21 October

I feel stupid... I feel guilty..

But above all, I feel that this is a fate,

I cannot escape..

Just said something stupid again to my mom this morning..

She was telling me how my foaming pee could be linked to kidney failure..

And guess what my reply was..

Kidney failure is good.. one can die early..

Dumb..

What kinda son say that kinda shit to his mom..

What kinda son expect to die earlier than his mom..

What kinda son intends not to repay his debt to his parents..

What kinda son am I...

I know its wrong, but I just can't help but feel this way..

Nothing in this world is realistic enough for me to work towards..

No goals, no targets, no destination, no nothing..

Without all those, can I really be blame for thinking death is the only path left?

I know there are so many other roads out there..

So much stuff to do, that I don't even know about..

But does it all matters?

When you die, you die..

Nothings matter then..

Why can't I just lead a normal life with a normal goal..