Cant anyone free me from this dead lock..

I'm in need of a key, to my soul..

And one more thing.. Why I have locked myself in..

Its because of the horrible things I've done..

I cant talk about it, I don want to talk about it.. 

But I know, up till now I still cant forgive myself about it..

I've sinned, I'm a sinner, and thats a absolute fact..

Nothing can change it.. Fuck..

I only wanted a simple life.. Why am I so stressed.. 

I cant move on.. Just remain being stucked.. haiz..