Just in case I forget

THANKS EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! JUST IN CASE I MISSED IT OR SOMETHING.. I JUST WANNA SAY i'M GRATEFUL AND THANKFUL! =D

I post this on twitter as well.. Just in case I accidentally missed out any names, I wanna let you know it wasnt intentional, and that I'm really still grateful and thankful..

Had a great day today, finished my fyp presentation smoothly,
and had a great shopping time and dinner at sakae with polyfriends..
They didnt bought me a gift so they ended up paying for a cake and the meal..
Honestly, for this year,
receiving a present or not doesnt really matters..
I only have one wish..
And its not something they can grant me..
But at least, by spending time with me,
they keep me occupied and away from thinking too much..

Thanks to you guys once again..

In the end..

My wish would be denied.. This feeling of emptiness.. When is it going to be filled up..

I wish

that she would be there on sat..

but I'm hoping she won't get to read this.. because it might just make her more stress..

I'm not gonna ask her too.. I'm just gonna leave it to fate..

But I'm not gonna stop wishing, that she would be there on sat..
Thats the only wish I have for this year January 28th..

Had a busy, busy week, rushing for my fyp report and presentation slides..
But in the end, there's just some stuff I can't stop thinking about..

Am I always such a deep thinker.. And can I only remain as a dreamer?
After all, nothing's changed for me..

Anyway, presentation is gonna start in less than 24 hours time..
Yet my slides doesn't seems to be ready yet..
But rest assured, I'll get it done, and deliver my best speech tomorrow..

Well, other than fyp presentation, and sat, there aren't much to look forward to..
Oh, maybe dinner with my poly friends tomorrow?
Hmmm.. At least I wont be spending it alone..

This is MxFate, once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off for the first time at age 20..

Determination, Commitment..

I'm not looking back again..

And I have decided that if I want to achieve something,
I have to change my mindset first..
I won't worry so much anymore,
and I'll put more of my thoughts in to action..

Gradation is a month away,
I'm going complete it,
and with it I'll aim for my best poly results ever..
So that I would have a greater change of going UNI..

Love came and pass by my door step,
but I'm gonna let it leave just like that..
I know you are unsure of yourself,
You might think its just a crush..
But for me, its definitely not..

We will remain as friends for now,
And I'm going to continue working hard in life..
So that one day, I can prove my worth to you,
and with it my love..

This is my determination.. I hope you wont feel stressed out by it..
I'm still waiting to see you get you second class honors!!

A goal to work towards..

A simple walk at night

Scroll down for what I almost wanted to post, until my dad send me on a simple errand to deliver some fruits to our friends, living next block. I left the house with a heavy heart.. But I returned, with a smile.. Because I saw that I gave someone else a smile.. Just by me bringing some fruits over.. Some how, it gave me the energy and assurance to know that I can go on..

Initially, I though it was hassle.. I had so much work to complete.. In so little time left..

I have so much to think about.. Yet so little that I could do..

Everything good that happen at the start of this year, seems to turn bad within days..

I know not how to react.. And I sink back to the part of me, that only seems to rely on myself.. that seems to constantly remind myself to stay strong.. that seems to keep telling myself I can go on.. that seems to keep telling myself that I shouldn't be sad, because there are sadder people out there, because my situation isn't worth being sad for..

But a part of me, keep screaming out.. Why? Why can't you be sad? Why can't you tell the world you are sad? Why must you force yourself to think that everything happens for a reason and that you should move on with life even if something bad happen, just because you know its not something you can change.. Why must you force yourself to think maturely? And take in all the unlucky things that happen to you as part and parcel of life?

And then I always answer myself at this point.. Because, it is part and parcel of life.. And then I sink back.. Fully aware that there's nothing I could do, to change fate.. Fully aware that even if I whined and complained, nothing's going to change.. Because I know fully, that the world continues moving, even if I don't..

I thought that one day, I'm just going to stop.. And just let the world continue moving on.. For all I care.. But then I see that smile.. And then I realize, I just need to smile too.. I just need someone to tell me that its okay, if you're tired, I'll share a little energy with you, and lets carry on in this race call life.. And then I gain strength.. What I'm thinking about now, can wait.. What I should forget now, should go.. What I need to focus on now, should be done..

Life is a pain in the ass, I know.. Then sit on a cushion then..

I hope that makes someone smile, and carry on with their life=D Cheers..

Almost became my post:

"for how long more.. can I tell myself, can I ask myself, can I force myself..

to stay strong..

I know not..

With so much happening, in such a short time..

My emotions don't even have time to react."

I guess I haven't really explain why I'm so emo.. Well, for one, my officer, who just told me days ago that the school is offering me an opportunity to go Outward Bound Taiwan, just told me a few days later that the director cancelled it.. Well.. I guess wont feel so sad.. If I didn't have it in the first place.. I guess this is the kind of feeling I'm feeling now.. Everything seems to be like that for me.. Am I not cherishing what I have now? so much so that god needa let me experience such a feeling to remind me? I guess I'm thinking too much.. Maybe I'm just too preoccupied with work.. FYP.. Almost at the end of this lap of the race.. I guess I will just keep going..

p.s sorry for the disorganized thoughts.. there's some stuff I stuff I wanna say, but I cant directly convey.. I dont wanna risk anything.. but I don't wanna keep quite all the way too.. This seems to be my only source of venting out my thoughts.. so ya, its okay if you dont understand.. this is me afterall..

p.p.s This is MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off.. cheers everyone..

Its been a while..

Yea, its truly been a while.. The last time I posted was October 28th.. And the last time I checked in was 7th December.. Both in 2010.. So thats considered last year.. I didn't check in on new year day, nor on the eve, and on Christmas and its eve as well.. I guess I was just busy.. And things were just flying by me so fast.. I didn't even have time to recollect my thoughts and log them down.. Anyway, lets just start with the brief updates of my life (the most boring part)..

School: Well, nothing much to say about school now.. Same old pattern, nothing's changed.. Still rushing for work till the last minutes.. or even seconds.. FYP is gonna be due pretty soon.. First the report, then the presentation.. Honestly, I don't really care anymore.. I just wanna get it done and over with already.. Same goes for all the other assignment.. Not like working hard now at this moment is gonna improve my grades by a lot.. Tsk.. Just hope to graduate peacefully and get a move on..

SPA: Well, since I'm nearing my graduation date, of course I'm nearing the end of my term as President too.. Honestly, it hasn't really been a great year.. I feel like I could have done more but didn't. I feel like I didn't improve the club at all.. I feel like.. I didn't do my job well.. But whatever the reason, I'm grateful.. Because at the end of the 3 years, after we leave, the club will leave a stronger impression on us that we will on them.. And the lessons and experience we take away, is something we can't have it else where.. I love my time here.. And I would say its one of my best time in poly.. Cheers.. Cya peeps at GC, the last final camp for this year upgraders..

Shadows: Tsk, many things happen within us.. But I would first like to start by apologizing.. I've spent too much time playing.. so much so that work has finally caught up to me.. And as such, I haven't been able to play soccer as much as I would like to.. Well, I guess I would make it all up for it after graduation.. Nothing else in my brain now but graduation.. And then there is Daryl.. Well, I hope you take it easy man.. I know its hard.. So I won't say much.. and then there is the other one, I would rather not say it until its confirmed.. But I'm honestly, wishing from the bottom of my heart that you guys turn out well.. Like seriously.. And for Alan and WeiYing, I know not the happenings.. But I wish you guys happiness too.. Less squabble, and make more loving memories =D

I speak like I'm leaving for some where far like that.. LOL..

NS: Anyway, my enlistment letter hasn't arrived.. And as mentioned in the earlier post, I got a Gold award.. (Finally) Also, I went for the medical checkup and got a Pes A.. Well, I aint hoping for anything much.. Just wanna go in then and rough up a bit.. Just hope that my body can take it.. =D

Further education: Well, currently the plans goes: 1st, take a degree in sociology/social work/psychology.. Depending on how far I wanna stretch myself, and how far my grades could bring me.. But I'm not stopping there, after my degree, I'm going to go NIE and apply for teacher.. And then take a bond for another 6 years... Thats basically how I'm going to spend the next 10-20 years of my education life..

Future life: Well, education is only gonna make a part of it.. Because the focus, will still be on my religion.. As promised.. I set out, 1-2 years ago with this plan.. I finished the better part of the deal, and pretty soon, I'm going to have to serve the more bitter part of the deal.. But thats okay, there's nothing bitter about it.. So long as I still believe that I'm doing the right thing.. I guess I would still be able to take it.. But then again, I'm going to throw away adventure.. Its gonna be an integral part of my life.. There are still places, I would like to go.. Island hoping in a kayak, natural climbing at great places, mountain hiking and if time allows, maybe some Ice climbing too.. I don't know.. I just wanna go out, and see the world.. Singapore is just so small.. And no matter how great we are in Singapore, we're still in our own world.. Like the frog in the well.. I don't wanna live like the frog.. Anyway, the for the early part of my adulthood.. More education, work a little, provide more service at my religion side, and then adventure more!

Love: Well.. I wanna avoid this part cause even though I know my blog is not a big hit, I still know that people who knows me still come and check in once in a while.. Anyway, its not like I'm taking a big step.. Its not like there's this girl that I would love with all my life.. Although I do admit.. there's someone that I've been thinking of more oftenly.. But along with thinking about her, I think about alot more, as usual.. Honestly, I don't mind going all out to win a girl heart.. But the problem is with what comes after.. After putting in so much effort, in the end, will my effort by worth it? I once though that love would conquer all, but that foolish thought has long since vanquished.. I guess, being a vegetarian makes me special, and it takes alot to love a special person.. My thoughts are disorganized now.. I know I long for support.. For will my moment of weakness caused me yet another heartbreak and friendship? I know not.. God.. Give me the answer.. As much as I'm prepared to give up for this girl, can she at least try to live the life of a vegetarian, along side me.. Urgh.. I'm really hoping she won't get to read this.. yet..

Anyway, I'm gonna end the post here now.. Time, to grab some sleep.. Nitez world.. This is Mxfate, once again being played around by fate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off.. Cheers..

Thinking About Life..

Okay, before I move on to the title topic, lets provide a little update on my life..

First up is school.. I'm officially entering the last day, of the second week in a few minutes..

Lesson is pretty much fine up till now, should be manageable..

Its the projects that are killers.. FYP and PDPE..

Also, practicals are gonna start soon and so, reports are gonna stream in..

Well, its my last final sem, I just hope to pass without any glitch..

Thats my target..

Okay, next up is 3 star assessment on the 24th of October, 2010..

Well, its been a long journey, but its definitely not the end..

Many have thought I would reach this check point earlier,

but I'm really sorry to say, everyone just have different priorities..

Anyway, what matters most is I'm here now, and I'm definitely gonna move on..

L1 coach up next.. Gonna save up and pay 1 last time for a course..

Before money's gonna start streaming in..

After all, I've been trying to survive without income for more than half a year now..

And its really hard.. Consider I've so much expedition and courses to take..

Plus now I'm aiming to go Thailand and Austrilia. Hola!!

Okay, other than passing my 3 star assessment,

I also took my NAPFA and receive my first ever Gold Award..

I don't care what others people thing and say,

I just wanna say I'm god dammed happy because I finally got a gold award..

You don't know how much it means to someone who have never receive it..

Just because he was always short of a few cm in standing board jump..

Although this year the you could say the person cheated a little for me,

I knew jolly well I coulda jump well over 232cm.. Thats not a lie..

Anyway, I got my Gold, and my Crumpler pouch.. Thats all that matters!

Anyway, recently a close friend of mine brought me some really interesting news,

and although I would really like to say/do something to help,

I still think that letting nature takes its course would be for the best..

For those who think they know wad I'm refering to, and you think its you, and you think you might wanna talk to me to clarify anything or ask for advice or just to talk or anything, you know I'm always on.. Hoho.. Hope I got this hidden message across.. And hope its not too direct..

Anyway, all the best.. You have my support..

Okay, with updates done, lets move on to my own life.. This has really become a long post..

Basically, I've been thinking much about what I wanna do..

Maybe I shoulda done it earlier, but as I've said, we all have our own priorities..

I chose not to plan early ahead because I rather use that time to play then..

Those past 19 years werent live in vain because I know,

I've definitely played to my fullest.. That was my priorities..

For now, I need a plan for ny future.. Not just one, but a few, just in case..

For starters, I'm trying to start to be active in WV now,

because I know this is a lifestyle I'm not gonna discard..

Kayaking has been one of the only few sports, that I've managed to stay interested in..

But I need think bigger, about what I wanna do..

I've thought about going to uni.. But for starters, I'm neither interested in Business (at all) and Sciences (complex) now.. I might seems like I could be a Science guy when I was in pri and sec school, but its getting really difficult for me to stay interested in Science.. I rather do something more practical.. Something like Social Work.. Ha! Look at all your damm faces.. That shock and astonish faces.. Well, its not like I'm being random or anything but, I AM, really interested in Social Work.. Particularly in helping small kids who faces family problems.. I just wanna give them a chance, to experience childhood, the ordinary way.. But thats just something I thought I wanna do, so I cant really be sure yet..

Next up, through a friend who was trying to convince me to go uni, he told me that I could trying getting into NIE so I could be a PE teacher.. It didnt really cross my mind back then but recently, I've been giving it more thoughts.. As a PE teacher, I can learn skills to teach more effectively.. This would definitely helps in my coaching career in kayaking.. And further more, I can help spread this sports to more youngster, expending this community.. And even best, I just have to study hard so as to not drop out, and I will be receiving money while studying.. Aint that great? Previously, I was really against the idea of going into uni because I thought I wasn't interested in studies anymore, and that I dont really have that kinda money.. But this definitely solves the money problem, and it gives me a chance, to discover if I still wanna study, or not.. With my first step into uni through NIE, I might reconsider my decision, and further my studies, heading for a masters or something..

Well, both ideas seems really okay but I havent really decided yet.. In the end, I've decided I will save up capital and in the end, switch to a full time coach or open up a small eatery, or both.. Being a chef was one of my dreams and if I could successfully open my own eatery, I would be both a chef and a boss.. Its still kinda still a dream now but this serves as a pretty good target for now.. At least now I know for the next 30 years of my life, I know what to aim for.. Anyway, relationship is the least of my concern now.. Since I cant seems to get those I like, and there's no one who like me, just let me stay single for a while longer bah.. Maybe my Miss right will appear soon.. hoho..

Well, this pretty sums up wad I've been thinking about my life.. But regardless, I still hav 2 years to think though carefully while in there.. Maybe I might just change what I wanna do.. But thats all future tense.. For now, lets let MxFate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger sign off, and grab some sleep.. Hola! Nitez!!

The Last Few Days

Well, this would be the last Friday that we are gonna have before school reopens..

We've been through it countless times but I just cant shake this feeling off..

The feeling of dread..

Hmmm, sickening as it may be, its unavoidable, undeniable..

We just have to force ourselves to get used to it.. Hola..

Anyway, here's a quick update on Sea-X..

Great Job, for my junior com, I think the whole thing went rather well..

Great Job, for my upgraders, its not easy, but you guys survived, in one piece..

For the senior com, it was more of a farewell expedition or something..

This might just be the last time, for some of us to come to hantu..

And its probably the last time we're planning the expedition to hantu with SPA..

For 3 whole year, we've been visiting this place once every year, like an anniversary or

something.

It sure brings back memories.. Be it painful, or happy..

Remember the first year we came to hantu, as upgraders..

Hellish.. All sort of non-sense..

But we went back Stronger.. As a person, as a team..

Remember the second year we came to hantu, as Junior com..

Different, and Enriching..

I never thought there was that much we have to know and take into consideration when on an expedition, until Jacob taught me what he knows..

And this third year we came to hantu, as Senior com..

Personally my best..

I felt that, there was a kinda balance between the old method, and the new method of training..

We know that the old kinda method is effective in forming team with strong bonds, because it worked for us, and for all the past batch..

But we also know that the world is changing, and each generation is much more different from the next..

We didnt know what else we could have taught or let them experience..

But now we got all the necessary skills to plan a better expedition..

And this year, its all about striking the perfect balance..

There must be hellish training, but they must know what it is for..

There must also be learning experience, so that they dont go back empty handed..

And in my point of view, I think our objectives were pretty much met..

And thats a success..

I know, this was quite the long winded post, and that most people probable wont care to read, but as I mentioned, this is a dairy.. For myself.. Lest my memories fails me..

thus, once again, this is mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off..

p.s. some photos of me.. actually, there was only just a few..

LOL..

Updates on holidays

OH YA, this part is actually edited in last but i wanna share a dish I cooked by myself without and recipe.. Just trying it out based on gut feeling: SWEET AND SOUR PORK (Vegan)

Ingredients: Mock Meat, Carrot, Mushroom, Long beans. Sauce: Tomato sauce, Squeezed Lime, and Brown Sugar (y)

I think it was really nice, but my family didnt give me much feedback.. Guess my mom is really too good a chef.. LOL..

Okay, basically this is a quick and short updates for the holidays..

Well, we were supposed to have a 6 weeks break but because of YOG, it has now become four weeks break.. Saddening..

And this four weeks seems really short because there was just too much stuff to do..

In this 2 1/2 weeks that have passed, most of my days are directed to FYP and PDPE..

I spend my Sundays teaching tuition, for a full day at BXB, and that equates to no afternoon nap which i usually takes on Sundays afternoon..

I went down to dairy farm to have my job "sharing" interview with my SPA mates..

I got back my results for this sem:

IS1005 - 8 - B
CP5038 - 3 - A
LC0214 - 2 - DIST
CP5006 - 4 - B
CP5023 - 3 - B
CP5041 - 4 - B+
CP5017 - 4 - C+

SEMESTER GPA: 3.179
CUMULATIVE GPA: 3.244

Great, I think I did good enough.. (y)

Anyway, my friend PeiJie aka Xiao Bian who went aussie is back with us for a short while, during her break.. Me and Shao Quan actually went to pick her up at the airport, but instead we were all picked up by her uncle who sent everyone back to cck.. After that, we had a dinner, just the three of us, at pasta.. Deciding it was not enough just to meet her once, we ask her out again today, and had dinner at pizza.. LOL.. Next time, please please please go to a coffee shop.. I'm a broke man.. Anyway, after dinner, we went chillax at NorthVale, before heading home around 11.. Well, its supposed to be hard studying alone overseas, so I'm hoping all these memories could help her in anyway possible=D JiaYou Xiao Bian!

Next up is SPA stuff, well, finally had our 5th Mc meeting, which was delayed time and again due to different reasons.. SEA-X is this friday till sunday.. Hoping to make the most out of it for the Upgraders.. With one term over as President, I'm slowly entering retirement mode as its about time to prepare the next president.. But who.. Who can I pass over the baton and responsibility to.. Honestly, I know not yet.. I guess I just have to observe for a bit longer.. And that land training, it really was my mistake.. I had the foresight to plan ahead and set a longer training period for poly 50, but I made the mistake of not following through.. Ended up, this year we had the least bonded team ever.. I don't blame the upgrading ICs.. Because I should have exercise more pressure on them.. Had I put in more effort and concern to trainings, it wont have reach this stage as it is today.. Haiz.

Next up is life, curse it.. The previous post was meant to be a shadow post for myself but end up, it actually had like the most number of views out of all my posts.. Cuz everyone was coming to talk to me asking me what the hell was it about.. omg.. Anyway, I'm still trying my best to curb my bad habit, I wont say I've become a saint overnight but I definitely tried.. (2) would be the number of times, since that day but well, its a improvement.. at least I'm not thinking about it so often now..

Okay, time for me to end here and stop.. Needa grab some rest.. Nitez peeps.. This is mxfate, the-once-in-a-while-blogger, signing off (y)