A simple walk at night

Scroll down for what I almost wanted to post, until my dad send me on a simple errand to deliver some fruits to our friends, living next block. I left the house with a heavy heart.. But I returned, with a smile.. Because I saw that I gave someone else a smile.. Just by me bringing some fruits over.. Some how, it gave me the energy and assurance to know that I can go on..

Initially, I though it was hassle.. I had so much work to complete.. In so little time left..

I have so much to think about.. Yet so little that I could do..

Everything good that happen at the start of this year, seems to turn bad within days..

I know not how to react.. And I sink back to the part of me, that only seems to rely on myself.. that seems to constantly remind myself to stay strong.. that seems to keep telling myself I can go on.. that seems to keep telling myself that I shouldn't be sad, because there are sadder people out there, because my situation isn't worth being sad for..

But a part of me, keep screaming out.. Why? Why can't you be sad? Why can't you tell the world you are sad? Why must you force yourself to think that everything happens for a reason and that you should move on with life even if something bad happen, just because you know its not something you can change.. Why must you force yourself to think maturely? And take in all the unlucky things that happen to you as part and parcel of life?

And then I always answer myself at this point.. Because, it is part and parcel of life.. And then I sink back.. Fully aware that there's nothing I could do, to change fate.. Fully aware that even if I whined and complained, nothing's going to change.. Because I know fully, that the world continues moving, even if I don't..

I thought that one day, I'm just going to stop.. And just let the world continue moving on.. For all I care.. But then I see that smile.. And then I realize, I just need to smile too.. I just need someone to tell me that its okay, if you're tired, I'll share a little energy with you, and lets carry on in this race call life.. And then I gain strength.. What I'm thinking about now, can wait.. What I should forget now, should go.. What I need to focus on now, should be done..

Life is a pain in the ass, I know.. Then sit on a cushion then..

I hope that makes someone smile, and carry on with their life=D Cheers..

Almost became my post:

"for how long more.. can I tell myself, can I ask myself, can I force myself..

to stay strong..

I know not..

With so much happening, in such a short time..

My emotions don't even have time to react."

I guess I haven't really explain why I'm so emo.. Well, for one, my officer, who just told me days ago that the school is offering me an opportunity to go Outward Bound Taiwan, just told me a few days later that the director cancelled it.. Well.. I guess wont feel so sad.. If I didn't have it in the first place.. I guess this is the kind of feeling I'm feeling now.. Everything seems to be like that for me.. Am I not cherishing what I have now? so much so that god needa let me experience such a feeling to remind me? I guess I'm thinking too much.. Maybe I'm just too preoccupied with work.. FYP.. Almost at the end of this lap of the race.. I guess I will just keep going..

p.s sorry for the disorganized thoughts.. there's some stuff I stuff I wanna say, but I cant directly convey.. I dont wanna risk anything.. but I don't wanna keep quite all the way too.. This seems to be my only source of venting out my thoughts.. so ya, its okay if you dont understand.. this is me afterall..

p.p.s This is MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off.. cheers everyone..